Don't you know I suffer

I'm facing depression as of now.

I don't wanna do anything.

I wanna quit band. I wanna quit camp. I wanna quit acapella.

I wanna sit at home and relax.

Maybe even do some studying.

I don't even wanna get involved in so many things ever again.

I've learnt my lesson.

I won't do it again.

Please, Lord. Don't punish me. I knew not what I was getting myself into when I signed up.
Nothing is fun now, Lord. I don't need fun, actually. I need joy. Nothing brings me joy anymore, Lord. I'm wallowing in a sea of self-pity and I feel so pathetic that I need to blog and 'complain' about my over-commitments to everything but I can't take it anymore, Lord.
I want to share my gifts with the world, but does it have to come at such a heavy price?
Everyone wants my 100%, Lord. I don't have that. I can't give it to anyone. And everyone gets hurt in the end.
Is it worth it, Lord?
Is it worth the pain and effort just to give everyone only about 50% of what I can offer?
Sometimes I give even less.
I'm disappointing so many people, Lord.
People who used to count on me; people who saw someone in me and decided that I was worth the time.
Now, they probably realise it was a big mistake in relying on me.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Please, Lord.
I dont' want to hurt anyone anymore.
Be with me as I complete what I have to do.
Give me the strength, the patience, the guidance.
Let me learn. And learn well.

And I promise I'll never do something as stupid as this ever again in my life if I ever can help it.