Let Me Count Thy Ways

There's no school tml for me, but I would like to wish all the HMT students good luck. Anyway, I either have very quiet readers or none at all. Cuz no one's been tagging... Anyway, it's good and bad either way. That means I can prob crap away without fear of losing any readers, and it also means no one finds my blog good enough.. oh well.. either way... I'll accept things the way they are.

So far, Operation F.M. has been quite successful. And then I question why I started it in the first place... then I say it's for my own good. Well, I hope I know what I'm doing anyway.. I could end up hurting a few in the process. Don't want that happening..

I recently downloading a couple of songs.. Quite new, quite not-so-new. Either way, they're very enjoyable. Fade Away by Olivia is the best calming song ever. So jazzy in a sense, and smooth... it's also easy on the ears, great for breaks, or something to listen to before a nap. And it's so.. even... I mean, you know how some songs jump from being so quiet to becoming so incredibly loud all of a sudden.. this one's quite soft, i guess, but just so classy! Haha.. I'm advertising something for free okay, make use of it. Oh! I know the perfect words to describe it! Bar music. I can almost imagine myself back in the Equatorial Hotel, sipping on a Shirley Temple and listening to this song. Ohh the life..

It's the meet-the-parents thing tml, and honestly, I don't know if I'm more afraid of my mum meeting Ms. Tee or Ms. Tee meeting my mum. They may SEEM to mean the same thing, but trust me. They are different.

And I'll either get my computer fixed tml, or get a new one. WHOO. Well, I hope I do anyway, with my mum, it's never certain.

Have I even mentioned Contract Bridge yet? It's fantastic! At first, it was awesome, and then I realised there were a lot of things i didn't know.. hence, I found it confusing and not enjoyable. But now, I've learnt quite abit of strategy playing, and i LOVE it! Honestly, it's alot better than the original one, because more thinking is involved and the original sometimes makes me irritated because my partner has no idea that she is. OF course, apparently, that's the fun part, but it does get irritating after a while. Contract bridge is still the BOMB.

And Hearts is another game I learnt. So strategic! Sometimes it's confusing if someone is trying to avoid the hearts or trying to get them all. Again, learn it to love it.

My new passion comes from cards. Anyone wanna teach me a new game? I catch on fast. (:

"You see, I know it's just a crush, and a crush will never last, no. No one's forcing it boy."

It's just the beginning of things.

Well, Day Numero Duos of my Operation Forget and Move On has been unsuccessful thus far. It was a little easier remembering what caused the operation to begin in the first place, but forgetting has been so hard. This is like some sick epic movie. In a few years, I would have the ability to stand up and say 'Getting over you has been the most difficult thing I've had to do.' IF i ever get to say it that is.

It's not helping that the sudden change of attitude was the trigger in which caused it. It's just instinct feeling you know? It hurts so terribly. This WILL be the most emotional time of my life. I hope it IS anyway, I doubt I can take anymore of it. And to think the change happen within a span of less than 12 hours...

I really tried today. But environment and circumstances prevented me from doing anything about my emotions and I ended up thinking about it alot. Didn't help that the environment was a huge cause for my problems.

And well, hopefully this arrangement will last for a while...I think what happened today was a blessing in disguise in a way... if the morning didn't happen, then it would be great. Incredibly hard and painful, but great nonetheless.

I really don't know what I'll do. If ever there there was a mortal version of the oblivion curse, I'll be the first in line to get it.

I just want to forget, is that so hard?

Should I totally erase this part of my life? Yes. The Answer is, I should.

Goodbye.

Hey, your friends are together, side by side and year by year,
The road was filled with twists and turns.
Oh, but that’s the road that got us here.
Let’s move past the bad times.
But before those memories fade…
Let’s forgive, but not forget the love from all the mistakes we made.
-Come so far, Got so far to go. (Elijah Kelly, Zac Efron, Nikki Blonsky - Hairspray Soundtrack)

We've come so far.

Loving you is easy cause you're beautiful...

making love with you is all I want to do...

Loving you is more than just a dream come true...

And everything that I do is out of loving you..

-Loving You by Tynisha Keli. Animation by animationlibrary.com

********

I guess all good things must come to an end sometime. It was a good run anyway... Guess I had lots of fun (and suffering) in the process. Now just to figure out how to forget and move on...

That's gonna be the hard part. I need lots and lots of willpower. Which I obviously have none of.

Oh well... Off to hell for me! I just hope I come out of it in one piece... unscatched if I'm lucky.

*******

I just love my new matress.. it was about time I got one anyway... Now to try and get a good night's sleep after a few failed times.

And Happy hasn't been around for some time... maybe that's why I feel so sad..

*******

"Stay with me while we grow old and we will live each day in the spring time."

Some lyrics are just so corny you want to laugh. And yet, sometimes it's like an uncanny relation to your emotions.

Deep, huh?

Ignore and Walk away.

Ok. This post will be hidden because it will make no sense to many people. I just need to vent out some random things that aren't important. Have a nice day and remember, If it feels all cold in the world, you just left the window open.

OMG! Can you just stop making a fool of yourself??? It's like no one really cares that u exist lah!! GOSH, you are absolutely annoying you know??!! HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. of course it would sure HELP if SOMEONE WOULD give you a HINT or TWO.

And I AM NOT GAY. WTF is WRONG with you??!! GOSHH!!! You were the IDIOT flirting with me in the FIRST PLACE!! i TOLD you i wasn't PRETTY. BUT IM NOT GAY. i bet you think i'm a man don't you?? GOSH... you SICKEN me!!!

FUCK YOU too!! No one has EVER talked to me like that and no ONE WILL. You think you're SUCH a big shot don't you??!! Well, BITCH IS YOU.

GOSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH... WHY DO I KEEP MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF???? IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT I AM SUFFERING?? I STILL HAVE TO BEAR WITH IT FOR ANOTHER HALF YEAR.. AND MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN THAT. I SOMETIMES WISH THIS COULD ALL STOP.

I feel SOO MOODY NOW. i hate MALES so MUCH. 'ohh shiittt. u r gay. bye' Fuck you buddy. Fuck you.

THERE. FEELING MUCH BETTER.

I hate dragonflies, don't you?

Mood Swing

Operation Clean-up is so much fun!

"Throw it away... forget yesterday..' HAHA! Poor Vic!

'We should get Jerseys..' 'Cliched!' 'AND I KNOW THAT IT'S SO CLICHED...!'

'What song should I sing?' 'School Song.' -after short pause- 'We cannot all be heroes...'

And screaming with the water squirting thingy! Nuzul! Hahaha...

Sometimes Class is absolutely crazy and enjoyable.

It's just one of those days you never wanna forget...

I love you guys! (:

I got 4th in class! I share that place with Fan and Elaina. The results itself is not up to standard...but I think I could do much worse..

And only 2 more days till chinese ends... what a killer.

The little things that make you weep

I felt quite moody today. There's a reason. I mean, there should a PLAUSIBLE reason right?

Why is it the same person that I share laughs with almost made me cry today?

It was really hard holding it in. I almost broke down in the end. What stopped me? Sheer willpower. Not to let them have the glee of watching me.

I don't want to hide my blog posts. I think the world should share in my misery. Fuck them anyway.

At least my other friends used to be honest with their feelings. I don't know whether they're shitting me or not.

As you can see, this is a great contrast from yesterday. I swear, I'm going crazy any moment now.

Why is being a teenager so hard? And why can't people just be honest? I don't CARE if you dislike me, I'll complain, don't fret, but at least I'll know. GOD, i HATE it when people just ACT like they still want me around even when deep down, they'd rather wrestle with snakes. OH TRUST ME, I'll give them the fucking snakes ANY DAMN DAY.

I really don't get it. I'll never change. I know they won't either, and I accept that. Can't they accept me? No. The truth is just that. I fucking HATE this! Now I'm questioning MY OWN esteem when I should be smacking their smirks off.

I swear, if I could count the number of people I consider my true and honest friends, I need only one hand. One damn hand. The others are just shadows I hang out with for pride purposes.

Pride and Reputation can be overpowering after all. I got that from a Fan Fiction.

I swear, someTHINGS are not worth 10 years. Not even one.

I just wish I could be a better niece and miss my auntie more.

Maybe I would have had someone to talk to. Even if she irritates me to no end.

But that's just life.

And the people not worth my time and effort are those that make me question my existence on earth.

If i remember this, I'll never make friends again.

Wake me up in 10 years please, when this whole shit nightmare is OVER.

-------

On the bright side, I'd be outta here in a year more or less. I shall spend more time on books and not worry shit about these idiots ever again.

And I'm going swimming with Raman later. What will I ever do when she leaves? I don't want to think about it.

Soup of Cream and Potato Wedges with Cheese.

I think today was really enjoyable.

That's right elaina, I ENJOYED it. so SUE me.

Using Joan's words, This was the most fun I've ever had at parkway.

Poor belle and her internal bleeding. And i really THINK we've officially joined the Youth Council! I ain't kidding!

I LOVE the YC!! With Audra(aka. Audwa or Audea), Manny (the Man.), Andrew(not-the-'boss' of choir), Annye (i don't know which spelling it is.) and the other people like Joshua (TEO.), Sabrina and Valerie! But they're YFs.

And we were late for lunch because of liturgy.. they went burger king to eat and we ended up buying sushi from giant. The sushi is NICE. and cheap. like REAL cheap.

Went to the secret hideout... can you believe how cold it is? Actually, the corner wasn't so cold. Taught the boys bridge. It is seriously such a fun fun fun game! I swear, I'll never get tired of it..after that we really couldn't tahan the cold anymore and left.

Went to CSC to bowl. With bumpers! They're my new best friends. Ok, I suck at bowling. Like, majorly. But bumpers are cool! They are SO AWESOME. Joan agrees with me. We're the bumpers team! And joan is a happy kid. I'm just a noob using bumpers.

With BUMPERS i challenge elaina to a bowling game! And i'll use the bumpers to help me score my spares! WHOO! Bumpers are the new LOVE.

Woah. I said bumpers like, many times. Bumpers. That was for added emphasis.

And the potato wedges are nice! with cheese! WHEE. I scored a 72 for bowling! I ROCK. ((:

We had make-your-own popiah night! It's been a REALLY long time since we've had popiah night! Popiah night is soo GREAT. I have great popiah-making skills... You should compare my popiahs to the rest of the family. My plate is so clean by the end of the night, it's like i never used it.

Honestly, good day. And free bowling too. No, i am NOT some girl whose 'mind was driven by the evils of money' as dear elaina says. HAHA. It's a free game! (well, games.) Who wouldn't want it?!

I want to be born in the year of the tomato!

Cause this was Built to Last

You know what? I hate males.

No, I'm not a hard core feminist or something like it. Like Doris Lessing said, shouting about men is just self-indulging.

15 years living in a male-dominated family does change one's perspective though. Like, GIGANTICALLY.

My brothers can be SUCH HUGE pains, you know. like MAJORLY MAJORLY just-wanna-tear-off-their-heads-and-stuff-them-in-boiling-oil annoying.

They have absolutely little-to-no respect for me, because apparently, little sisters don't deserve any.

Well, that's just them isn't it? The stupid neanderthals that is the human male just makes you wanna kill yourself because of their lack of sensitivity and minds.

"Oh, don't complain when I'm helping you set up your keyboard, I don't like it."

YOU don't like it?? You were the jerk who took out my keyboard in the first place, and for SOME reason, dismantled it in your own ROOM.

And of course, there's the accusation of me being SELFISH because, apparently, I ASKED why he wanted to use my laptop.

IM SORRY! I didn't know what I asked was SOO rude! And here, I thought that was a PERFECTLY fine question.

Right now, NOT liking males so much. I have SOO much problems in dealing with the opposite sex. Is it because I'm not trim or something? Is that some sort of factor?

Like taking me for granted. Thinking I'll ALWAYS help because I'm 'nice'.
I mean... he's probably thinking "Oh, she has a crush on me! I'll just use her and then completely DISS her! That's alright!'

It's bad enough everything just seems to fall out of place in my life, I tell myself he's not worth it. And then, a week later (or sooner.) I'm practically running to the moon for him. I hate that.

Oh, woe is me. The irritating bitches making my life a living hell which are the teenage hormones. A girl can't catch a break, OH NO... that'll be out of protocol. Unorthodox.

Maybe I'll just end up like one of those old maids that get cats. I hope not. I don't have a particular fondness for felines.

I know one thing. To like someone like me, you need incredible tolerance. That's something not many people I know have. So, basically, most people in my life are just tolerating me. That kinda sucks, doesn't it? Knowing you don't really have much friends who like you for who you are.

Maybe that's why I have problems with boys.

Play that funky music

I can't believe I did that. How could i be soo stupid?!

Honestly, I just wish someone would kill me now. I have not much regrets, I've led a good enough life, I've had a good run. So just kill me.

I mean, OMG, will you? Sheesh.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

This will haunt me forever. As if I don't have enough on my plate as it is.

I hate myself.

I hate THAT AARRGGH.

I hate for AARGH to do this to me.

AARGH, I hate you. You heard that? I DESPISE YOUR EVERY FIBRE OF BEING THAT HAS EVER BEEN MY DISPLEASURE TO WALK ON THE SURFACE OF THIS EARTH.

Why Couldn't I have chosen someone else??! WHY, GOODNESS, WHY?!!?

***

On a higher note, The shepherd's pie dinner was exquisitely delectable.

That's all for today.

The Eye of the Tiger

I miss Happy so much!! I think he is absolutely soo adorable!

The thing is, he likes to sniff too much. And i think he's too horny because he humps things.

Anyway, There's catechism tomorrow.

And I want to join the YC. Or the YF. Whichever.

Gosh! I feel so lazy! I don't want to blog!!

My exam results are in. So far, I don't know what to make of them. BUT... i haven't failed anything. Yet. (STUPID, STUPID CHINESE.)

Seven Nation Army

I just love life sometimes. Doesn't everyone? It seems to drift by.

I'm having a normal day. It's these days that really count.

Just posting random pictures, because these moments are unforgettable.

Have a great day darling!

My Knight in shining armour

Have you ever thought of the one that would make your other half? You know... the one that would complete your life..make you whole... yada yada...

Sometimes it seems like such a complex subject. Like all you ever want is to find someone who appreciates you as much as you do them. But then you start thinking, what if my flaws are too huge to overcome? What if no one will ever accept them? What if I never find that one?

It's a scary subject to pursue. The countless number of romance movies and books don't help us along the way, as much as we all hope it does. And no, it's not as if we'll never find it. Just a matter of how long.

How long. Two words can mean so much. Just so profound. Just that. There really is no explanation. No one will be able to satisfy you with the truth. What is the truth? Another one. So much to be answered, and yet, none will be. Not yet.

Just like rainbows in the sky. Sure, there's the whole scientific explanation. But what if I asked you in the simplest of manners? Would explaining the truth be enough? Would one understand? What if I just want a simple answer? Not one to burn out my brain, or one for me to ponder over during boring sessions.. Just. Simple. Would lies cover that? Would the mere fabrication of fantasies tell me that all I need to really understand is in fact not real. Or that whatever seems so pure in its form is so complicated that years of research are needed to really decipher it.

The two subjects aren't really that different are they? They speak of the same. The mystique and wonder of something pure. The enigma of which is so difficult to comprehend, everyone spends millions trying to pry it open, no one really suceeding.

Or maybe some have. But it's more of a 'I took so long to find it, now you go find it yourself' method. Or maybe everything is just so complicated around it that no one even stops to think that maybe, just maybe, it's just not THAT profound.

It's something that causes some to lose sleep over. Something causing many to lose direction and all sense of purpose. Because that's what it wants. Just you. Nothing else. You don't drag along your entire household to a party right? It's the same. Isn't it? Pure. That's just it. Not mixed in with anything else in the world. Sometimes these things cause you to wonder.

Will I ever find true love?

Well, that's not the question now, is it?

Lovely day.

Well, it's a brand new day. I feel a whole lot better now... and it feels fine.

I'm suppose to begin this new regime thing... but i figured that since it's the last day i get to sleep late, I shall just be sloth-like and lazy. Yup... after today, I shall try to complete my goal.

I don't feel like blogging anyhow..

I have to take these new pills my mum bought.

Sometimes, certain events make you think about life.

And sometimes, too much cheese cake is a sad sad thing.

Joy, Peace, and all the Shit that happens.

This is it. The day of the pool party. I'm not excited... quite dreading it really. I don't know... I guess it's the whole 'if you think it's gonna flop, it will.' WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS?!

With the seveners it's like i can be ME.. sure I over do it sometimes... but still.

I am only be myself with a few people in 3/9... that's quite sad... I have been complaining to my mum about it... her response? 'Then don't make another party lah. Don't waste time.'

Maybe I should stop. Obviously it's not good enough anymore. Anyway, they're all rock climbing god-knows-where. It's like they're not taking this seriously... i mean, it ain't some exam shit.. but i appreciate some excitment.. real OR not.

Not crap like 'Oh, her party's on Monday.' 'Yeah...' 'Wanna go rock climbing?'

Yup, should take mumsie's advice. But I still want a seveners' party. That's the thing with them. They get so excited, it really makes me feel wanted. Not like i feel that anymore.

Days before the party, no one can stop talking about it... Now, I don't EVEN know who's going. Call that sad. I beseech you.

Most of them prob forgot it. If not for the gathering at Elaina's, no one would come. Except the few who i greatly appreciate. 'Oh your party's on Monday?' S'ok! Screw my feelings!

And then comes the 'BIG' blow. 'Oh, we're coming for lunch. We go rock climbing first.' Aww.. I can see that my CAREER as a hotel manager (where my guests come as they please.) would flourish as a result! Maybe someone will come early to cheer me up. I really hope so.

This is not some hate post to single out individuals. I'm just feeling not up to it. So, please cut me some slack... If you think this is directed at you, fine with me. Screw you. I don't care anymore.

Somebody's gonna get a hurt real bad..

And together, we'll wholesale! - Russell Peters.

If you want to know why this quote is particularly funny, ask Mel Suppiah. OR, you can ask my annoying, hilarious (according to Mel) Brother. But you'll prob ask Mel.. if you're in TKG. IF you're family, (who in my family READS this? beside said bro..) you'll prob ask him. And if you're neither... well... it was not meant to be.

Tonight was great! I wish the Talkatives could spend more time together like that because it was SO MUCH FUN. I arrived at church at 5.25... Feeling so lonely, I called Belle who arrived a mere 5 minutes later. We went to wait for Anne outside her Catechism room till belle realised that their class ended early... I was busy fixing a puzzle i dropped. Yup, puzzle. Anyway, Belle, Anne and I went to give out the mass booklets... and then, well, being a little loud-mouthed, I asked, (quite loudly), what we were supposed to do exactly... and then BOOM! "Can you all not talk so loud in church?!" Says Val's friend. (Whose name for HELL I can't and don't want to remember.) Ermm.. I apologise for being loud, can you, I dunno... TRY not to bitch at me? I mean, C'mon! Give a girl her break!

Right, well, other than that... nothing much happened till the 3 of us met up again. And there was a bit of an argument on whether we should sit upstairs or down. Here's an excerpt.

Me: (After Sam and Anne had picked upstairs and Belle had picked downstairs.) Joan? What do you pick?
Joan: Ermm... wait... (softly recites to self) Hot air rises...cold air sinks.. Downstairs! It's cooler!

So anyway, we ended up sitting downstairs because we were late (by a min) waiting for Ms. Tiara Chew. It was Belle, Me, Anne, Fiona, Joan, Sam and Tia (who came in EARLY by 15 mins) sitting in a row. The mass felt strangely nicer. The homily (a skit by the YC) made us empathetic and the entire thing seemed shorter. Normally, it feels quite lethargic, but I felt really happy.

After mass, the few of us stood around the benches waiting for a group photo that never happened (maybe it did, we missed it then..) and decided to start the cam-whoring ourselves. Well, actually, Sam just clicked and clicked. And the turnout was hilarious pictures of Anne, Joan and Belle laughing like idiots. (And joan's beautiful poses.)

We went out to the foyer to take group photos and then threatened Teacher Alvin if he posted anymore pictures of us. I still don't know why we call him Teacher Alvin.. it sounds weird calling him Alvin.. even weirder if we called him 'Kor Kor' or 'Uncle'. Guess it's just 10 years worth of habit.

Bought the Drink! Stupid Belle was being so irritating..

Belle: So we share the drink ah?
Me: OK.
Belle: (asking Val) How much for one?
Val: As much as you want to give.
Belle: Okay. (looks away.)
Me: Ermm... belle? Are you even gonna pay??
(Cue Sam laughing in background.)

And the cupcakes were SOO delicious!!! At first, I was quite hesitant to try one, but once you pop one in your mouth... WOW.

Belle: OMG! So delicious! How much did you pay?
Tia: Joan paid 2 bucks.
Belle: (turns to ME.) Steph? Can you lend me 2 bucks?

Sheesh. Anyway, I refused to lend her any money and in the end she didn't get anymore cupcake. I was lucky enough because my parents bought a set and I was munching on one on the way home. Abso-bloody-lutely Fantastic!

So youth mass was Great! And we're setting our sights on the next camp... happening in december..

My dad's watching the Rugby World Cup. I, personally, find it, well, 'acquired taste' if one might comment. I mean, I am now looking at a bunch of men wrestling each other for a BALL. And they are literally touching each other EVERYWHERE. Can someone say, Gay? Sure, yeah, they wrestle, and it's 'tough' and 'manly' but... if ONE guy in the pack wasn't exactly straight.. he could just touch other guys' *ahem*s and get away with it.. right? I never saw the point.. I mean.. sure.. it's a great workout... but why PAY these guys to play professional? So other people can feel the thrill and energy without lifting their asses? Right... great way of saving money, I'll say.

I have Catechism tomorrow (I know.. sigh.) and so, i have to wake up early.. which would be FINE because I can't bloody sleep late anymore anyway. Oh shit.

"I don't know... I hurt my back... but here's what we'll do. You can go pick the cotton. And I will go get the T-shirts made. And together...We'll wholesale."

And I love the thought of giving hope to you.

Inconsolable by The Backstreet Boys is so nice for those easy-listening days. "Baby I don't want to waste another day, Keeping it inside it's killing me."

Anyway, I managed to catch the Greatest Game Ever Played. It really was better than I expected. Like, very intense... Not something you'd normally watch in the movies. I really don't know how to describe it.. perhaps the vocabulary is not yet in my range. Yes, agreeing with Mel, Shia is a very good actor. I remember watching him in Even Stevens and thinking about he being SOO annoying. I kinda hated that show because of him.. guess he really did a fine job in annoying me... THAT'S being a good actor.

Super Size Me was HORRIBLE. I mean watching the guy puke through 30 day's worth of Macs is NOT the best thing to watch. But the sizes they serve in America are Atrocious! I mean.. A small coke here is their kiddie-size. And our kiddie-size? Well, don't let them laugh too hard.. I think I'll lay off Macs for a while... probably a day or two... haha..

I have the youth mass to go to later on. Prob with the usual gang. Belle, Tia, Anne, Joan, maybe Sam... Nat can't go! How saddening... Poor girl... she lives in Bukit Timah (I think... Bukit something at least...) and she still comes to the east for church... I think the Talkatives are decreasing in number... it sure feels that way... or maybe it's just my imagination.. because I don't remember anyone else being in the group. Well, that's a half truth. I do, just don't like bringing up the past... do you KNOW what I mean? No.. well.. your loss buddy.

"And if Mr. Ouimet wins tomorrow, it's because he's the best, because of who he is. Not who his father was, not how much money he's got, because of who he bloody is!"- Harry Vardon

"Although I'm not a golf fan, I attended a sneak preview of this movie and absolutely loved it. The historical settings, the blatant class distinctions, and seeing the good and the bad on both sides of the dividing line held my attention throughout. The actors and their characterizations were all mesmerizing. And I was on the edge of my seat during the golf segments, which were not only dramatic and exciting but easy to follow." - A review on IMDb

I honestly can't get The Greatest Game off my head! I don't even know why I find it so good. Anyway, I watched so many movies lately, I can't keep count of them all...

Boa VS Python was interesting... I watch some of it before and decided to watch the entire thing on AXN last night. Right now, My brother is playing some star wars theme, which make me want to watch THAT as well... Well, not really.. I'm not into Science Fiction.. But the theme music is real intriguing. Anyway, back to the giant reptiles. They look fake, probably feel fake too... But, again, exciting to see them rip off people's bodies into half. (Hey, I have my morbid moments too..) Like some Video game, The python tore off this hunter's chest and his legs (hips still attached) just collapsed to the ground. A bit of an exaggeration really, but I'm just in for the entertainment.

Anyway, this morning, I felt so tired that I screamed at my maid for tidying my parent's bed because she was making so much noise I couldn't sleep. I was quite happy that I could FINALLY wake up late, and so I (still half-asleep) picked up my phone to find out that it was only 9.30. I managed to force myself not to get up till 10.30. I really did try.

It's only 1pm! I wanted to catch Racing Stripes on Star Movies... But again, I don't feel like turning on the Idiot Box... 4 more hours to get ready for the Youth Mass! Anti-Anne! (sorry darling. heh.)

"You'll wear those shoes and I will wear that dress." - Sixpence none the Richer.

My BROTHER is ANNOYING me! Yes Mel... it's the same one...

I can hear the bells

I can hear the bells, my head is spinning. - Hairspray 2007 OST, I can Hear the Bells

I am ABSOLUTELY hooked onto the Hairspray 2007 Soundtrack! I know it's a little bit late... but who can blame me? The songs are fantastic, the beat is catchy... AND it's retro. Need more?

It's Friday! Normally I would be in school... but instead.. im bumming at home in front of the laptop listening to my playlist and typing away.

I want to watch The Greatest Game ever Played. It stars Shia La'beouf (however it's spelled) and it's about Golf! Haha... i always had a slight interest in the sport... but it's too expensive to pursue now... maybe if I'm able to afford it next time..

I already missed it twice... The first time for reasons forgotten and the second time for church... God forbid I'll ever catch the entire thing! "Mr. Ouimet" ooh... don't you just lurve the French? Absolutely gorgeous!

That's at 7... My mother is coming home from a seminar today... I wanted to go pick her up with Dad, but if it means missing the show, then the notion can say arrivedachi! (again, the spelling may not be accurate.)

So from now, (2pm) to 7.. i have 5 hours of a) bloghopping, b) reading Fan Fiction and c) trying to find unaddictive anime. Ok.. screw the last thought... like that'll ever happen. Anyway, I think i'll be able to squeeze in tv as well... too bad i'll be missing Drake and Josh.. I was hoping for a few laughs... Ever After was on TV! I think the plot is fantastic... using cinderella and the 15th century... how ingenious... i wonder why they put Drew Barrymore as the lead though... she doesn't suit the whole 15th century look... maybe someone a little more believable? I don't know...

I can't remember the first time I saw it... but I was in love with it then... after a few days... forgotten... but some scenes remained etched in memory.. And then last year, Afiyah was watching it at my house.. and THEN i realised that it was the show that had captured my adoration so. I think Douglas Scott is hot. Like Fresh soup off the steaming pot hot... and YES, i am capable of thinking certain people are hot.. THANK you.

Tired from staring at the screen too long, I caught 2 late-night movies on tv. Smile and Material Girls. They are SOO contradicting... the first one was such a FANTASTIC movie... not enough plot and subtance.. but I cried because I felt it deserved some tears. It's about these girls who have the same birthday. However, one is a spoilt high school student in CA, Malibu while the other is a disfigured Chinese girl living in a modern chinese village whose father was a man who found her abandoned in a straw hut. Her father is the most sacrificial, loving man I have ever seen on the big screen. I mean, there are always shows about daddys, but this actor portrayed his character so well, I cried. That's right folks, Stephanie de Souza cried at a movie. Anyway, the father actually chose his daughter over his wife and legit son. Because he loved her so much. He even raced to Shanghai with her in tow to get plastic surgery for her disfigurement, which ened in a crushed arm when he got hit by a car. Ahh! The movie was just so great. Actually, the Chinese father-daughter moments were the best. The rest of the movie was quite mediocre.

Material Girls was so expected. What a surprise that the girls ended up with the guys that they meet in the beginning of the show. And WHO would've expected them to SOLVE the mystery?
And OMG! They were RICH again? NO SHIT! So cliched really...
Anyway it was entertaining... and I was bored... so yeaps...

I managed to sleep at midnight... in order to get enough sleep... my body clock is now set at 10am.. so in order to maintain maximum energy (not that i NEED any) I have to sleep at midnight or 2am latest... I can't survive if i sleep at 4am... I'll DIE.

Waiting for Supersize me to load... ohh the joy!

Pool Party in 3 days... So nervous...Sigh, please kill me now.

A stupid continuation cuz i'm bored.

"One could not simply awaken from their sickness-induced slumber and find distraction in their environment. It was too honest, too blunt for her liking. The patient could not wake up and be granted that delicious moment of confusion before realising who they were, and why they were there. No, instead they were greeted with the whiteness, the scarceness of their world." - Prey

Wanna know what I figured while showering? Maybe, the reason why I'm not affected by the whole 'phase' thing, is because I have a crush. Without it, perhaps things would be different... I really don't know...

And Conditioner is great when you feel moody!

I shall leave you with quotes from 'Friends', my all-time favourite sitcom.

[Joey comes out from his room wearing ridiculous clothes. He has to look nineteen for an audition]
Joey: 'Sup? 'Sup, dude?
Chandler: [putting his hands up] Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me.
Joey: So, you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack. Playstation is whack. 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup? Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what?
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.
-----
[Monica's been leaving candy for the neighbors outside her door, and they got hooked on it] Chandler: Hey! Pipe down! This woman tried to do a nice thing so she could get to know all of you and I bet not one of you can tell me her name.
Neighbor: ...Candy lady?
Chandler: Okay, that's it. Go home! You ruined it!
Joey: Yeah, you ruined it! You ruined it! [goes inside the apartment, and starts eating the candy]
Monica: Thank you. I was really scared for a minute, I mean, somebody slipped a threatening note under the door.
Joey: [takes note] Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Mob mentality...
-------------
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.
--------------
Judy Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.
Nora Bing: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Charles Bing: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then.
Nora Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.
---------------
Ross: You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!

And my fave quote of all!

[Rachel is nervous about leaving Emma alone in the apartment for a few minutes]
Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet?
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jump out.
Rachel: Oh my God, I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay? Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think... listen, listen.
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: If that happens now, you're going to feel SO bad.

Day Two of 'What the Hell am I gonna do?'

Let's see.. Einstein's Theory of Relativity was something simple yet complex. energy equals to mass times time squared. or.. E=mc²
In other words, periods of time can be longer or shorter than what they really are... which gives meaning to the phrase "Time Flies." It's like a party when 5 hours seem like a minute, or when you finished your exams early and the second hand on the clock seems to move slower and slower.

Which is what I am experiencing now at this moment. I don't know if time is passing by or slowing down or just shitting me.. but i DO know that if i continue this vampire behaviour and wake up at 10 again because i absolutely HATE sleeping on the floor, then i will surely die when wednesday comes.

On the bright side, I have been thinking about my pool party. Like.. what if it isn't all that? I mean.. the seveners found it fun, but can it compare with other people's houses? I mean.. it just happened that only I instigated this pool party thing (Wynne did it too, but hers was once.) and so they liked it.. and we did it again. But it seems that more and more people are hosting parties... and well, I guess the only thing I have going for me is the Branding.. ('Steph's Pool Party', not available in all departmental stores. Accessories sold seperately.) Hopefully that's enough...
Anyway, it's too late to cancel anything... Or maybe i should. I really don't know anymore..

Yesterday at Elaina's, they were acting really mental... like getting-atop-another mental... and that really grossed me out. I mean, yeah.. all in good fun... and we still are in that phase one calls 'teenage adolescence.' but still...
I really think I will never be affected by this... i mean.. sure there was this time (oh no... people are going to ask questions..).. but it lasted like.. a month? Hmm.. i blamed it on entering secondary school.. haha.. still do..

Then ruby asked if i found anything wrong with lesbians... how was i to tell her that i did find them quite appalling... not that i don't accept them... i think they're alright and all.. but it's really sad and unnatural... i am not an anti-les person over here, don't get me wrong... i just really hope that it's a phase... and that they'll grow out of it...

Hmm.. moving on...

I guess with the end of exams, comes band... in which i am the sectional leader. Which is quite fine really... but scary too... I'm just hoping I don't screw anything really badly...

And with that, I'm done. Hope you have a great day!

Probably a short term thing...

HAHA! That's right... I'm finally bored enough. That MEANS it probably won't last long... like maybe... till next year... HEH.

I wanted to try one of those blogs with poetic posts... but honestly.. i couldn't care less...

What has taken place since January 2007?
Basically..
- I came out of OBS unscathed and wanting more..
- My birthday passed without much injury
- My midyears stunk shit.
- Had another pool party.
- Finals recently ended.
- Having another pool party
- On the verge of planning my sweet 16th.

OKAY, and a thousand and one more things... but why focus on the history of the past rather than the dreams of the future? That's a quote from a guy whose name slipped my mind.

My other favourite quote is by Eleanor Roosevelt.. it's the one on the skin. The picture btw, is of Tokyo Disneyland's Cinderella Castle. It looks AMAZING at night, unfortunately, my not-very-good camera did not do the picture any justice. Oh well, I still think it looks fantastic.

Any friends reading this blog, please make sure your link is up to date... apparently, the lack of visiting blogs means i have no idea whose blog is where. Also, I'm feeling too lazy to go check with people... maybe some other time.

And again, I emphasis that this blog will not last... I can't continuously keep to-date my blog, like Elaina, or Ruby... it takes too much time and effort that I would rather spent doing absolutely nothing or actually studying... which I recently found quite pleasant during my 2-week hiatus off the computer because dear-ol'-mummy thought my term 3 results were horrendous. Which I am not disagreeing with... but the lack of internet has messed with my brain. I had to turn to Dai Di for destressing... which is NOT the best thing to do when you have all that pent up frustration in you and all you wanted to do was to play abit of online games. It could turn to real gambling. Really, it could.

Already, I was toying with the idea of learning to use money for the time-passing amusement. My reaction to that thought? TV. And lots of it. So my mind doesn't wonder like that again.
Anyway, I think it's a phase... it'll pass. Which brings me to ask myself why I am so scared to get addicted to Anime. (Which i force myself to hate because the addiction is fatal.) And then old memories of Habbo Hotel, Audition, and Hana Kimi, among other things came sliding into my mind... That's why I don't want to start reading anime. At least with the above stated, I can a) play it until mother is forced to lock the computer, or b) wait till it ends. I can't just PUT down a book. I have NEVER put down books unless forced to or it turns out to be less interesting than i thought.

Today I spent at Elaina's... I came early and played cards with her while listening to her complain about the people not going. And then they came. Together. Surprising her. I kind of felt quite stupid. Like.. 'Wtf am i doing here? Shouldn't I be over there? Or not...' 'Great that she was happy... hopefully I wouldn't feel so stupid after that.'
Well, things were not really that fun. I don't know if it's me or them. It sometimes feels like I don't belong. I guess in the way, I am a hypocrite. Because my character changes to fit the people around me. Insecurity? I don't want to go there. Not now anyway.
That's just the thing with me. I don't like to express my thoughts online. Not anymore.. it's like I'll probably get those cold stares... and something is BOUND to offend someone, somewhere. Stupid isn't it? I hate blogs. I especially hate my own. Because I think just commenting on the day's events is crazy. Like, 'who cares what happened?' I honestly think blogs should be for expressing opinions... whether heart-felt or casual. Which, i repeat, which cause an uproar with the class the next day.."OMG! do YOU know what she wrote in her blog? She said she thought I was dull! DULL! Screw her!' And then, not a day later, you get the toys that come with the happy meal... people ignoring you... blogging about what you said (in subtle, not-so-subtle words, nonetheless)... and treating you like the 60% off dye-tied shirt hanging on the discount rack. The whole package. Bloody A, isn't it?

It's like that vicous cycle coming to bite you in the ass. There is no more 'freedom of speech' one longs for. That's rubbish. Shit they say to make one feel uncontrolled. Like anyone really is... 'Freedom of speech' is the most over-abused, bullshit, untrue sentence that has ever made it to political vocabulary.

Oh, in case you think I'm getting emo here... i'm not.. it's quite hard to try and say politically-correct things while half-asleep at the moment (it's almost 1 in the morning.) and feeling particularly snappish because the time-of-the-month just knocked.

Any more things to add? Trust me, plenty. But I will not hesitate to slump my head onto my keyboard at any moment. Anything I do which puts my precious laptop in jeopardy, only makes me want to hit people more. And more.