Does it look like I'm back?

Okay. First of all, I DID tell you the last post was gonna be the LAST for a VERY long time.

And a very long time it has been.

I told Chuck I was gonna revive my blog. Or try to at least... and this couldn't have been a MORE stupid time to do it.

I mean, I have promos coming up in a month.. And blogger's all weird, so this is coming out REALLY odd... PLUS I'm supposed to be doing work now and I'm not.

*****

Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'll take this slow.. I know having a blog never works out, so if this dies again, it dies. No big deal. Then maybe in a year, I'll revive it again. Again, what's the difference, right?

After reading some of my old posts, you really can't believe how much I've grown up. All those stupid things I've said or done. Silly, really. Makes me laugh now that I think about it.

I'm in Temasek JC now.. (I just read a post about how I couldn't believe I had 'finished a year in TKG'. Well...)

I have new friends, and I'm still very much in contact with the old ones. Facebook is how I get my updates, as with mostly everyone else..

I'm just trying to survive as of now..

Last December, I had a revelation that made my head spin. I was thinking it through and it didn't seem possible that such a thing could happen.

But it did.

And now I'm living in a world with half-fantasies, half-reality. You know? The kind of world that bring you from each realm by hitting you hard in the face so you fall on your back and think, 'Oh right. Okay. switching time.'

Okay, I'm sure you wanna know what happened. I won't beat about the bush.

I like someone.

Yeah, wow. Big deal, huh. I'm 17, totally out-of-this-world that I have a crush.

Only it may not even BE a crush. Which is quite confusing.. because it's hard to say what it is, right? I mean, there's no definite 'Okay, dear. THIS is love.. THISSSS *points to second person* is just infatuation. And THISS *points to teddy bear* is just stupid.

I'm not saying it's 'love' either. Seriously? You don't just do that. All I'm saying is that... This one feels different. OR maybe ALL the ones felt different in ways that I can't comprehend. And this is all a complete ploy to waste my precious emotional resources.

At this point, I can't even confirm that I am indeed making sense.

All I'm saying is that it's crazy how sometimes, you wanna hug and kick a person away. AT THE SAME TIME.

Can you imagine that scenerio? It'd be something out of one of the episodes of 'jackass'.

It's one big emotional cycle that I don't ever want to TRY and figure out.

It's just life, I guess.

***

Well, this was refreshing. Honestly. All my thoughts spilling out on digital canvas. I mean, I know how sometimes, even Joan can get a bit sick listening to my nonsense? She'll say that's untrue. But even I would get sick of me..

I love her though. And my darlings. I don't ever wanna lose them.