Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me

I liken myself to a child that has decided that she actually really wants the Barbie doll she tossed aside. And all because someone else picked it up and decided that they would keep it. So the little child is annoyed.

I think it's just the whole human nature thing of wanting what you can't have. You know that in normal circumstances, you wouldn't even give a second thought to that particular item, wouldn't think about it, wouldn't take it if someone gave it to you. But the moment it no longer becomes an option for you, you hanker for it like a dog hankers for a bone. Pathetic reasoning, but true, nonetheless.

It's a horrible thought. And if ever you should feel this way, remember that you should never ever, under any circumstance, do anything about it, because the moment you do try to snatch that Barbie back, the feeling of happiness and satisfaction will only last for a minute. And then you remember why you tossed it out in the first place. And then you think 'well, why the fuck did I go through all that trouble for something I didn't want?'

Before that realisation kicks in though, and before you attempt to snatch the proverbial Barbie back, you get to happily grapple with thoughts like 'Well, am I jealous that the other person is happy with that Barbie? Did I truly really want that Barbie? Did I make a colossal mistake in throwing the Barbie out?' and many many more.

You sit down, in the middle of the room, with nothing but your thoughts to keep you occupied. You know that when you think of the Barbie itself, you see it as nothing more than a used doll, damaged and broken, something you should've rightly thrown out. But then someone else seems to be so happy with it. Was there another side to the doll that you hadn't realised?

You then continue wondering, does that other child realise how damaged and broken the doll is? Does the child only see the fun Barbie, the fact that it's a pretty doll? Should you go tell her that the doll is broken and that if she continues to play with it, she herself will get hurt?

But at the end of the day, you realise that you don't even know the child. She might know that the Barbie is beyond repair but might still accept it for what it is. Unlike you, who threw it out the moment you realised the extent of the damage. Perhaps she might appreciate it more, you know that you could never enjoy that Barbie anymore, which is fine because you have newer, better toys to play with.

So after all that contemplation, you realise that you were never going to be happy with that Barbie, and that the only reason why you would've possibly wanted the Barbie back is because you are, by nature, a selfish person. Which is okay, because everyone is a little bit selfish, but at the end of the day, as long as you don't hurt other people with your selfishness, you're ace.






I wonder how much time I can waste not doing my essay.