It seems I found the road to nowhere and I'm trying to escape.

It is like trying to feel around my heart for something that isn't there.

"I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say"

I just can't be rid of the trepidation that something will happen. Something bad. I don't want to have tuition today because I feel that the whole world will crumple. It sure as hell doesn't make sense, but what does?

Anyway, I'm sitting against the wind, the laptop perched on the ledge of the table while I try to figure out some things. What I am trying to say here, is that, at any moment in time, life as we know it could be changed forever.

It is a sad thought, and one that under no circumstance one should think about. But, I mean, we all have our moments.

Right now? I am currently awaiting the arrival of my Chinese teacher, as well as eagerly awaiting the start of church camp. And so, my wait begins. In a parallel universe, of which is not fantasy, but very true and happening, I could be doing all these things and then, BAM!

Nothing.

Which is why I think we should all stop taking for granted the simplicities of life that come to us so easily.

What I am trying to put across, with the use of simple english, is definitely not an easy feat. It really is hard to say what is going on my mind right now, because all I can figure out is a bit here, a bit there. To question WHY I am living on earth is not based on science or any other earthly metaphor. It is really a mental, spiritual thought.

If I start now, I will never stop. Hence, I decide to leave you with these words:

If you don't start truly living now, then when? If you don't start appreciating and untucking your head out from your arse, then when? If you can't give back to God, what God gave you, isn't that just defeating your main purpose on earth?