Tides that I've tried to swim against

If there would be only one concert I could go for for the rest of my life, it would be Coldplay. It's such an amazing experience like you wouldn't believe.

I'm so lucky I got to experience it once in my life.

"I swam across, I jumped across for you."

In other news, I can't wait for the view counter to go up to 2012 because that would be cool, innit?

I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way

It's been a crazy two weeks.

Honestly, I don't even know where to start.

I suppose, for the most part, you may just go to my facebook page to see pictures on what I've been doing since I last decided to blog.

First of all, it was a massive hassle trying to enter my google account again (where I blog from) and I had to switch my SIM cards here and there.... anyway, bottom line is, I'm here and typing and all is well.

A lot of things have happened over the last two weeks. First of all, my little infatuation thing has mellowed a LOT. It just turned out that, as always, it was just a bit of infatuation that didn't amount to anything.

Secondly, I finally have a home for next year. To be honest, it's a bit pricey. And I feel SOOOO bad for my mother who has to finance me through it. But I mean, in the end, I *will* make it up to her. I have to. And I want to. And I will.

It feels strange being home.

My life from a year ago has just slipped back in like it never went away. Suddenly, the fridge is ALWAYS stocked (which is horrible news for my figure. :'( ), someone is there to clean up after me, do my laundry, cook for me, and well, my freedom is suddenly restricted in the sense that I feel accountable to someone.

The best part about this entire thing is that I get the car a lot more now. Of course, in saying that, I'm meeting Vonny and Ping tonight for dinner but my parents need the car for church. :'(

Anyway, I'll be heading off to Korea again in a few days. I'm honestly a little sick of traveling, but I suppose the little theme park-shopping break will be something to look forward to.

In other news, I went into my brother's room and LO AND BEHOLD! Another girl MY AGE. Oh dear GOD. NOT AGAINNNNN. =/

So don't delay, act now. Supplies are running out.

This is a short post to commemorate my 1888th visitor to this blog!

Congratulations! This is a very lucky number in Chinese culture. :)

Of course since I don't know who you are, and you probably don't either, to be fair this is a pretty useless congratulation.

Anyway, it's ONE MORE DAY TO FREEDOM.

Club, booze, dancing and crazy-ass last week in Manchester, here I come! <3

I want something else to get me through this life

Second post of the day! I don't normally do this, really.

But I'm a bit tired from doing work and this is my break.

I wonder if I will ever figure out what goes on in the mind of men.

Of course, in the same way that guys will never be able to figure us out, I suppose it's fair to say we will always be playing this game of 'He said WHAT?!'

It's just a bit annoying because I thought I already kinda made my peace with the fact that he probably doesn't like me, at least not in that way.

And then he comes right back and says things that make my heart go 'ba DUM. ba DUM.'

A part of me obviously wishes he'll come right out and say it, whether it be a bump into the pit of Friend Zone, or a slide into the realm of 'potential girlfriend'.

But with everything in life, it's often not straight-forward and hazard-free.

So here I am, contemplating the last snippets of our conversation like a 15-year-old teenager.

Remember in the last week or so, I posted something about being able to have the feeling of infatuation? Yes, that's the one. Even with all the uncertainty I'm feeling now, you know what? It's a good uncertain. Like, in a way, there's no bad side to this. It's something cutesy that may or may not turn into something more.

And if it doesn't turn into anything? Then there you go. I suppose I'll move on.

Hmm...

Life is hilarious, really.

And sometimes, it's just mean.

I'd rather be a comma than a full-stop

I honestly don't wish to be mean, but this is something I've been wondering for a while now.

(This post isn't a finger pointing at any particular person, just so you know.)

Why bother coming to another country to study if you're not planning to experience the culture?

I mean, silly excuses sound like bullshit to me, to be honest. So at the end of the day, why don't you just pack up your bags and move to another time in your comfort zone? I mean, why pay so much just to live like hermits?

=/

Remember all those times I was hoping for something

The stupid things I've done in the last 2-3 days include:

- Almost drinking my saline solution, thinking it was water. I'm NOT kidding. I had unscrewed the cap and had the tip *this* close to my lips.
- While drinking hot coffee, I didn't realise the cap wasn't locked in properly and it took me a full 2 seconds to realise that hot coffee was spilling down my shirt.
- Pouring a generous dollop of HAIR CONDITIONER onto my body in the shower and started scrubbing, and then going 'WTF AM I DOING?!'
- Missed my train from London because I miscalculated the time and had to pay £50 for another ticket.

I think I'm turning more stupid by the day.

In other news...

I'm feeling so groggy and am in no mood to do work.

I don't really know why. It's probably just one of those days...

Everyone's telling me to be patient. Things will happen when they happen.

But I can't help but want time to move faster and things to happen quicker. Isn't it time for my happy ending? Of course, in saying that, there's no guarantee that this will indeed be a happy ending. All I'm saying is, I've been so sad for so long, perhaps it's time I become a bit happier.

Okay, the last statement was just of me being a brat.

To be honest, my life is going pretty great now. I was on the train to London yesterday thinking about how great my life actually is.

Of course, being human, I wish it was better. I wish I could easily tell him that I like him. I wish he could say it back.

I'm just glad that after next week, I'll get to spend that bit more time with him, and we'll see how things go.

Why am I in such a hurry to grow up so fast? I don't think I am. I was forced into this corner of which I can't get out of. Well, I did walk some of the way there myself... But the point is, I'm here now. And I wanna believe that this corner isn't all that it is.

I wanna believe that love exists. That someone truly wants to be with me, baggage included.

... ... ...

I truly and honestly can't wait for next week.

Truth of the matter is, I'm complicated.

So. My exam is tomorrow. And yet, after that, I'm still not done. Which is pissing me off. On the other hand, my summer plans are drawing nearer and nearer, so that's fun.

I was up till 4 hanging at Mark's yesterday. Walked home in shorts and a thin adidas jacket for protection. Thank God it wasn't as cold as I thought it would be.

The sky was kinda pretty as I was walking back. I was tired, but in a good mood.

Was so tempted to watch the sunrise, but my bed boasted a tougher beckon.

Hmm.

I wonder what this feeling is bubbling inside.

By the way, I tried to say I'd be there

I need to rethink what exactly is it I'm doing in life.

I need to realise that I am worthy of respect and that if I don't treat myself with some respect, no one has a reason to.

This is our fate

So I've finally completed my MOE Relief Teacher application, at the expense of actually doing any studying.

If all goes well and what my dad says is true, I'll be headed towards a $100 a day income for 2 months! Of course, that's subjected to taxes and CPF. :'(

Anyway, looks like my summer's pretty much kinda planned out now.

He's everything you want, he's everything you need.

Okay, the criminal law paper went alright. Hopefully I did well, but I don't know...

Anyway, let's move that aside because obviously you won't be too interested in what I have to say about my law exams.

It's difficult to say what I'm about to say for a multitude of reasons, most of which I don't really wish to spell out here.

Firstly, I don't know if I like him or not. I suppose I'll know when I know but I suppose for the most part, it's a little annoying.

I'm 20. The whole game of 'oohh does he like me?' should be over, shouldn't it? Or maybe it just never stops.

On Facebook, I read the little bits about those younger, or of the same age as I. It's sweet. The usual, 'I feel confused because I think I like him', or 'Ahh! He hugged me today!'

Sometimes I wish I was like that again. I remember the crushes I had when I was in my early teens. I felt so confused, nervous around my crushes... Always wondering when I'd see them next... Writing on my blog (which I'm pretty sure if you go to my archive, will all be there in full glory for your viewing pleasure.)

And now it's like. I've grown past that. I mean... I haven't had a proper crush since I was 17. And no, Ian Somerhalder doesn't count. When he realises that I'm the one missing from his life, he'll know.

Anyway, minor celebrity infatuation aside, I see guys and they're immediately slotted into categories now. Well, to be fair, I don't know if I've been doing that all along...

But that aside, I suppose I have grown up. I mean, I don't go all giddy now. But again, maybe that's because I don't actually have a crush.

I wonder if maybe I should start looking for a relationship. But I'm still so young! And then I think, what if I start working and there's no time to find someone! Shouldn't I start now, then?

Oh gosh. It's like, headaches and problems and, yeah, well, you know..

In a way, I like my single status now. I'm having fun and I report to no one.

But then... that's not a very fulfilling life now, is it.

I could meet guy after guy, flirt my way through throngs of them, and after that what?

Yeah okay. Anyway, I'm making shepherd's pie tonight again.

But I've got you to keep me warm

Let's start with a bit of current affairs:

Yesterday, I experienced my first scary run-in with drugs. Immediately, I can tell the people that know me and are reading this are going 'WTF STEPH' in their heads.

Well, okay, I didn't do any. I don't do any. It was a bit of a situation with a guy from the flat above ours and how he somehow ended with a bad trip in my flat.

Anyway, it was a bit of a nightmare and I was only too glad that I didn't have any papers today. If the same thing happens tonight (which it likely wouldn't), I'm gonna kill someone.

Right. On to business proper.

Hmm. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. The one time I tell myself that work comes first and men come later... I find myself in a bit of a pickle.

Well, I suppose it may just be all in my head. But I mean, I guess if it *is* true, it's a bit of a nice feeling.

Or maybe not.

Anyway, don't you chaps worry! I'm still very much bothered about my exams to let this get over my head.

This is praying that my paper tomorrow goes well. :)

Oceans apart, day after day

It's funny because I never thought I'd ever do something like this.

But I know now that it's not necessarily a horrible thing.

I'm all grown-up and I can make my own decisions. Yes, some of my decisions may not be the best ones, but it doesn't mean I am not capable of making them..

I'm glad though because now it finally seems like I have a bit of my life back in order.

Anyway, I honestly cannot wait for exams to be over. And also, I really need money. So I hope I *get* my money back soon.... (I'm annoyed.)