Your journey's been etched on your skin.

I have been doing the time-wasting, tiring, bang-my-head-on-the-keyboard-and-stab-me irritating CNA video these few days.. Using the main computer isn't that bad..

Anyway, I was watching Tv yesterday when it hit me. It was the weekend. Just a few days ago, I was posting about the week.. and it's the weekend. So how fast time flies? And my O's are in 9 months. Which means THERE'S NO TIME. NONE. ZILCH. ZERO. NEGATORY. And 'oh crap, I'm gonna fail my O's' can be heard from the far ends of the artic ocean. But I can't bring myself to study. I just can't. Even if I turn off all working system networks, lock the door of my bedroom, install perfect lighting (which I still lack, by the by.) and strap myself to the chair with History, Math and Science books strewn all over in front of me, I just won't STUDY! Believe me, it's not like I've not tried. I have, many times, in fact. A few minutes in front of the desk and I find something else to occupy my time.. A game of solitaire with ACTUAL cards, my rubik's.. or just fiddling with just about anything. Bloody hell, I am a mess.

So how do I actually find motivation? Till now, I still don't know. Which explains my lack of good grades. I really think I should consider other alternative career routes. After all, it looks like I can't survive another few months of studying intently.. what's more a few years?

Oh, help me, big guy up there!

If I woke up next to you.

A love like ours is love that's hard to find.

I felt oddly sick today. Like, when I tried miserably to trudge up the stairs, all I could feel was the nagging pain in my stomach and chest. Anyway, I took the Chinese CA during recess and went home after that.





I haven't felt that sort of calmness yesterday. I just stared at the open sea, the wind blowing strongly and my already-mused hair flying all about. It was like God was trying to tell me it was okay. To just relax, because all would be alright. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay there forever. I wanted to grab the moment and lock it in place, forever reminescing about it. I wanted to continue taking pictures with all those people, because for once in a very long time, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Not flitting from clique to clique, going wherever they were kind enough to accept me. I even went so far as to start laughing again. It's now when I think about it, that I realise that I haven't laughed like that in school (or with fellow school-mates, rather) in so long.. Was I really being outcasted for so long? It didn't seem like it. When I was with Dione and the rest, there seem to be only serious conversation. Even the not-so-serious conversations seemed too draggy to actually be taken lightly. I wasn't myself, I realise now. I mean, my real self. The idiot that gets high very easily and launches into a series of bad jokes that causes laughter because it is just too bad to not be laughed at. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Dione. But I need her more in situations where I become too overwhelming for my own self to handle. Because I guess, she's really good at being frank and dousing me with cold water to wash my dillusioned eyes. But I'm guessing the real reason I've been so moody later is because there's been no outlet for my crazy side.





That statement alone sounds pretty crazy, I can tell you that. I wish I was on that boat again, relishing in my life, because although it stinks shit sometimes, it really ain't half bad.





Thank you, Lord.





(In Memory of Heath Ledger, 28. Died on the 22th of January, 2008. May he find eternal peace at last.)

With all of this.. and then there's that.

Okay.. so I've been a little slow on the updating.. doesn't mean I'm closing the blog down... although it doesn't mean I've been studying constantly.. Exhibit A.

Anyway, I shd've been in bed about.. an hour ago. At 9pm. Because I'm running an experiment on why I keep feeling so drained during lessons.

However.. it's 10pm. And I'm not even that tired..

Tweaked the blog a little.. I think the picture's cool.. could be a little smaller.. but I'm not really complaining.. anyway, I can't be bothered.. I tried uploading another skin, but apparently, there was something wrong with it.

So, here's the week in general..

Basically, it was another day, another topic, another lesson, another bang-my-head-and-shoot-me cycle. Only, I was horribly sick. Well.. not that sick.. but sick enough to annoy people with my coughing.. (I say this because I annoyed myself as well.)

There was 4 straight days of band: (which probably contributed to the above mentioned chain of hacking.) Wednesday was the usual few hours.. Thursday was the Assembly performance, Friday was another practice (quite slack for some people.. an exercise period for me.) and Saturday was CCA promotion day.. (played for 5 hours straight.. My shoulders threatened to drop off me. ) Hated running to the front to play. I mean, it's during my favourite part no less! Why can't I play that part and, I dunno... just stand instead? ):

Anyway, that got over and done with. Had my first YC Pray Meet.. not much people actually.. We did Christian Unity Week.. had to talk about the obstacles.. my brain failed to coordinate with my mouth that day and I ended up sprouting alot of nonsense.. Oh, the agony!

Catechism started the next day! That deserves an exclaimation mark because I finally saw Nat and Sam after so long! I missed them so much!! Nothing much.. Nat whined about not being in the YC.. (which brings me back to the incident in BK where she nearly bit my head off when I sort-of-accidentally-by-mistake told her we had joined without her. Well.. actually.. I said 'We joined the YC!' and saw my life flashing past my eyes at the next moment.)

Didn't go for mass with them.. instead, Dean, Sha and Claire came over..

We played around, gossiping about PAO (if Claire remembers.) and other stuff.. Deannie was so hilarious! I swear, she has mood swings!

We went through the videos.. and realised that my footage was gone. Like, 'Poof! Where the bloody hell did it go??!' gone. All that was left was our ending.. which isn't very helpful, really.. and some shots of the stadium.. again, not helpful.

So we were complaining to Mr. Zee.. and bullying Claire.. and all that.

It's really beddy-time now.. half an hour has passed since I started.. (I blog and do other stuff and the same time, mind you.) And hence, I bid whoever still bothers to read this, a goodnight.

Your love is bringing me higher.

Wow, almost a week since the last update. It shows that I'm making an effort not to turn on the laptop at any given opportunity.

Anyway, The last week has been rather mundane. Nothing much to blog about.. The stupid Beijing project that will cost me much needed time needs to be done by Friday.

And I found out that Ms Lee isn't bad at teaching A Math.

My new seat with Nuz, Nic and Yi ying is great! I'm really paying attention and only laughing when appropriate.. (MOST of the time.) Of course, these things need time to change.

Anne got a Rubik's cube today. Well, she brought it to church, rather. And I was painstakingly tyring to teach her how to solve it. We managed to reach the last 2 steps, but belle forbid us to continue.

Joan was impressed when I solved the cube during homily. (Oops.) and then she messed up Anne's which earned her the 'eye-roll'.

Belle spied Peter sleeping during the homily! After mass, we saw him at Sea Ave. and I went "Hey Peter! How was the homily- *closes eyes and snores*" To which he violently defended himself as falling asleep AFTER the homily. He is a laugh!

The YC meeting was hmm.. half-dreary, half-productive. I mean, it was totally productive, but I couldn't help but zone out every time a little speech was presented. Hence, for me, 50-50.

We were complaining about the politics among our confirmation cohort's level teachers to Nana and Sharon. I wanted to blog about that today, but that'll probably be next week's topic as class restarts for the last year (for moi.)

Only 5 months to confirmation. I'm really scared that the talkatives will be separated after that. I mean, right now, during the hols, we barely see Nat and Sam already. We can still meet up for mass, but after that? The future is terribly unpredictable.

Hopefully, Nat, Joan and Anne will join the YC/YF like they want to, and Tia stays in church.

I've known them so long, it will be hard to let go.

If you leave me now, you take away the very heart of me.

I was clueless. Well, not really.. The truth was there, just not for me to go exploring with. And I had thought that everything was fine.

And then the big blow came this morning. I was really having a normal, not-much-feeling-to-begin-with day, this blew my guts down to smithereens.

I mean, with the whole shenanegan happening last year, I thought it would smooth over by now.. Guess not.

Dione is right, I should concentrate on my studies and not care anymore. After all, I'm doing my O'levels for me, not they. But everyone's life should be filled with balance right? Not all study! And how the hell am I supposed to concentrate when I know somewhere, people are shooting daggers at me because I apparently say a little too much.

You know what? I give up. I don't care anymore. I'll just become the next talking point in class. The one where everyone goes "OMG, there she is! Better not get her in my group leh.. Aiyoh." Sigh.. Why is it the only people truly accepting me for who I am are friends I made 10 years ago? Am I really that destined to live my life shunned away from girls because they are way too sensitive for MY sarcasm?

Well, screw me for not being a boy, huh. My brothers are so much more worse than me and they can make friends lasting lifetimes. Why can't I??

As the song goes, High school's a bitch.

Cause it hurts me so just to see you

Anyway, the first week of school has passed by without much incident. Most of it was sleepy sleepy... I can't believe I'm in Sec 4 already.. how fast does time want to fly?

Anyway, I aim to be really dilligent this year.. but the obstacles in my way include a very vaguely-understandable A math teacher, my inability to get use to the 7 hour school days and the 8 hour sleep nights, a new meaning of 'cannot concentrate', and of course, the fact that I can't study. Which last year's finals proved.

Anyway, I have a new seat, and hopefully, it will help me in achieving my goal, which inevitably will lead to a hopeful scholarship overseas to get a degree in research in neuropsychology.

Right now, the 10/11pm bedtime clock embedded in my system for the school year seems to be experiencing life again. That means I am feeling very bleary now.

So, off to the world of dreams, I head!

Cheerio!

Should old aquaintance be forgot

Happy New Year to everyone! That's right, it's time to rally in the new year with merry-making and celebrations!

Screw that. I feel the same as I did a day ago and I sure as hell don't want to be celebrating that fact.

Anyway, this year's new years' eve was quite fun! Anne and I went to Joan's for games and movies. Firstly, in my excitement, me and Joan decided to play Game of Life first, while waiting for Anne to join us. Then when she came, we restarted the game. I don't know why, but I like going to college first! (:

Halfway playing, Joan played Good Year.. however, we couldn't really understand it because our minds were half concentrating on the game, half watching. In the end, we changed it to Epic movie. It was better (in terms of understanding), but playing the game halfway, we abandoned it.

After the movie, it was time to head downstairs for Joan's mum's delicious brownies with fudge and ice-cream. And we went to watch 5 mins of the countdown with glasses of Sparkling Juice in hand.

Games of Cluedo followed.. 3 games ended so fast because of sheer luck.
Someone: I suspect... Mr. Green in the Library with the Candlestick.
Other two: No.. don't have..
First someone: Hah?! Really? Then I accuse lor.

Then the Daidi games.. in tandem with Scary Movie 4. In the middle of it, we decided to grab the other sparkling juice bottle. It took us 3 minutes to realise we needed a cork screw, 7 minutes to realise the cork couldn't be removed, 5 minutes to carve the top of the cork out with a knife, 6 minutes to realise that it wasn't working and the cork screw was.. screwed, and 9 minutes to figure out how to actually use a cork screw. So when we finally trugged up the stairs again, Scary Movie 4 was over.

Next was the Pursuit of Happiness.. which I hadn't seen yet.. halfway through, Joan and Anne fell asleep with promises of watching House of Wax next. And then.. the dvd screwed up. I tried rewinding.. restarting chapters.. nothing worked! In my frustration, and the realisation that they were already very deep in sleep, I dozed off. (This was at 4am.)

The next morning, we awoke at 8.30 and watched House of Wax.. which is totally gruesome.. and had breakfast after that..Joan's mum made toast with lettuce, cheese, eggs and ham.. ((:

And then, Anne's mum sent me home.

For New Years', we had the usual gathering at our house.. everyone came, I played with Vanessa's PSP, laughed at TJ's every move..

I have school tomorrow! I haven't said that in a while. hopefully.. this stays up and updated, however, I WILL try to do a blog closing if anything should happen.

I'm gonna be in Secondary 4.

My gosh, 6 words I never wanna say..

And to think I didn't even touch a book this holiday.. O'levels, here I come! ):

In the Spirit of giving..

I was supposed to post this pictures up a long time ago, but the last time I tried, blogger screwed up. After that, I had absolutely no time.

I usually stop being all crazy over stuff after a certain period of time.. I blame it on my inability to be easily impressed. So, basically, I have pretty much gotten over the Japan Hana Kimi Show.

But, I haven't really gotten over HanaKimi, because I just finished 23 volumes of it. That's right, my first intrusion into the world of drawn japanese characters also known as Manga. (pronounced Mah-ng-ga and not Meh-ng-ger, okay Tia?) Anyway, I only downloaded it because I read somewhere that there was an additional special ending. So I figured, why not just read the whole thing? It really is a very cute comic, so I'm glad I started off with this.. However, hopefully this phase will go away soon, because I have 2 years worth of studying to catch up with.

So, presenting a couple of HanaKimi-late pictures.

From left: Nanba Minami, Ashiya Mizuki, Sano Izumi, Nakatsu Shuichi.

I think Ikuta Toma (guy who plays Nakatsu) is very cute!

Oh mann... I forgot the guy who plays Sano! But he's also in Hana Yuri Dango..

Pretty nice show (:

OKAY! And we are moving along to other topics...

Yesterday was the church feast day. Went to church early for carolling practice with Genesis II choir.. Me n belle were in Soprano because they have mostly melodic parts.. but I tried Alto for Silent Night.. didn't really work.. oh well. Had the feast day dinner. Was so bloody bored!! Went early, so I KNEW I was gonna be bored.. so I brought my earphones.. even music didn't help... anyway, saw Joanne, Manny, Na na, Jason, Bernie, Andrew and Peter. When it started, I ate a bit, fiddled around as my table talked old people things.. and finally decided to stop moping about. First, I went to ask Joanne if she needed help, but it seemed she didn't. Then, I went to disturb Peter (he is so fun to talk to!) after which, I went to the staircase where I found Joshua Lee sitting with other small boys (don't ask me why.) Called belle and practically begged her to come.. (I say practically because I don't beg. period.) and in the end.. The lucky draw (in which Eugene got a vase and $20 taka vouchers.) was very fun! The 2nd prize was 0815.. and peter had the ticket numbers of 0814, 0816 n 0817, so he was so pissed!! Haha.. I think he's really funny. And Andrew was confirming that he liked girls although he liked shopping as well.. which I thought was funny.

It's really too bad that I can't make the AGM of the YC on the 1st.. what a date to choose.. but I love all of them soo much!! They're all great people!

Anyway, tonight is Joan's house time! We're gonna party the night away! By playing cluedo. Chao till then!

Hikkuri kaeru ai no maaku (WARNING, HANA KIMI SPOILERS AHEAD. MAY BE BORING TO NON-DRAMA-WATCHING PEOPLE.)

I spent Christmas doing the annual usual christmas stuff I do at christmas... With a new twist! This year, instead of rotting my jolly season away with endless gift-exchanging, carol-singing and merry-making, I managed to SQUEEZE in a little extra something... Drama-watching!

That's right.. On an impulse started from some Friends trivia (don't ask. Long story.) I went onto Crunchy Roll the day before christmas (Christmas Eve, for those still racking brain cells.) signed up and typed in Hana Kimi. The Japanese Version, of course, because it was highly recommended by Dione.

Of course, I've had many many recommendations, including ones by Dione, Ping, Anne and even Mel.. but somehow, I just figured that since I already know the basic plot of Hanazakarino Kimitachihe, it wouldn't be very heavy watching.

Of course, by strange, crazy luck of questionable nature, the show turned out to be quite unexpected, ABSOLUTELY fantastic, and lastly, addicting. Now I watch to watch it again... And again. And again. And again.

Then there's also the other dramas I want to try, like Hana Yuri Dango, which I was suppose to watch AGES ago... Devil Beside You (recommended by many, so I'm thinking it should be quite nice.)... then there's the ones Ping swears by like the Why Why Love one..(how do they come up with THESE titles?! A hat?!) The Lamb with the Stars... (Fang Yang De Xing Xing) The Bean Cow one.. (whose chinese title I forget.. I just remember something about basketball..) And many many more...

The thing is, with my graduating year approaching at 100mph, I will have absolutely no time to enjoy these little nuggets of pleasure... until after OCTOBER... Probably then, I'll restart my blog (which would undoubtly collapse sometime within the next year.. I say that because this year ends in 5 days anyway.) and become a Drama Fanatic!

I can't believe I'm going to become a Drama Fanatic... And in less than a year... Oh the torture of the anticipating period.. how it mocks me so!

Of course, there's also the choice of what types of dramas I want to have 'expertise' in.. Taiwanese seems like the best bet, although I wouldn't be able to stand the same plots over and over again.. (The main plot is of course different, the basic, uncoloured one is the same.) Right now, the Japanese ones seem good because of the varying plots, and their ability to keep the romance interest sparked while still focused on the main point of the story as well.

Of course, I can't say that to every drama, but this is the analysis I have collected from both verions of Hana Kimi. The only drama I have ever watched, hence might be a little biased. Or a lot.

(SPOILERS AHEAD. STOP IF YOU PLAN ON WATCHING THIS.)

In the Taiwan one, the main point (Sano Izumi/Zuo Yi Quan high jumping again.) is only stretched till the 4th or 5th episode. After that, the rest of the show is not really based on high-jumping anymore, which would confuse the people who expect so. The Japan one lays almost the entire show with High-Jump bits, whether it's what viewers want or not, that's still the main focus of the show. The final is only shown in the 11th Episode, the second last one.

(NO MORE SPOILERS (: )

Anyway, both versions are great in their own right, and even though I prefer the old one, I say, watch both!

To all my readers, a joyful christmas and a fantastic new year be upon you! (:

When the world seems to spin away

The long non-updating was due to Blogger being a bitch. Either that or my laptop being an asshole. Either way, I couldn't.

Anyway, I'm feeling tired (the ONLY time I can sign in, and it's almost midnight.) and due to a previous mounting headache I managed to wrangle after 2 hours spent in my room clearing out drawers, my energy has also seriously depleted.

Hence, instead of giving the 411 of what I did previously, I shall provide details of what remains of my holiday period before the year of the big ONE SIX dawns upon my existence.

23rd Dec, Sunday (tomorrow) - Church. The completion of christmas presents.
24th Dec, Monday - Christmas Eve. Morning spent moaning in laziness, evening spent in church.
25th Dec, Tuesday - Christmas day. Spent at Aunty Rita's. Expect dizzy laughter.
26th Dec, Wednesday - My gosh. I'm free. I'm actually free! Can you believe that??! Okay... I'm sure something will come up anyway.
27th Dec, Thursday - BAND. roar. And dinner at the Kwa's. Not sure of the dress code though.
28th Dec, Friday - Tuition in the wee hours of the morning (Tentative.) and then the MJ concert.
29th Dec, Saturday - Con class BBQ! Can't wait to do stupid things with the gangQ
30th Dec, Sunday - Church Feast day. Dinner and MAYBE carolling.
31th Dec, Monday - New Year's Eve. Morning spent sloth-like. Evening with my darlings.
1st Jan, Tuesday - New Year's. Morning spent grumpy after lack of sleep. Day spent at...crap, I don't know.

Anyone wants to book an appointment? I'll see how I can fit you in.. Till then.

If I just spread my wings..

I went to brush my teeth 15 mins ago and went to grab the toothpaste off the sink counter. After which I glanced at the toothbrush holder and realised my brush was not among those present. At a double-take, I (being the paranoid one.) panicked and started looking everywhere from the bottom of the holder (God knows why.) to the laundry basket where it might have dropped. In the end, I found it in my cup. Where I had left it right before I even thought of brushing. What an adventure..

Anyway, it's about 12 midnight now so I shall not go into any heavy, indept material, but simply write down today's happenings.

I woke up at around 12pm, finishing my latest book conquest then and there. Spent 3 hours on the laptop for the primary reason of sending Belle the finished version of our testimony. Then, it came to me that she was gone for the day and there was no way she would be able to receive the mail in time for mass. So, as a substitute, I logged on to facebook and played card games till 2 plus.

That was when I received a call from darling belle to meet at HFC at 3.30 for the speech practice. Quickly getting ready (okay, not SO quickly, I remember taking my time, actually.) for church, I decided to wear my slip-on sandals; the worse decision of the day ever.

Cabbed to church, leaving the house at 3.15, and found out that I was the first one there. Well, first one meaning between me, belle (the one that rushed me out of the house and was later than me anyway.) and Darren. Met Joanne and Nana there in any case. Anyway, belle came 5 mins later and we practiced the script while trying to contact darren. (Apparently he was at Genesis 2 choir practice... being G2 king and all.. his words, not mine.)

Practiced it about a few million times before heading up to the canteen where the youth band was playing. Spent ard an hour there fellowship-ing with the Facil(iTAtors) and other people. Self-volunteered to become ushers! More laughs, new action songs and LOTS of comments on how poetic my script was. "Songs, new and familiar, graced our ears and lips and warmed our hearts which were already sparked from the walk before." I like cryptic! Sue me!

Praise and worship began! Belle, Fiona and I were sitting at the front row, sitting our hearts out. And then, Joan and Tiara came, only they were too scared to go in. Manny came straight to our row and told us "I think there's a bunch of your friends waiting for you.." Aiyoh. So paisei.

Mass went on smoothly, we had also volunteered for offering duty (very enthu lah, these people.) and our speech went on nicely.. except for "Faciliators." I swear.. belle.. you confused me.. aiyoh.

Anyway, after mass, the Camp Incredible video showed.. Go Iron man! And we skipped refreshments (okay.. we ate like, one muffin, okay?) instead opting for dinner. It was me, belle, joan, tia and gerard. (ermm.. i still think that was abit awkward and random, but it was fine in the end.) We chose pastamania again as our dining place for the evening. The tuna and bacon was great, but not very 'oomph' if you know what I mean. Tia almost passed out laughing at almost anything (well.. not really.. I said peanuts and she stopped.) and we did a few rounds of blonde and racist jokes.. hai.. the people of this generation ahh.. no shame wan..

Met Josh, Brian, Cedric and Darren (the boy, not the chief.) at ermm.. somewhere between KFC and BK cuz they were about to leave. Bid farewell to them and went to BK to play cards. (What else, right?) Stupid belle and her "We must find a messy table! OMG! A messy table! Score!" That was so it could look like we bought something.. but come on! A BIT too drastic right? It was dirty stuff, other people's germs on that tray! Who knows who sat there before? (Or rather.. who noticed lahh..)

Played anyway.. and after a while, Josh came to say goodbye to us. And THEN, ANOTHER while later, all 4 of them came back. Like that. A bit strange.. but they told us not to ask questions.. so we didn't.

After a few rounds of bridge.. (hilarity increased especially with Josh around.) tumpang-ed a cab with Josh, Darren and Cedric. Was supposed to get my own cab, but Brian decided to be nice and take a bus home. Being a great and smart guy, Josh managed to sing till I almost begged to be deaf and drop Cedric's phone under the front seat. And then I reached home.

I feel really bad cuz apparently, I didn't tell my parents about the speech thing.. well, I forgot! And now, mummy's feeling really sad cuz she missed it.

Sorry mummy!

Well.. I shall be off to bed as soon as I visit some things.. Till then, (:

Saviour, he can move the mountains.

My brother just stole the chocolates that Belle bought.. Not only that, he just grabbed the whole packet and stuffed the maltese in his mouth like a deranged maniac while I tried to tickle it away from him. Oh well... that was fun to watch.. 100g of chocolate sealing his big, stupid, annoying mouth.

Camp Incredible was 3 days ago, and I miss alot of things! Like.. my whacky, crazy facils, Kenneth and Crystal.. the equally crazy group of mine... I miss Carisia, my girlfriend in the group! Rooming with Jie Jac, Belle and Carisia... the less than 5 hours of sleep I got each night.. The awesome 'mission' at Sentosa... Getting nice and soaked in the water... The Praise and Worship session.. sigh.. The not sleeping for the night and ending up laughing like crazy psychos.. Bridge with Ryan, the Joshuas, Belle and Darren... Big bloody deals.. 6 boys sleeping in our room.. Communication!

The best camp so farr.. And the greatest facils and organisers ever!! Darren, Manny, Andrew, Audra, Steph!, Sharon, Kenneth, Chris, Eugene, Crystal, Angela, Alex girl, Joanne, Nat! And Many many more!!

Well.. that's pretty much what and whom I miss..

I shall post again when my brain doesn't feel drained and juiceless.