A love like ours is love that's hard to find.I felt oddly sick today. Like, when I tried miserably to trudge up the stairs, all I could feel was the nagging pain in my stomach and chest. Anyway, I took the Chinese CA during recess and went home after that.
I haven't felt that sort of calmness yesterday. I just stared at the open sea, the wind blowing strongly and my already-mused hair flying all about. It was like God was trying to tell me it was okay. To just relax, because all would be alright. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay there forever. I wanted to grab the moment and lock it in place, forever reminescing about it. I wanted to continue taking pictures with all those people, because for once in a very long time, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Not flitting from clique to clique, going wherever they were kind enough to accept me. I even went so far as to start laughing again. It's now when I think about it, that I realise that I haven't laughed like that in school (or with fellow school-mates, rather) in so long.. Was I really being outcasted for so long? It didn't seem like it. When I was with Dione and the rest, there seem to be only serious conversation. Even the not-so-serious conversations seemed too draggy to actually be taken lightly. I wasn't myself, I realise now. I mean, my real self. The idiot that gets high very easily and launches into a series of bad jokes that causes laughter because it is just too bad to not be laughed at. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Dione. But I need her more in situations where I become too overwhelming for my own self to handle. Because I guess, she's really good at being frank and dousing me with cold water to wash my dillusioned eyes. But I'm guessing the real reason I've been so moody later is because there's been no outlet for my crazy side.
That statement alone sounds pretty crazy, I can tell you that. I wish I was on that boat again, relishing in my life, because although it stinks shit sometimes, it really ain't half bad.
Thank you, Lord.
(In Memory of Heath Ledger, 28. Died on the 22th of January, 2008. May he find eternal peace at last.)
