It's all I ever needed you to know.

Dinner with Tammy was really fun. I'm really glad I'm getting really close to her. :)

We had dinner at Astons, and then retreated to BnJs (My darling boyfriends) to feast on Chunky Monkey, Strawberry Cheesecake and Cookie Dough.

I think I really enjoy having one-on-ones. Like, even more than I enjoy spending time with friends in a group.

It's really much more intimate, plus it's a great way to get closer to people you wanna know more about.

Having OP practice with the group now. This is the 'last time we'll ever be at Steph's house doing Project Work' as Janice so acutely mentioned. It's rather bitter sweet.

Sure, PW was as horrible as the day is long and it gave me horrible headaches and sleepless nights. But it was also fun to have this group to hang out with. I got closer to Alicia, Janice, Henry and Zong Yang as a result of PW. We've experiences things that can't be replicated outside of anything ever. And we've gone through shit together to the extent that no one else would exactly know how each of us felt unless they were part of this magnificent group.

I would now like to take this opportunity to thank the four of them. Every single one of them indeed made PW feel like it wasn't an extremely horrid thing to do. Sometimes, it was fun to just sit with my group and talk about nonsense. Yes, there were times that we didn't get much done? But in the end, I think we were as efficient as efficient gets.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! <3

So now, we shall continue to rehearse our oral presentation and I pray to God that it turns out very well.

Hunt you down

I don't like people who think they can mess with my good friends and get away with it.

I'm SORRY I don't get A's in any subject.

I'm SORRY I can't qualify for any H3 subjects.

You know what? I'm not that sorry. I get to spend the rest of my JC life with friends whom I love and whom love me. And I'll work hard to achieve whatever I want in life.

And you'll be lonely and sad. Because no one can stand an idiot who sprouts the F-word every 5 seconds. You barbarian.

I sure hope for the hell of you that your econs project goes well. If it ends up like your PW, you really won't have any friends left.

If any girl ever has an inkling of ANYTHING other than dislike for you, I wish her well.

If you come back

The long hiatus from band disippated my passion for playing. And one practice brought it all back.

That's how much I really enjoy music I guess. Even though I say I'm so sick of it already, I'll never mean it. Not entirely.

I decided to give Singapore Idol a try today. Basically because there was nothing else to watch on TV.

Less than 10 minutes into the show, I decided that it was indeed a waste of my life should I continue watching it. Basically, it wasn't even because the contestants had mediocre voices.

1) The judges were SO politically correct, they weren't even necessary. I mean, there's no bite. No edge. I know Ken Lim apparently somewhat offended the Tamil community before, but without the teeth, judging becomes THAT much more boring.

2) Florence Lian actually said 'sorry'. She criticised a contestant, which I believe was constructive and good for him, and THEN she apologised. If you were trying to mother him, then why let him enter? If you're gonna apologise for HIS mistakes, doesn't it show how he cannot stand a little critic and hence should not enter a COMPETITION?

3) Gurmit greeted the contestant after his performance by saying 'No matter what the Judges said, that was a DAMN good start to the show!' Okay. What. The. Hell. Was. That. Seriously. Even though the judges were super PC, you don't have to completely disregard their comments right? It could be seen as being biased. It could be seen as you thinking that the judging is completely irrelevant to the voting. And worst of all, it could be seen as entirely unprofessional and just plain stupid.

Anyway, the singing is not bad. I mean, I admit I was adamant about not watching the show because of its overrated-ness and mediocrity. However, the contestants aren't the ones spoiling the image of a 'Singapore Idol'. The rest of the show does the job pretty well.

I now have a tent that's undone and lying in my room. I don't know how to make it all nice and neatly folded again.

And I decided to ask out a guy whom I've been complaining is weird.

I can be such a loser sometimes. Seriously.

Every breath you take.

I feel happy today. This is an emotion which has an iffy origin.

It could be that my group's OP is coming along nicely and we only need a bit more of practice to fully nail this.

Or it could be that comment that Gorden made. He didn't notice me as I walked past him, so I called out his name. He looked at me surprised and gave a 'hey!' After that, he grinned and said 'Looking good.'

Haha! Gosh, I am SUCH a girl. I was blushing so much.

It made me feel good though. I guess cuz' I've never really been 'checked out' outside my family. Which completely doesn't count.

Anyway, I'm a happy girl. And I was counting my blessings on the train today. I have so many. :)

You are the weapon I choose.

I realise I can never get angry at him.

No. That's a lie. I can. Thing is, I can never STAY angry at him.

Not if I wanted to. Probably not if he ripped out my heart and left me to die.

I'd probably forgive him in a heartbeat if ever he looked at me with those pleading 'I'm sorry' eyes. Or that voice.

I don't think he realises how dangerous he is. He could very well hurt me to the extent where I'd stay paralysed forever. And I'd probably tell the prosecutor that I don't wanna press charges. And tell them to let him go.

I'm so screwed up, it's actually quite funny. And yet, I'll never stop. Not until he completely and utterly rejects me. Which will probably happen... Although he may have the heart to do it nicely. And how nice it could be. Fantastic.

And (get this, people!) I'd probably not even stop THEN! Yeah! Isn't it a laugh and a half? I'd probably still run to hug him even as he slowly gorges my heart out from its safe haven in my chest.

Like one of those things where you know you'll definitely get hurt. And yet you still insist on trying. Like touching the blue part of a burning candle. Or falling face-first into the icy-cold pool.

Or one of those things you do which you know you'd regret ever doing, yet do it anyway, because it just calls out to you. Like closing the bathroom door though you know extremely well that the broken lock only allows it to be opened from the inside.

It's a feeling only I understand. And you don't unless you know perfectly well what I'm going through. No one does actually. This is the one thing that cannot be indefinitely explained to any one person still living on this earth. Like the entire bible. Can't be explained.

The one thing good that probably comes out of this, is that it explains how I am most definitely not a robot. Even though I may be blue, green and yellow-brained (emergenetics), the only possible way which proves that I AM indeed a robot, is for me to look at this situation logically.

And NONE of this is logical. To the rest of the world, anyway.

A summer's disregard.

I've got a lot to do. That's probably why signs were telling me not to play mj at belle's.

So yes. Exams are over. But no, I'm not free. At all. Not even a little bit.

Oh well.... I'm just gonna hope for the best.

Anyway, in my hectic-ness, I managed to complete Dan Brown's 'The Lost Symbol'. How? Well, basically, before yesterday, I kept sleeping at 1. Which isn't really very.. healthy. Which is why I slept at 2130 yesterday. Which, again isn't very... healthy.

And now, I'm starting on Jane Eyre. Which is a really good book. I'm enthralled by it. Sort of.

Anyway, the date is set. I think. I don't really know actually. I'm scared. I don't really know what to say to him, how to say it to him... I'm scared shitless basically. Janice suggested I start practicing. So I told Henry and Zong Yang that I liked them. At separate times. Henry's reaction was a funny sound. Like a 'Yeah right, mm-hmm' sorta thing. Hahaha! And 'Darius' gave me a look like I just told him I was going to Afghanistan to sun-bathe. Okay. It wasn't exactly 'real' practice, but I mean.. the reactions were funny enough.

I'm getting closer to my guys in my class. Like LZY, Henrzzz and Oliver. HAHA. Yes, even though Oli's been real irritating, calling me a bimbo and throwing water at me, he's a fun guy lah. And it's fun to talk to him. Maybe I should practice on him too. HEH.

I want to talk to people. But they're just not showing themselves online. OR anywhere... it's a little upsetting. Especially since I've started to get closer to them and I kinda miss them. =/

I'm still scared. I don't know what will happen. I don't know how he'd react. I'm scared. All I know is that this is something I need to do. It is. It feels right. Even though I wanna keep chickening out? I know I'm gonna do it in the end. Regardless of the results. It's just something I have to do. Right?

Not listening in chem lecture

I know i'm supposed to be listening, but i just feel like sleeping. and the bell just rung, so i just wasted 50 mins of my life doing nothing but going to facebook and talking to jie hui. I should be hung. I'm completely satisfied, happy even, with my results.

If tomorrow never comes

 

So what is the deal? I can't seem to find a foothold anymore. I may be going off balance. Tripping into the abyss that is my life. Nice.

I like the game of 'three words'. Completely threw us off playing mahjong (and it took 4 hours to finish one game) but it was stupid and funny.

Actually, the whole thing was stupid and funny. And people would go crazy. Very crazy. And sing. And sing some more.

I know I told some people that I would never get a tattoo.. But I'm considering it. I know. It's completely berserk. At the same time, you only live once, right?

And I should stop going out after school. I know my promos are over, but there are things I have to do. Things that I seem to be avoiding. Not good.

And I don't know how I'm gonna tell him. Because I keep replaying the same scene over and over again. And the results are getting more in my favour each time.

I blame him. And me, mostly. But him. HE *points* did THIS. So yes. I don't think I'm prepared for the worst. So right now, I'm preparing to be unprepared for the worst.

Oh. And I decided that I hate the part of a funeral where they let you view the body going into the furnace. I don't ever wanna see it again. It's horrible. And completely cruel.

And I think I did well for Econs and Math. And chem.. That was a surprise. A good surprise. J

(This was written on the 26^th of October 2009 at 2330. However, Blogger screwed up. So..)

You are the reason that I still believe

Everything hurts. My arms feel like they're perpetually lifting heavy objects. My abdomen feels like my brother made it his favourite couch. All thanks to cable-skiing yesterday. Which was completely and utterly fantastic! Ping said it would hurt like shit today. It did.

I couldn't get the hang of it. Especially the wave-boarding. But knee-boarding was so much easier. And well, although I flew into the water a few times, i still made it to the furthest part of the lagoon in the end. Which is not really cool because then you have to walk back. But it's okay lah.

I'm just glad I wore my contacts.

Anyway, I really don't wanna go to school today. I planned to, later on, because I have a lot of stuff I need to do in school. But I don't feel like moving...

Talking to Ping was really cool yesterday. I think the way she squealed when we talked was so cute. Haha! I really didn't expect her to have so much juicy stuff to say. So adorable. :))

We talked for one hour plus near the drink stall. I didn't bring a towel after cable-skiing, being the smart girl I was. So I was wet, with my shirt sticking uncomfortably to my skin. And my hair was crazy dry and matted. But it smelt like sea water which was refreshing! (Not 'smelly', as Ping described it.)

I ate horribly unhealthy orh-luak for dinner. And Ping ate char kuay teow. I told her I didn't really like it cuz' it was too oily for me. Which is weird cuz' what I was eating was so much more oilier than her food. But I'm weird, so yeah.

Had the most tense-est liturgy meeting of my life yesterday. It was completely fine and stuff, you know? Ladies night (and one guy) and all that.. But then it turned into the topic of reshuffling the groups. (My group was not affected of course, cuz' you had to be 17- 20-ish to join. And no one really meets that criteria anymore.) And me and belle was just laying in the corner, looking back and forth as the chilled ladies night almost turned into a total cat fight complete with cake and icing. But it was cool in the end. I think. It ended rather amicably.. sort of. With ladies, it's always hard to tell. You could tell that the animosity was still a little present, even as they ended the night. But it gave way to a spiritual ending, cuz' you know, everything needs to start and end with God.

You know how to look for that silver-lining? Draw it yourself.

Cause you keep me from falling apart

I'm gonna make a list of things that are happening before the year ends. I know I've done this already... but it wasn't very apparent or blatant then. Now that there's about 2 months left in the year, I would like to explicitly mention what I'm supposed to commit to. In 2 months.

- Project Work (WR submission: 31st Oct. OP date: 10th Nov)
- China trip (17th Nov - 1st Dec)
- Band camp (3rd Dec - 5th Dec)
- Church camp (10th - 13th Dec)
- Fiesta concert (11th Dec)
- Acapella (27th Dec)

This things? They don't start on those dates mentioned. They require work, and planning, and more planning, and more work. And hours I can't afford. And these are only the major things I need to worry about. There're many small tiny pain-in-the-ass things I need to do too.

Oh right. Note the dates. See the spaces in between. It's a laugh.

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up

Young love in the sun.

The sleepover was fantastic! We baked, watched movies, and gossiped, and all that.

Daryl's maids made awesome food! For dinner, we had pasta, sausages, black-pepper chicken wings, potato salad with egg and avacado with bacon. For breakfast, we had smoked sausages, scrambled eggs, ham, bacon, and sauteed mushrooms and tomatos. o.0

I had an awesome time talking to Shufen today. I'm really glad we're getting closer. I like having someone to relate to. It seems like we're having the same set of problems. Okay, well maybe not the same? But it's rather similar.

I guess after the promos, it just leaves my heart wide open for everything to sink back in. Everything that everyone said to 'wait after promos' for has decided to sneak out of its little holding cell and let itself loose on all humanity.

Anyway, I've pretty much decided that this is right. And that I should do it. And whether it becomes something I regret or not, well, at least I tried.

Sometimes I wish I had a simple crush on a simple boy like other normal girls. And that even if nothing happened, well, it wouldn't be bad. At all. It would be rather teenage-ish, actually? And normal. And sane.

Not crazy like this.

And well, when it comes down to it, all I want to do is do it and hope for the very best. While preparing for the very worst.

I will not leave alone everything that I own.

Okay. The Temasek Junior College Promotional Examinations are over.

So today was supposed to be a good day... And it was, for the most part? But things just happen to really just ruin your entire mood. Stupid, stupid things.

Anyway, Joan just cheered me up again. She showed me this video on youtube about kids fighting zombies. It's a prank some producers pulled on the kids. It's SOO cute.

Walking around Ikea was fun. I could've enjoyed it a bit more if I remembered my solution. My contacts were soooo dry. =/

Lunch was.. WOAH. I had swedish meatballs. I LOVE IKEA MEATBALLS. And the chicken wings were to DIE for.

And I loved walking around sitting on the beds, playing with the kids toys, sitting on the couches, playing 'kitchen' in the man's kitchen. I like how Huiling, Janice, Yiwen and I would just walk around aimlessly, and find Ping and Yvonne sitting in some ulu place.

And how we couldn't find them in the end. HAHA.

And there was this STUPID prank call from some idiots about a cat. -__________-''

Well, anyway, it was awesome hanging out with the girls. And Ikea furniture is cool.

I want a loft.

And you know what? I don't need you. I have such good friends, no one can take them away from me. Screw you.