I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

This is the best outlet for me to pen down my thoughts because I don't know where else to put them.

Also, it means that the few little who care about me can keep up with my latest musings.

Of course, I'll like to add (for their benefit) that my inner emotions are merely a minor manifestation of how I truly am feeling. I might be inclined to pen down depressive musings, but this is more likely than not because I'd rather let these out quickly and allow the good stuff to sink in.

I mentioned in my last post that he isn't a very 'texty' guy. And while that's all well and good if we spent enough time together, the truth is that we don't. Because of exams and what have you not.

Which means the only form of communication I get with him are through texts and skype. Perhaps the occasional call. I think I'm just the sort of girl that needs a lot of attention just to feel assurance. After all the experiences I've had with dating and men, I suppose it's not that difficult to figure out why. I'm not broken. Just bent. And I am capable of love. His assurances yesterday were amazing. And for a while I felt sorry I ever doubted him. Here is a man who said in his own words that he 'wanted to listen'. And he quietly did as I rambled on for 40 mins. (So it said on the Skype timer.)

He didn't promise that he'd be the best boyfriend ever. He didn't promise he'd never hurt me. He promised that we would do things my way, at my pace. And he promised that I had nothing to worry about.

And yet here I sit. Worried as fuck. Because I miss him so much. And he doesn't seem to be. And I know he does miss me a hell lot. Because when I'm in his arms I can tell he never wants to let me go.

It's just so hard because my heart and my mind are at constant loggerheads. My heart is so ready to fall, so eager to just let him catch me. But my mind is stopping me, questioning every single movement.

I've stopped my mind from questioning the little things, for the most part. I try to swipe them away now. It's not easy but I'm slowly getting better at it. At the same time, I wonder if I'm starting to be too clingy. Constantly telling him that I miss him and being the first to 'break' and text him when we haven't texted in a long while.

Okay I seriously just fucking need to stop and relax.