Look into my eyes

It's too much. Really. I don't know what to do.
At this point, I'm taking things one at a time. I literally wait till I 'cross that bridge'. Really.
I'm not planning ahead. I'm not thinking of anything happening beyond next week. Heck, Im not thinking of tomorrow.
There's a lot going on tml, btw. So... not thinking of it is quite freaky. But I'm willing myself not to think about anything else. I spent too much time delving into the 'affairs of the heart', which FOR GODS' SAKE is NOT gonna get me any scholarship into any damn university any time soon!

Now that I'm back in reality and I had my 'fun', I have to face the consequences of my actions. Which are not pretty. And I'm totally going crazy over here.

Dear dear girl, how could you have let yourself slip? Over a guy, no less. C'mon.. you're not 13 anymore, are you?

Gosh, I WISH I was 13. Then again, I don't. I don't know. I just wanna do what God wanted me to do.

Then again, Alvin once told me that completing my education is the one thing He wants me to do now. Which I am trying to do. But it keeps presenting itself as an increasingly impossible thing to do.

Okay. God will make everything alright. Right? I don't know. I know I shouldnt do that. I'm confused. Should I rely on God? I mean... duh, I should. But God helps those who help themselves. Am I helping myself? I don't know. I'm SOO confused right now. I don't know if just praying will help, and I should stop worrying so much because God will provide. Or maybe He wanted me to be tested on something...?
I DON'T KNOW.

GOSSSHHHHH.

I'm completely going crazy. I really wanna stay at home for the remainder of the week and cool off, study at my own pace, etc.

But I can't. I didn't even STUDY for the most part of today. SO lazy, so lazy, so lazy. Couldn't bring myself to study, too bleahhh.... I'm SOOOOO screwed.

AARRGGHHH.. I don't know what to do anymore. I wanna just give this up to God. Seriously. I wanna just leave it to him. Like.... if I retain, it was His Will.

Maybe I should pray more.