'Imma get your heart racing in your skin tight jeans

Okay. I know I'm supposed to be studying. But I am too excited for June 2012.

IT'S PROMISING TO BE A BLAST.

6 June - After 12.15PM, My First Year at Manchester University is OFFICIALLY OVER.

7 June - Nat's coming!! And Pangaea!

8-9 June - Nat's still here!!

10 June - Coldplay Concert. (OHHMAAGAAADDDD)

11-13 June - AMSTERDAM, BABY.

15 June - GOIN' HOME, BABY.

21-30 June - KOREA, BABY.

This is not really helping my studying mood, but YAY.

Are you a cat or a dog person?

Okay. I'm freaking out a bit because there's only 10 days left to exams and I don't know how prepared I am, really.

A good thing going for me is that this is the most I have *ever* studied for *any* exam EVER.

Even my A'levels didn't see me pumping in so much effort.

It's just that I really wanna do well because I'm all the way here, and I really do love what I'm studying even with all the bullshitting and complaining I do about the stuff I have to study.

Anyway, I think I do need to take a chill pill. But in any case,


GGGAAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay. I'm done here.

Tell me your secret, tell me everything

When it comes to gay rights, and gay marriage, I am still completely undecided on where I stand. Especially because I have yet to reconcile my societal view with my religious one.

When it comes to euthanasia, I am also pretty undecided on my stand. Although I am a firm believer that the only one allowed to tell you when you're going to die is God, in situations where you have loved ones suffering in pain and torment, it's hard as a Christian to stand by and watch helplessly.

But when it comes to abortion... Okay, perhaps I'm completely talking out of my ass here. Let me be the first to admit that.

I just don't believe that there is any good enough reason to abort a child (who is still alive).

Obviously, it hasn't happened to me yet. And perhaps, I'd feel differently if I was in that sort of situation. But right now, I simply cannot think of a reason good enough to want to end the life of a human being whose life technically hadn't even begun yet. 

I guess I just believe firmly that every life that is made has its own purpose here on earth. It's like being in a big production. There are the main actors, the extras, the props, the music. Every single person is important. Every single person, unborn or otherwise, has a soul.

Okay. What if the baby was conceived out of rape?

Yes, I would understand how hard must be. Okay, maybe I *don't* or *won't* understand the feeling, not having gone through it. But think about it... Emotional/Spiritual stuff aside, Are you really punishing an unborn foetus for the crimes of someone else?

It's just that. Life is so precious. One day you're here. Next day, you could die.

But who the hell are you to dictate when life should end?

But again, perhaps I'm just talking out of my ass.

Got to get yourself to that freedom

This is getting mildly annoying.

It's hard to study in my own room when distractions come screaming from the hallway.

One of the major reasons I don't want to go all the way down to the library is because it's crowded, it's too far away, and I don't want to lug my books to and fro.

Besides, I have been diligently doing work at home, although now I wonder how much more I could accomplish if I was seated with no fucking SCREAMING IN THE HALL.

Anyway, it's only a month more of this. Month more of dirty dishes piling up in the sinks, or even clean dishes clogging the areas around the sinks.

Month more of screaming in the FUCKING HALLWAY. I'm sorry, but do you not have a shred of decency in your systems?

I'm trying to sleep/study/listen to some nice music without the sounds of doors slamming and shouting from room to room because FUCK YOU ALL, THAT'S WHY.

I'm just hoping that whoever is my flatmate next year will have the decency to be NEAT and QUIET.

Anyway, I can't wait for June to come. Already, I have got plans lined up, and I'm not even home yet.

I can't wait for Amsterdam, and it *will* be interesting with just Mark and I going.

And of course, being back in Singapore would mean hanging out with some of the greatest people in the world - my awesome friends.

Okay, so I'm freaking out a bit because I don't know if I'm studying enough.
 :(

On another note, I really am in love with Jason Mraz's new album.

Here's an excerpt from his song 'I Never Knew You', and one reason why YOU should get 'Love Is a Four Letter Word'

"What made me forget everything I know?
All my beliefs, replaced by scenarios
Of unintelligent life, echoing in stereo
On invisible mics, winding to my mind
So I would like another look inside you,
Yeah I would love the chance to love you, like I've never known you."

But then I act like I know everything

Okay. I've bought new gym gear. So I have absolutely no excuse now when it comes to actually getting my fat arse to do some exercise.

Also, I'm rethinking studying EVERYTHING because obviously not everything is going to come out.

Oh my gosh. My life has come down to this. I have nothing more to say...

Sheesh. =/

Sometimes, I wanna disappear

Have you ever felt like... why bother?

I mean, it's in situations like this that I honestly wonder why I let myself feel this way.

But I guess, I'm only human.

I don't really think it's the person involved that made me feel this way, per se. It's the fact that I don't seem to be as important as I thought I was.

Well anyway, whatever. I suppose it's just one of those things that happens, and you move on.

I'm disappointed though. But maybe I'm just being insane.

It's just... I mean, I really didn't hope for anything. But at least for once, after all the shit I've been through this year, let me feel like I matter.

Because slowly, I don't feel like I matter anymore. To anyone.

Mother screaming and bitching aside, I feel like if I moved here permanently, not many people will care.

Maybe I should though. Move here and try to start a new life.

To be honest, I don't really know what's waiting for me at home.

I need a drink. :(

What do you see when you dream about it?

My brother's finally here in Manchester. :)

I really did miss him a lot. It's nice having a familiar, squishy, cute fat face around. :D

Nahh, I really do love my brother. HAHA.

He was so adorable today, actually GIGGLING when we did the Old Trafford tour and we saw the stadium. (OH DEAR GOD, HE GIGGLED.)

Anyway, I'm extremely tired. And I haven't been studying much these past few days. So I'm a little screwed. :(

So let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun.

This week turned out a lot better than I expected it to, considering I didn't actually plan any of the activities until it was pretty last minute.

First of all,

that happened. For anyone who doesn't know, that is Mark Foster, lead vocals of super mega awesome Indie Pop band, Foster The People. And I was literally about 2 metres away from him. The band is extremely amazing live, I've got to say. I'm not even like, a mega fan or anything. I didn't even listen to their music (besides the largely popular 'Pumped Up Kicks') prior to a day before the concert.

A friend just messaged me the night before and asked if I wanted to see them live. 'They're so amazing! It doesn't even matter if you're a fan or not!' was her sales pitch. And I've gotta say, she was right. Yeah, the entire place was packed, and we got pushed and squashed around for most of the 3 hours that we were there. We also had to wait in the freezing cold for about an hour before the actual concert. But it was worth it. I've gotta say. Would totally recommend this to anyone not feeble or easily freaked out by crowds.

Secondly, a couple of friends and I decided to have an impromptu night out at 5th Ave. Gotta say, I really do love the club only because I've been pretty into Indie music for a while now. Had an amazing time. Of course, I couldn't remember half the night, but that's why it was so amazing.

So yeah, this week turned out to be my 'end of freedom before exams' week. Of course, in saying that, I realised that my second brother is coming into town next week, so hitting the books next week is again, going to be pretty hard. But I'll try to plan stuff around my brother's visit.

Completely haven't touched my books at all this week. Which is really horrible.

But I've gotta say, I'm happy just experiencing life for what it is. Doing crazy things in my youth, screaming, losing my voice, just being happy. I can say I didn't let life go by wasted.

Another thing that shocks me constantly now is how many views my blog has been getting. I don't even know where all these viewers are coming from, but thank you for visiting (and/or reading. HAHA.) It's not like I'm getting thousands of views, but even 15-20 views a day is pretty flattering. :) That being said, it could be like those weird robot things that randomly view sites... Hmm.

In other news, I may be going to Amsterdam just before I go back to Singapore and I've asked my mum whether I could extend my stay, so YAY!

Life just keeps getting better, dunnit?

Tonight, we are young.

Tell me what you want

Sometimes I don't understand why...

Sigh. Anyway.

I need rest.

And as it fell, you rose to claim it.

For anyone who read the last post, I do apologise for my outburst.

Anyway! The matter is pretty much over. :)

I've had a rough couple of months. It's been a lot of ups and downs. The Lord truly put me through some tough times, but I'm glad to say, I think I'll be well and truly fine. :)

There was a period of time where I didn't even go to class, instead staying at home feeling totally and utterly desolate.

Thinking about it now... I can't believe that was only a few months ago. I really do feel like it happened eons ago.

I'm actually doing pretty well now. So far, in all my essays, I've managed to maintain a respectable 2.1. I *did* put in quite a bit of effort for my public law 2 essay. And scraping a 2.1 was a little bit of a disappointment. But I've read his comments about it and realised that there is a lot I could improve on. And you know what? I will. And I will get that 2.1 average OR first, if it's still possible. God be willing.

Okay well, that aside. I cannot be MORE excited that my Dorothy Perkins shipment of clothes has been despatched. Yes, I know. I'm a shoppaholic. But you know what? I BOUGHT A CUTE NEW NAVY STRIPED DRESS, SO YAY.

I do think that I need new pajamas though. I might head to Primark or something on Thursday as a treat. :)

Okay, you can tell I'm pretty happy. :)

I hope I can keep this up! :D

(Insert Jurassic Park Theme Song)

Hmm okay. I'm gonna try to approach this delicately.

Whatever is written on my blog, stays on my blog.

I rarely use this as a platform to burn others. (Notwithstanding those early teenager years before 2008.)

In fact, you can tell that most of these posts are about how I feel. About certain things. I use my most vulnerable self sometimes when writing posts.

And I'd appreciate if, when you read anything that could be used against me, you refrain from doing so.

I understand that, yes, this is a social media platform so anything I say here *can* technically be used against me.

But I implore you. I don't dedicate posts to 'that bitch I met today' or 'the idiot who couldn't shut up'.

I write here mainly because it's a good way to express myself without having to actually talk to anyone. Also, if anyone out there reads this and can maybe relate, they would know that they're not alone in any way.

If you wanna drop me a comment or message about anything, you may. I'm fine with that. If it's a genuine concern, I will reply you. My Facebook can be accessed by clicking on my many faces.

But if you use any information here for your own vindication, you have got to be the worst person in the world to exploit someone's inner expressions like that.

That's all.

It's not hard for me to love you, no, it's not a difficult thing.

At this point, I'm supposed to be starting on my 2000-word essay. Alas... I am not.

Sitting here in front of my computer typing this... I actually feel content. Not gleefully happy, or nonchalance, or wistful sadness. Just. Content.

To be honest, my life isn't completely going smoothly. As least, not how I would want to picture it. I seem to be losing a few friends here and there. I'm still horribly lazy about going to the gym. (Which I really should to train and strengthen that ankle of mine.) I still don't have someone in my life to call my own. And I'm not totally up to par with school work.

But listen: I'm not worrying. Firstly, you lose friends here and there. Some come, some go. I shouldn't worry that much about it. At the end of the day, if it wasn't meant to be, then I'll let it go, knowing that I tried my best and wasn't any more I could do. The gym, yeah... I really should go. So maybe this week, I'll plan one or two sessions. (Nothing to worry about now, I suppose.) About school work, well, I've been doing work the past few days. It's still a slow process, but at least I'm doing something. :)

And someone to call my own? Haha. I actually surprised myself with this one. Thinking about it now... I don't need anyone right now. If someone comes along, and we hit it off, great! But you know what? I've stopped looking. I've actually stopped looking. Wow. It's hilarious, me typing this. I couldn't believe it myself, to be honest. No, I've not given up on love. No, I'm not completely black-hearted now, filled with the shambles of past relationships. (Lol.) I've just, lifted this up to God.

I've been feeling a bit more confident about myself. Well, to be honest, that comes and goes faster than Wile E. Coyote blows himself up with Acme TNT, but hey. It's a learning curve.

You know what helps? The occasional annoying conversation from a random acquaintance on facebook. I've not talked to him in years, but recently, he's been talking to me a lot more. It's flattering more than anything to be completely honest. So even when I complain about it on twitter or to my friends, I've gotta admit, it's things like these that make me smile and realise that hey, I'm someone who's attractive and there're people out there who think so. So I don't need a particular person's opinion to keep me going. :)

And of course, no matter how many friends come and go, I know the few that will always be there. Never judging, never leaving. And that makes me happy. Because I could have 1000 facebook friends and 1000 twitter followers, but as long as I have these friends, everyone else could 'un-friend'/'un-follow' me and it would be okay. :)

So, yeah. Even though things aren't perfect now, I'm content. :)

You know what? A friend of mine once said that he loathed perfection. Because it took with it imagination, creativity and drive. And he's right. We should all strive for perfection. But the best part about life is that we will probably never get any. And that's fine by me. :)