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Showing posts with label Going crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Going crazy. Show all posts

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Come into my heart and we will never part

I dreamt that I almost got raped.

It felt just like a movie: the scene, the setting, the rapist...

I was at some family thing. I remember being in my bedroom when a guy, apparently my relative, came in. I forgot what he said but I started freaking out. The only thought on my mind was that I didn't wanna lose my virginity to this guy. It was so scary, I swear. I wanted to run out but he already locked the door. I started wailing as he came closer to me and I felt like 'this is it. My life is over.' I don't know how, but in my panic-induced state, i remembered that my phone was still clutched in my left hand. I discreetly scrolled down my contacts and called the first person I could think of; Joan. My family was still outside, I could hear them laughing. I don't know how, but I managed to wrangle out of his way and unlock the door, screaming for my mum and dad as loud as I possibly could. Joan was on the phone an I could hear her worried voice coming through the speakers. I could hear the guy right behind me and thankfully, that's when my dad decided to show up. As I heard my father yell at the guy, I crouched down behind my dining table, the phone pressed to my ear. I wasn't really talking to Joan but I kept apologising and wailing. She kept telling me to calm down and to count backwards from 9. After that, I only remember my mum and brothers and sister-in-law trying to console me.

I know this sounds terribly made-up and completely exaggarated on my part, but I swear to you that everything I wrote here is what I really experienced from my dream.

As I start off this new day, I can't help but still feel so violated and scared. I can't help but feel like I really did get almost violated.

I think I'm losing it. I'm about to go mad from the pressure.

If i can't even handle the first week of school, how am I supposed to deal with the other 51?