There's another conversation going on

I don't even know why I'm so upset. I suppose it's mostly because I honestly thought he was one of the good guys.

And of course, he didn't mean to hurt me. And I suppose he was just trying to be honest. But it still hurt.

What I want is to just give up on the idea of love. To stop believing in it.

Why should I? Why should I bother to find someone who'd stop treating me like something they can play with? Do I really look like I'm so hard-hearted that my feelings will never get hurt?

I suppose, in that regard, I have my parents to thank. For all their nonsense, their flaws, their crazy shit, they found each other. And even though they bitch, moan, fight and scream at each other, I know that they still love the other.

And I want that. And that's why I fight on.

In the meantime, I shall have to be patient. Trust me when I say it's taking every ounce of me not to just throw myself into a pit of depression.

Speaking of which,

It's also taking every ounce of me not to break a few necks and step on some people.

I suppose I shouldn't be very surprised that having a blog would one day come back to bite me in the ass. I guess people just need something to talk about, and no matter how much you want to avoid it, it just happens.

I'm really not upset about what I've heard. I could be. And I suppose it would be very easy to be. But I'm nothing if not smart, and I'd be kidding myself if I said I didn't see this coming, especially after some stranger started questioning me about my blog a while back.

In the end, I suppose it's not possible to control what people think and say about you. I just know that as long as the people that matter understand the full story, I answer to no one else.

I could say right now that I hope people just read my blog and understand that what I write here is just a way to express my inner most thoughts. But of course, whatever I say doesn't really matter. At the end of the day, people just take what they read at face value. I won't lie, I'm guilty of that too sometimes.

I bitch constantly about people. And trust me, it can be fun. And the stuff I learn about some people (which of course I shan't name or describe) can be quite eye-opening. So I suppose it's just karma that I get bitched about too.

In the end, it's just a huge game of who can be the biggest bitch. ;)