Now and then when I see her face, it takes me away to that special place.

I love being busy. It just sucks up all your energy and you feel so satisfied with life.

But did I maybe take on a bit too much when I signed up for TWO LAC cases?

Maybe.

Oh well. I'm actually really really enjoying myself this semester. I'm loving Spanish classes to death. I enjoy researching on practical legal shit that I'll actually need to know. And classes are pretty manageable.

Completely loving land law like the geek I am. Only missed one lecture so far this semester. Amazing, init?

Education law is fine, but the lecturer is a tad dry so it does take a bit of getting used to.

Jurisprudence needs a bit of work. But nothing a day spent in the library tomorrow can't fix. Oh dear, I am SUCH a geek this semester.

But absolutely loving it.

I'm going to kick until I need new shoes

Again it's another lonely valentine's.

Well, T's coming over and he asked me to be his valentine.

Thing is, I feel a little bad because I know he still likes me. And I *have* told him before that I don't like him in that way.. But we still talk and stuff, and he asked. And I have no one else.

I mean, how seriously desperate am I?

And mean, too. I'm just afraid of hurting his feelings and losing him as a friend.

With my busy schedule I honestly do wonder how I'm supposed to find someone. =/

Never had much faith in love or miracles

I need to start on my reading for Jurisprudence soon. Heaven knows there's a lot I'm totally confused about. And I need to be on the ball this term. Between my time spent at the LAC, and with the added Spanish class under my belt, I really do need all the time I can to finish up as much revision as I can.

Plus, starting on my readings would mean that I can get all the nonsense 'I'm lonely' thoughts out of my head. Valentine's day is a horrible 'holiday' because it messes with you, no matter how much you don't want it to. You tell yourself it's just another day, but commercialisation and society tells you otherwise.

In the end, we're all just a bunch of fish in the sea, being moved by the large currents. We kinda get to swim on our own (because we have fins and gills) and so it gives us a false sense that we're truly the ones in control. But we're not, are we? We're being controlled by whatever society dictates is the right way to behave, or act, or just be. In this case, the proverbial large currents that bring us to goodness-knows-where.

Hmm, I suppose this ties in nicely with the idea in jurisprudence, that we're all merely beings with the end outcome of achieving peace. Somehow, that idea has become skewered over the years. What is dictated as peace now is not the peace that everyone has an idea of.

In fact, as society progresses, everyone's opinions, ideas, perspectives on life get shifted, and changed, and due to globalisation, we get different ideas of what is right, what we want, what life should entail. But in the end, we do what society tells us is right. And who is 'society'? Erm... it's us, isn't it.

Like one of those fucking bloody vicious cycles.

Haha, life sure can be entertaining.

Anyway, I shall get started on jurisprudence. I shall. I will. No, don't say otherwise, I will. Stop saying I won't!

There's another conversation going on

I don't even know why I'm so upset. I suppose it's mostly because I honestly thought he was one of the good guys.

And of course, he didn't mean to hurt me. And I suppose he was just trying to be honest. But it still hurt.

What I want is to just give up on the idea of love. To stop believing in it.

Why should I? Why should I bother to find someone who'd stop treating me like something they can play with? Do I really look like I'm so hard-hearted that my feelings will never get hurt?

I suppose, in that regard, I have my parents to thank. For all their nonsense, their flaws, their crazy shit, they found each other. And even though they bitch, moan, fight and scream at each other, I know that they still love the other.

And I want that. And that's why I fight on.

In the meantime, I shall have to be patient. Trust me when I say it's taking every ounce of me not to just throw myself into a pit of depression.

Speaking of which,

It's also taking every ounce of me not to break a few necks and step on some people.

I suppose I shouldn't be very surprised that having a blog would one day come back to bite me in the ass. I guess people just need something to talk about, and no matter how much you want to avoid it, it just happens.

I'm really not upset about what I've heard. I could be. And I suppose it would be very easy to be. But I'm nothing if not smart, and I'd be kidding myself if I said I didn't see this coming, especially after some stranger started questioning me about my blog a while back.

In the end, I suppose it's not possible to control what people think and say about you. I just know that as long as the people that matter understand the full story, I answer to no one else.

I could say right now that I hope people just read my blog and understand that what I write here is just a way to express my inner most thoughts. But of course, whatever I say doesn't really matter. At the end of the day, people just take what they read at face value. I won't lie, I'm guilty of that too sometimes.

I bitch constantly about people. And trust me, it can be fun. And the stuff I learn about some people (which of course I shan't name or describe) can be quite eye-opening. So I suppose it's just karma that I get bitched about too.

In the end, it's just a huge game of who can be the biggest bitch. ;)

Looking for love in all the wrong places

Let's see if this goes well.

Let's see.

Hmm.