These streets will make you feel brand new

Okay.. Where do I begin..

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Rome was fantastic, but I'll probably blog about it some other time. Wifi has been a little hard to get. And I've finally managed to set up the internet in my room, so here I am!

Anyway, I'm extremely tired. Spent the day out with Elaina. Met a new friend from UCLA, a couple of my other flatmates, and a few others from the neighbouring flat.

So far, my flatmates are pretty lovely. There's Molly and Ben, native Mancunians. Nora, a Norwegian. And Dan, who's from England too, though I'm not too sure which part.

They're all rather nice.

Anyway, as I sit in my room, I can't help but feel quite homesick. I think it just hit me that I'll be on my own for the next year. No mummy or daddy to turn to.

I know that I've been complaining about them, but in the end, I do miss them a lot...

Hopefully I'll feel better after a bit...

I want to break free-

I’m typing this down on Microsoft Word and then posting this on another day because my hotel’s wi-fi has decided to act up and not work.

Anyway, I’m horribly tired. My parents and I decided to catch the evening show of ‘We will rock you’ and I’ve just arrived back at the hotel. I’m also a little pissed off cuz’ dad was so ‘kiasu’, he just HAD to leave right after the musical had ended. And apparently, the audience started shouting for an encore, and I heard ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ playing as I left the theatre… and I swear, my heart literally broke then.

Overall, it was a good day. But as usual, my parents always manage to damper it with all their nonsense. No bloody surprise there, really. I’m already getting sick of being the ‘control’ in their little ‘tug-of-war’. I feel like if I have to tolerate more of this, I’m gonna just beg to move into my dorm MUCH earlier.

One example of the little ‘games’ they play: My mum tends to walk really fast. And my dad isn’t what you’d describe as the fittest. And I’m ALWAYS fucking stuck in the middle, making sure my mum doesn’t wander off too far and my dad can keep up. Like the bloody fucking parent.

Also, my mum tends to act like an auntie. Also, no big deal. And then my dad complains about her, then my mum complains about him, and then, my dad complains about EVERYTHING. And I just think ‘okay. Only a week left.’

Don’t get me wrong. I love my parents more than life itself; can’t imagine a life without either of them… But when it comes to family time, I ALWAYS stick to one favourite phrase of mine: ‘Quality before Quantity’.

And we’ve had TOO much quantity thus far. And I’m about to ‘quantity’ their asses back to Singapore before I completely forget reasons why I should miss them.

Alright. That’s pretty much been my day. Beside the whole tourist-going-sight-seeing thing and all that.

Right. And also. We went to Madame Tussauds’ today. And I realize that I will never ever ever ever EVER ever be okay with going through haunted houses. Because it seems too real and I have too much of an imagination. And most importantly, I’m too much of a coward. Okay?

Lots of love! <3

It was dark, and I was over.

I love free wireless in hotel rooms. Well, I love technology in general cuz' it's only then that I can keep track of all my friends at home AND update them on my happenings.

Today, the folks and I made our way to London! We took the train from Manchester to the London Euston station.

Our London hotel is right next to King's Cross Station! I really did have half a mind to grab a trolley and ram it into the pillar between platforms 9 and 10.

We took the tube down to Liverpool street and walked through Petticoat Lane, a flea market. Saw many brilliant things, couldn't buy much cuz' of luggage space (THE BLOODY BANE OF THIS HOLIDAY, I SWEAR.) but I *did* get a new leather jacket! It's really bulky and thick though which inevitably means LESS shopping. :'(

Then we walked to Covent Garden from Holborn Station. It's this quaint little piazza area where they sell the odd thing here and there. The street theatre is REALLY great! I really do wish that my mac could read my camera and I could show you all the wonderful pictures that I've taken. There are magicians, sword-jugglers, stunt people doing really dangerous stuff..

After that, we walked around West End! It being Sunday though, all the theatres were closed. Which didn't bode well for me since I REALLY wanted to catch a musical. Or play. OR ANYTHING. I can't even decide what to watch first! Wicked? We will rock you? Les Mis? I went crazy just STARING at the posters longingly. (I swear, *little* drool came out.)

Finished our little tour of London's downtown with Piccadilly Circus and Ripley's Believe it or not! We didn't actually go for the museum tour. I wanted to, but tickets are a little pricey and I do rather go with my friends. So I told my parents that I'd just go on my own.

Honestly, today was a pretty good day! The only thing that kinda spoilt it (as it had for the past few days) was the constant bickering between dear ol' ma and pa.

I love them. I do. But they tend to say stupid, stupid things that make me go 'Fuck. It's gonna start.' And of course, it does.

It makes me pissed off that they can't shut it up for two weeks. And that they don't realise that they won't be seeing me for a year and I wouldn't want my last physical memory of them to be them fighting over the hotel room states, or food, or anything else.

I mean, SERIOUSLY.

Anyway, I'll still dearly miss them. Let's just pray that they'll realise how much more they need each other than they think they actually do.

We're going to Madame Tussauds' tomorrow! Hopefully, it'll be fun and I won't freak out too much in the horror section like I did when I was 6. (I may have even cried then..)

Till then, loves! Tah tah!

But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough

Gosh. It's so annoying how my parents and I are still under the spell known as 'Jet lag'.

We're already back at the apartment cuz' all of us are too tired to do anything else.

I get really hungry at 6/7am (about 1/2pm SG time) and 12/1pm (about 7/8pm SG time) and by 3/4pm, I'm already dying of tiredness.

So we all decided to just nua at home.

Completely in love with the shopping choices here though. I have my eye set on some choices at M&S, Dorothy Perkins and Next. Of course, because we're going to Rome and London, I can't exactly buy anything yet. Of course, it hasn't stopped me from buying a little bit here and there.. I blame my chronic shoppaholic disease.

Anyway, it's always nice to just chill at home.

Until next time! X)

Today this could be the greatest day of our lives

Yesterday marked the second day of my life in Europe.

And I'm glad to say, I'm starting to fall in love with the city of Manchester. I just love the tall, cobbled buildings that are scattered all around, the nice people we met in different places, the shopping, and food, and- You get the drift.

We visited my hall yesterday, and it was actually pretty awesome. It does take about 10-15 mins to reach the law building (which is next to the main building of the campus.) but the security is good, the amenities are great, and my dorm advisor is this really lovely lady called 'Ged'.

And my room is just next to the kitchen, so that's pretty awesome!

After that, the family and I went to Old Trafford to visit the home of Man Utd.

To see the huge-ass stadium that most only get to see on TV is so amazing. We didn't get to see any players (it wasn't match day) though, but it was still a wonderful experience.

Anyway, I unfortunately can't post any pictures right now. My camera can't connect to my mac, only to my HP which is packed-up, so I can only upload all my photos when I get settled in my dorm.

It's currently 750 in the morning on Saturday. I'll probably be doing more exploring and sight-seeing today.

See you folks later!

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken?

Okay. I'm extremely tired and jet-lagged, but I'll see what I can do..

I'll be honest. The flight completely tuckered me out. And when we reached Manchester, we found out that our apartment wasn't ready until at least 1pm. (And it was only 9am when we had arrived.)

So we had to WALK to the bank and then go to the University to get my registration done and pay the school fees.

Which, in my dead-tired state, was nothing short of ARE-YOU-FREAKING-KIDDING-ME?!?

And so, truth to be told, I started to get homesick not ONE hour after we had arrived. For a bit, I felt so lost in the kinda-big city and it just seemed like everyone KNEW we were tourists since we don't exactly look like we come from England. And I was grabbing my bag really tightly since my mother had given me quite a bit of money to deposit.

Yup, I started regretting my decision to study here. Even to the point where I started wondering what my parents would say if I told them NOW that I wanted to take a gap year.

Somehow though, the city grew on me a little. Met a couple of nice people here and there, and WOW.. I saw the Catholic Church. It's AMAZING. It looks so ancient and wonderfully built, with its cobble-stoned walls, towering roofs, and stained-glass windows.

Even though I AM still horribly tired, I still wanna say that I really am looking forward to studying here. And hopefully, when I'm not as jet-lagged and better-rested tomorrow, I'll start to love the city more.

Will update more soon! <3

So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways

I'm blogging because I haven't felt this way in a while and I really do hope the feeling lasts.

Okay lah. It's way too early to say anything lah. He could just be one of those overly-friendly sorts.

Well, at least I know I have options when I reach the UK.

And also, I hope to be rid of this... incessant problem..

It's not like I wanna be mean and bitchy.. (Or maybe it IS part of my nature..) It's just that.. I obviously don't want to go down that particular path. And I have NO intentions of even facing in that direction.

I hope my problem does realize it IS a problem and just leaves. Then everything will be fine! :)

Anyway, I'm still in my excited-to-leave phase. Let's see how long it takes for it to turn into the I-don't-wanna-leave-everyone phase.

I just died in your arms tonight

Alright, here's a quick update before I continue watching 'The Glee Project', a new reality show set on finding new characters for the hit TV show 'Glee'.

I got back from the Manchester Singaporean Freshers' camp yesterday. Needless to say, as camps normally are, it was quite a lot of fun. X)

Plus, my group won overall, so that's always an added bonus.

There're quite a number of Singaporeans doing law. That means I'll probably be hanging out with most of them.. Which is kinda why I'm sorta grateful my hall doesn't have any Singaporeans.

Anyway, I leave on Wednesday. That's fucking FOUR days, people!

I'm obviously not extremely prepared... probably gonna do more packing later...

Anyway, I'm pretty stoked about starting school now. I've met some awesome friends at camp, it should prove to be a really exciting year indeed. X)

Hopefully, I'll blog before I leave. If I don't, I'll see you guys on the other side!

It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside

I haven’t blogged in almost 2 months.

And in these 2 months, both nothing and everything has happened.

Well, honestly, more of ‘nothing’ has happened..

Let’s see... I’m leaving for England in less than 10 days. And I’m hoping that I’ll have enough diligence in me to continue this blog for the three years that I spend there.

Of course, one shouldn’t keep one’s hopes up.

Right now, it’s 1.30am in the pacific area. Okay, I kid. I highly doubt Singapore’s anywhere *near* the pacific area. Hey, for all *I* know, it could be the furthest damn thing FROM the pacific area. This will lay on the floor for the world to see, my geography skills.

It’s quite a surreal feeling, honestly. That I’ll be leaving this country for anything more than a month. I honestly wonder what’ll happen to me then.

Will I change? Will I study hard? Or become one of those party-types? Will my tongue get frozen to a pole? Will I literally freeze up walking down a street?

I guess I’ve been sheltered my whole life, this would prove to be quite an eye-opener for my being.

I’ll try to keep everyone updated. I really really *will* try. I’ll be as active as I can be on Facebook and Twitter and hopefully, on this blog as well.

Honestly, I’m gonna miss everyone so very very much. But I also can’t wait to start my new life. A brand new environment. Totally new everything.

Let’s just cross our fingers and hope to God I don’t get sucked into a whirl of my own confusion though.. Shall we?

And I’m suddenly standing at the beginning with you.

The girls’ camp was nothing like what I imagined. I almost cried at the end, when it was time to say goodbye.

At first, I dreaded the camp. The amount of work that I had to do? It couldn’t possibly be worth it.

But it was. And more.

I thought it would be 3 days of babysitting and molly-coddling 20 little girls, but they probably taught me as much as I taught them.

Anyway, I’m back in Singapore now. 6 more days, and I leave again for Hong Kong.

*

Sometimes, I wish I could shut my mind off like a faucet.

It gets particularly irritating because I’m very sure that I’m over-analysing again.

As I always do.

Which is AWESOME. –.–”

I should just shut my eyes and run through the fire.

Hopefully, I don’t get that burnt.

I want to break free

It’s almost towards the end of May.

In a little more than 3 months, I’m gonna be headed on a plane to England to begin a new chapter in my life.

I’m so scared. But I couldn’t be more excited as well.

There’re so many programmes I wanna join, I think I may overdo it. Like what I did for church, or J1 (although, most of J1 wasn’t by choice.)

Firstly, there’re the ‘compulsory’ societies I need to join, mainly the Singapore and Law ones.

Then, I want to learn French. So that’ll take another couple hours off my week.

After that, I would still love to join FuseFM, the Manchester Student Radio Programme because it’s ALWAYS been my dream to be a DJ.

And THEN, I just found out about this Manchester Leadership Programme. It’s basically this Leaders programme with coursework you need to complete and volunteering hours you need to put in. Which sounds terribly up my alley.

PLUS, THEY HAVE AIKIDO. WHICH SOUNDS FRIKKIN’ COOL.

I’m getting more excited by the day. I have still yet to get my visa, arrival packages or anything I may need.

I still need to buy a heck load of things before I leave, and I need to plan more outings with my friends before I leave for good!

GGARRGHHGHGHDEFUGJGIDIDJEKD

SO EXCITED. HAHAHAHA.

It seems like everybody’s got a price.

Okay. Today’s hot topic: The Singapore General Elections.

Why? Because, although I am not of the voting age, I feel like I still have a right to express my opinion about this year’s elections.

Plus, I’m a little bored.

SO ANYWAY…

As everyone knows, this year’s elections are crazily hot. As my dad so eloquently said just now, “We’ve never had to have a ‘cooling-off day’ before.”

Honestly, I could say a lot of things. About both the PAP and the opposition. However, I’ll skip the lengthy debates of which you can easily read elsewhere and come to the bottom line: The PAP should still be the reigning party.

Change is good. (Well, most of the time.) No one likes monotony. (‘Cept for a ‘blessed’ few..) But even the most radical person will tell you that too much change will only bring about anarchy.

Case in point: Hitler.

Another case in point: Stalin.

Okay. Fine. It’s not VERY fair to compare this situation with Communism or Fascism.

Let’s try something else, then. Let’s say you eat rice with fish and vegetables everyday for about… a month or two. Then one day, switch to eating only ice-cream. Your body will protest so much, you’ll see picket signs coming out your butt.

Okay. I need a point here. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, although the PAP has been getting a little complacent over the years, they’re still horribly stable as a block. Sure, it’s great to have a bit more opposition come in to ‘even out the playing field’, so to speak, but at the end of the day, I dread to think what will become of Singapore if the PAP gets completely uprooted at the end of this weekend.

A lot of new voters come from Generation X (those born in the 80s) and well, Generations X and Y have always been about ‘what’s new?’. Think about it. In only a decade, the number of new models of cell phones, computers, televisions, and games have been increasing on an exponential curve. The internet spreads news faster than you can finish this sentence, and the number of ways to express oneself has increased along with the number of types of new media.

People my age are obsessed with what’s ‘up-and-coming’ and everything more than a month old is considered passé. So, you bring in an upcoming election, throw in the ‘fuddy-duddy old men’ of the PAP, toss in some new ‘fresh ideas' and ‘fault-picking’ from the opposition, and well, you see the results on Facebook and Twitter.

And of course, it’s ALWAYS fun to vote for the ‘underdogs’.

What about me? Well, honestly, I don’t know if I’m pro-PAP or pro-opposition. I guess, as a pragmatist, I believe in voting for the party that can and will do stuff. And well, I’m not that eloquent in politics yet, so I won’t pretend that I know everything about what’s been happening.

So, there you go. That’s basically my take on the whole GE.

In other news, I drank two cans of red bull today because I wanted to get hyped up to go running. But then I got lazy. Someone say ‘ironic’.

They keep you laughing in the afternoon, so don’t touch that dial or leave the room.

I have nothing much to say, considering nothing exciting has happened much in the last few days.

I mastered parallel parking!

Andd… I’m gonna get paid money next week invigilating exams. (Read: I’m getting paid to do practically nothing.)

Andd… I’m watching a lot of Kenan and Kel now.

Right.

Peace.

We’re waking up, and right on time

The royal wedding was nice.

All the pretty dresses, the smiles, the beautiful women and smart-looking men.

I think it makes a lot of girls think about their happy ending though.

Whether they’d be lucky enough, like Ms. Middleton, to receive one.

Every girl wants to be a princess. It’s like, an innate thing built into our systems.

In other news, I started reminiscing about the times in primary school when my friends and I would write stories and share them with each other.

Those times were nice. :)

Wake you up in the middle of the night to say I will never walk away.

“So marks the end of three days filled with laughter, excitement, great company, and cute ang mohs everywhere"

I do love my best friends so. It’s always a great joy to be able to hang out with them all at once. And we managed to wrangle three days out of our busy schedules (well, one or two for some. but that was enough.) to spend time with each other.

The sun set in the most glorious fashion as Belle, Nat and I walked along the sandy beaches of Sentosa on Monday evening. We sat down to a dinner by the beach and even enjoyed watching some hunky surfing dudes conquer the waves at the wave house.

We had our nail polish party that night. Nat had her nails painted an eggish yellow with blue bottoms. Think of it like.. an upside-down french mani. I had mine painted in alternate blues (midnight and pastel) then polka-dotted my midnight blue nails with my french mani brush. Tia did M&Ms without the Ms. Joan already came with pastel yellow and puce diagonal halves. Anne did neon green nails. Even Belle did pastel green nails. But then, she got ‘itchy-finger’ and decided to ruin the yellow/pink toenails that Nat did for her. She painted and repainted over her big toe some many times, it looked horribly disgusting. We called it the ‘Gangrene toe’.

And then, we came up with the expression ‘BML’ (Belle My Life) to express our annoyance at Belle’s constant shenanigans. ‘Afraid to catch gangrene from Belle’s disgusting toe. BML.’

Universal Studios was fantastic. We sat on both BSG roller-coasters, ate a very large pizza for lunch, retook the carousel twice, took crazy pictures everywhere and ogled at the cute Caucasians everywhere! We got so tired by late afternoon, I almost slept on the Mummy coaster. I’m not kidding. My eyes almost closed.

One of the best parts about spending time with my girls is when we start talking about our futures. Like, who’s the godmother of whose children and what the result would be. And how we’d all be in 20 years.

It would be extremely awesome to take a look back at all the crazy stuff we did in 20 years. And that’s why I blog. :) 

Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world

I still can’t believe that I spent 40 minutes talking to a 30-year-old Australian guy last night over voice conferencing.

It was actually pretty cool… even though it was a little awkward at first because we’re basically strangers. HAHA.

Wow. I’m REALLY reaching out of my comfort zone.

But my name sounds fantastic said with an Australian accent.

And Australian accents are deathly hot. HAHA.

But no, nothing’s gonna happen. I’m done with all this relationship crap online.

Joan’s right. I need the reassuring caresses, the hand-holding and the hugs.

It’s the physical contact that speaks a thousand words more than an actual ‘thousand words’.

Now, I just need to tie up loose ends, and I’m gonna quit the game for good. I swear. Okay, it’s a strong maybe.

You’re triflin’, a good-for-nothing type of brother. Silly me, why haven’t I found another?

Forget about the price tag

Today was a pretty good Good Friday. I still remember the one I had last year. I even blogged about it. Today was pretty awesome compared to that day.

I went to visit my grandparents’ grave today. I should really do it often. A ball of emotion swept through me as I stared at my grandfather’s picture on his tombstone.

Anyway, I feel horrible now. I don’t even freaking know why. This is fucked up.

Here’s the situation, I’ve been to every nation

I realise how sheltered I am from the harsh realities of life.

After spending a week in Changkat Changi Secondary, I see so many different types of students. Those that want to learn but feel pulled back by their classmates, those that want to strive forward, but feel stunted by the education system. (Especially the 4T students who know they have little choice on their next route.)

Those that don’t feel like they even belong in this education system. This education system that seems to take care of only the smartest, fastest and strongest. It seems that everyone else who’s not as smart and quick would never be able to soar in this country.

I don’t understand how much pressure they need to put on these kids before they realise how stupid and redundant it all is.

Anyway, today, I saw three boys get suspended. And they didn’t seem upset. They were pretty happy to be able to chillax at home, actually. Which to me, is the moment you realise that the education system has failed for these children.

It’s a wonder that these kids, only aged 13-17 (some even 18/19), have opened my eyes to the world that you only get to see when you find yourself associating with these people.

Life is a mystery, Everyone must stand alone.

Should’ve known that you were trouble

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

But you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh

You are the only exception

It’s a lazy Saturday. After such a crazy week, I found respite in lazing around on my bed, Chick Lit in hand.

Being able to find solitude can be a horrible thing, though. It makes you think. Again and again and again and again… You get the point.

And I know that I’m supposed to feel, and not think. But I’ve always thought. Feelings being secondary in any problem. So how am I supposed to stop thinking? Definitely not easy.

Anyway, I like googling my name.

Yeah, okay… I’ll go finish my book..

I don’t think it’s fair for us to turn around and say goodbye

This was written three days ago. However, I decided to post *erm* more ‘important’ things.. So yeah. I just continued from halfway through the post. :)

Humans, in general, are a selfish lot.

The most self-absorbed bunch God ever had the pleasure to create.

And we happen to be made in his image. How apt.

If God was anything less than the omnipotent, omnibenevolent guy that he was, he would be cringing and cursing stuff right about now. (Well, actually, he would’ve started a while back..)

And don’t get me wrong here. I’m not trying to set myself apart from the rest of the human race and claim that I’m a complete saint. Oh no… I’m just as bad as the rest of them. Maybe even worse.

Ever wonder why we are all so selfish? Why it’s human nature to want the finest things to ourselves? Sometimes, it’s not even about materialistic gains. Sometimes, you see an old lady struggling for help. And you think, ‘Should I help her? But what if she doesn’t need help? Then I ask and she scold me then how. I lose face leh!’ Don’t know how many times I’ve encountered that situation. Where I spend minutes wondering to myself whether I should go over and help someone. By which, either A) the person has left/disappeared/done whatever was needed to be done, B) I don’t help and merely stare/look away like everyone else, or C) I go over and help.

Guess which option happens the least number of times.

Anyway, I am completely exhausted. Today has been activity after activity with little rest.

I’m gonna sleep it off and enjoy a lazy Saturday with nothing planned. I just love those days.

What a night, pulling up curb side in your car.

URGH.

Possibly one of the worst days in my life. I’m still recovering from the after-effects of being completely hammered yesterday. My parents are mad at me for missing work. What makes it worse is that my dad got me the job. So it makes him look very very bad. And my grandmother is mad at me too cuz’ I hurt my parents.

And THEN, I drunk text Alex. For some God awful reason.

And I tell him that I love him. Even though I don’t. Which isn’t a very smart thing to do. In fact, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the stupidest thing you can do when you’re drunk, what I did is so out-of-scale, it’s not even funny.

And now he’s mad at me too. Along with my whole household.

GAHHHHH. WHY THE FUCK DID THEY PUT LADIES’ NIGHT ON A WEDNESDAY!!

*cries*

Anyway, I haven’t even talked to Alex about his ‘declaration of love’, and I go along and declare my own ‘love’ for him.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Today is definitely one day I would like to erase from history.

I’m gonna add that to my list of wishes.

It’s gonna take a lot to take me away from you

Okay, you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m gonna say what I want here, and no one should give me shit about it.

You want the truth?

I think I like him. A lot. And the only reason why I said I fucking didn’t care anymore was because I was still mad.

And yes, it doesn’t make him any less of a dick. But the truth is, I light up when he messages me, I grin when I get his email. And I don’t sleep until at least 12 because I know he’ll be awake then. Yes. So call me crazy. And stupid. And fucking retarded.

But that’s the truth.

I keep trying to tell myself that this is an online thing. And that it won’t work. And that he could be lying through his throat and balls and no one would be none the wiser.

But at the end of the day, I’ve ALWAYS been a hopeless romantic at heart. I crave for the guy that whispers sweet nothings in your ear, telling you that he would do anything just to be with you, even if it means he getting sunburned in Sunny Singapore.

And yes, it could be full of shit. And yes, it could mean nothing to him to say it. But when your life isn’t going as smoothly as you want it to, you take what you can get and you pump up the small things into huge things and make a big fucking deal out of it.

But yes, I’m going to Manchester. And I’m gonna probably meet someone better.

And that’s the only reason why I didn’t say yes to him.

Even though, technically, I put the idea into his head.

But I don’t know anymore. I give up. I’m going to bed. And it’s only 11.

This is my one and only voice

Ah crap. I feel like…

I don’t even know anymore.

I THOUGHT I KNEW.

But I don’t.

I DON’T.

Oh fuck.

To Sir, With Love

I just finished reading ‘To Sir, With Love’ today. A brilliant classic that I never thought to pursue.

Thank you, second-hand book store. :)

Sigh. I really missed the feeling of finishing a brilliant book. (Okay. That’s not true, I just finished ‘Pride and Prejudice’ last week.)

The point is, I love reading so much.

And now, I shall start my indulgence in Chick Lit.

Those schoolgirl days, of telling tales and biting nails are gone.
But in my mind,
I know they will still live on and on.
But how do you thank someone, who has taken you from crayons to perfume?
It isn't easy, but I'll try.

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters,
That would soar a thousand feet high,
To Sir, with Love

The time has come,
For closing books and long last looks must end.
And as I leave,
I know that I am leaving my best friend.
A friend who taught me right from wrong,
And weak from strong,
That's a lot to learn.
What, what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start,
But I, would rather you let me give my heart,
To Sir, with Love

In other news, you may leave your comments on any post on my blog. :) But be nice. Or I will strangle you.

They said it changes when the sun goes down

I was showering when my grandmother turned off the bathroom lights. So I yelled out. And she turned it on again, asking if there was someone inside. (Of which, I replied in the affirmative.)

ONE minute later, she turned off the lights again. Cuz’ she thought that she had forgotten to turn them back on. SIGH.

Today, I visited heaven.

Okay, it was a second-hand book shop in Bras Basah Complex.

Still, knowing me and my extreme love of books, it could’ve been heaven and I wouldn’t have known the difference.

I got TEN books for 50 dollars! What a steal!

5 Chick lit ones (I admit, I did indulge a little..), my replacement Dan Brown books (DVC and A&D), To Sir With Love, and a thriller called ‘Paranoia’.

Tia, Anne and I then went to Macs for the free aircon and a chance to talk.

This weekend was honestly, one of the best times I’ve had in a while. Both days were filled with laughter, friends, and good times to remember.

I haven’t been this happy in a while. It honestly seems like God was smiling at me the whole weekend. Like, he decided to give me a break from the dark shadows of life to enjoy my good fortune with friends over the simplest things.

I have awesome friends. I can’t complain. Not at all.

That’s what we’ve been told, but the story’s getting old.

Today was fantastic.

However, it was also exhausting.

Extremely.

It was really awesome spending time with Mel. It’s always a blast talking to her and well, annoying her a little.

The only downside was underwater world and the dolphin lagoon being nothing like what I imagined.

I remember loving riding through the tunnel in underwater world as a kid. However, the fishes we saw today were, well, that’s it. They were just fishes. And I guess I just placed these attractions so high up on a pedestal, when I actually got to experience them now, it seems to pale in comparison.

Well, it was still fun dipping our feet in the water at Palawan beach and then running to the toilet because the hot sand felt like glass under my feet. (I say ‘my feet’ cuz’, well, I was the only one running and hopping.)

We met Ping at vivo and had soup amidst old memories and easy conversation. Ping’s recount of her tales at Jurong Polyclinic was especially fun to listen to:

Doctor: So, what' is JC like? [N.B. He wasn’t Singaporean, apparently.]

Ping: Well, we’re split into two streams, Arts and Science.

Doctor: (In a fast, soft tone) Diarrhoea how many days?

Ping: No, we don’t offer that as a subject.

After that, we headed to Nex@Serangoon and raced cars at the arcade.

And then, Ping and I headed to Teo Heng for Karaoke with the guys.

I really did miss them, so it was fun listening to their nonsense again.

It was just one of the days when you have so much fun, you fall into your bed at the end of the day happy and satisfied. And GD tired.

Hopefully, I get to have more days like these before I leave all my friends here in Singapore.

Laughs. Friends. Nostalgia.

The best combination.

I wrote 200 letters I will never send

Last night, I reminisced about Nickelodeon.

For more than a decade of my life, I grew up with the channel; its shows often providing many laughs and life lessons.

Everyday after school, it was almost ingrained into me the ritual to turn on the TV and grab the remote, pressing ‘32’.

When my mother cancelled the kids channels, it took me weeks to get rid of the ‘reflex’. Every time I turned to channel ‘32’ and saw the words ‘This channel is not available to you’, my heart broke a little and I would sigh inwardly.

Sure, this sounds over-dramatic to you, but as a child, I absolutely adored Nickelodeon. It never failed to bring me joy, especially when I was upset.

Now that I’m all grown-up, I guess I do miss these small things that used to cheer me up greatly and make everything okay.

Nowadays, it just seems to take a lot of ‘cheering up’ to actually cheer me up. I mean, I may appear outwardly happy, but inside’s just plenty of turmoil.

I guess that’s the price you pay for maturity and responsibility. Plenty of baggage to go along with it.

On a different note, I was horribly distracted during driving today. And my test is in 2 months. Horrible. Sigh.

And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind.

It’s amazing how much difference a few weeks make.

What I thought I felt has completely been dissolved into mere memories toppled off with bad feelings of ‘What-the-fuck-was-I-thinking?’

It’s funny, though. The difference between the actual event and the presumed one is greatly vast.

It’s really crazy the feelings that run through my nerves when I think back on what I used to feel, as opposed to the revulsion that courses through my veins now.

And he is so full of shit, it makes me wonder whether I was thinking with my ass a month ago.

It’s hilarious. I can’t help but laugh. A month ago, I would’ve been blogging about how sweet he was when he said this and blah, blah, blah…

Now, I read everything he says and I roll my eyes and/or think ‘Yeah, fucking right.’ in acid tones.

I don’t think he realises that the moment he did what he did, I lost all trust in him. I don’t even respond to his ‘nicknames’ anymore. I tried telling him last night, but I don’t think he got it.

I honestly don’t know how he gets the gall to pretend that everything’s really okay. Guys are so fucking clueless.

The best part about all this, though, is that I don’t really wanna stop talking to him. I think, mainly, because I don’t have much else to do. At least, for now.

We’ll see again, I guess.

For now, it’s still nice to have someone think I’m that awesome.

I am turning into such a bitch. =/

In another life, I would be your girl.

I just had an extremely satisfying shower. My hair is all conditioned and my skin smells like flowers. :D

And my granny’s here! She’s so cute and all. (And I always get the money from her that I TRY to reject because it’s like this thing that we do.) But now, my room’s gonna smell of her oils and old people. Which would be cool. Except for the fact that it’s not, really.

Yesterday, Belle, Tia and I went to ‘recee’ Zouk’s mambo night. We arrived at 9.20. Horribly early, considering we were one of the first few parties to arrive, and no one was dancing/drinking yet.

And no one mambo-ed. At least, not until past midnight, which was the duration of which Tia and I stayed until. Honestly, thumbs up should be given for the horribly cheap drinks. (I paid like, less than $20 for three drinks! more than half the amount I would have to fork over in Timbre or any other bar I’ve been to.) And the music they played over in Zouk’s main club. Classic upbeat songs that made Tia and I sway continuously in our seats. I was honestly itching to hit the dance floor. Except, the UV lights in the club took us all by surprise. And not in a good way. Plus, there were no cute ang moh boys. They were either already taken… or kinda that much older. How sad.

Oh well.

We’re still going next week. It’s still cheap. I do agree with Tia, though. I’m not really a fan of the drunk girls slurring swears in the toilet in the midst of throwing up. Nor am I a fan of wild boys swearing in hokkien, like, everywhere.

I think these are signs that I am not a fan of the party scene. I do love drinks though. And hanging with my babes. But.. that’s like, it.

In other news, I finally got a reply from Alex. Which has opened a can of worms. I kinda wish he didn’t bother. At all. Thank goodness for the fact that the can of worms he opened is small enough to be controlled.

On one hand, I really don’t care about online chatting anymore. It got old. And kinda boring. And well, I’m tired of the kind of people you meet there. They’re all the same. With the exception of their screen names. Which would probably BE the same if it was allowed.

“Imabigdick_3000”

But, well, I did have fun talking to him. And I really don’t see the harm in continuing to talk to him as a friend (and nothing more.) I mean, it’s not like I'd take the next plane to Michigan. (with the long flight and layovers, it really is a turn-off.)

Of course, my dear friend, Elaina, would probably kill me. And I wouldn’t get the puzzle.

I should get a puppy. I would name him ‘puppy’. And then, when he grows into a bigger dog, I might call him ‘bigger dog’. Cuz’, you know, he’s my dog. And I can.

Take a bite of my heart tonight

Honestly, I can’t decide on a lot of things right now.

I wish I could get someone to make all my major decisions for me.

It just seems like a lot of pressure on my part to make the decisions that fit me the best. Each choice having its own consequence and impact.

Recently, I downloaded my 150 game pack into my laptop. Which honestly, with the exception of Tradewinds, just lagged the whole computer.

I also downloaded Drake & Josh, having somehow developed a craving for it over the past few days. It does bring me happiness. HAPPINESS.

And now, I’m majorly regretting my decision to work in a neighbourhood school. Who am I kidding? I’m a sheltered convent girl who grew up in a middle-income family with a maid. I honestly know nothing about poverty, hardships or having to work and study at the same time.

So going into a neighbourhood might be too much of a stretch for me. I mean, how am I supposed to relate to these kids?

In other news, I gave what I thought was a pretty resounding speech to Shufen who fell asleep in the middle of it. =/

And that’s been my life for the past few days.

Tomorrow, I mambo the night away with my girls.

Maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll blog about it.

When busy streets amass with people

I haven’t blogged in a while.

Before I do, however, I would just like to say, for the record, that stick-on tattoos are a horrible idea.

Hmm… I’m going to leave Singapore for Manchester in a few months.

And I plan to use this as a way to dictate events that happen to me while I’m away.

So do expect more stuff on this blog in the near future.

Also, I think I just had one of the world’s shortest relationships.

And honestly? I thought I got away unscathed.

But I guess as with my infatuations, you only know when you meet another guy.

Oh well.

I think I only did what I did because I was very bored.

Anyway, I’m going try for relief teaching now.

Oh God. I am so boring.

It’s all about the wordplay

So, I had a crazy week.

To start it off, Alex asked me to be his girlfriend.

Which I said yes to because I didn’t see the harm.

And although we’ve talked about it, I think we’re now both confused on whether we’re a couple or not. HAHAHA.

Andd… I finally talked to my mum. So i’m most probably going to UK.

I already applied for accommodation at Manchester. :D

I NEED TO PACK FOR TAIWAN. DAMN YOU PROCRASTINATION.

Alone

I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!

I FEEL MY HEART BREAKING INTO TINY PIECES.

I FEEL MY DREAM BEING WASHED AWAY.

I FEEL MY WHOLE WORLD COMING TO AN END.

I FEEL LIKE IF I DIE NOW, EVERYTHING WOULD JUST GO AWAY.

EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER.

I WOULD BE FREE FROM ALL THIIS PAIN.

Hopelessly devoted to you

I love how he makes me feel when I’m super upset and need someone to talk to. He’s surprisingly always there at the right moments, time difference be damned.

But we still need to talk. And I don’t care how uncomfortable it gets for him.

I wondered what went wrong so that she had to roam the streets.

“Fuck southeast asian academics. Its too hard and demanding and you all are smarter than the rest of the world ever will be anyway.”

I think God put Alex in my life for a reason.

FUCKING GOING CRAZY.

You and I both loved.

So I think I'm gonna break up with him. Except, is it counted as a break up if we never were official?

Anyway, it's for the best. He's graduating soon and I don't wanna be the bitch that made him spend more time with me instead of his books. And we've only known each other for a week and a half so it's better that we break now.

So why do I feel so rotten inside?

What the hell is it about him that makes me feel like I've known him forever and I wanna be with him?? I'm crazy, right? It's not like I've even met the guy in person.

So why is it so damn hard to let go?

You tell me your blue skies fade to grey

I honestly cannot wait to start school. Firstly, all feelings of laziness would mostly leave. Secondly, I would get to meet new friends. And lastly, I wouldn’t feel like shit most of the time.

Take a chance and don’t ever look back.

I was happy with the results I got today.

No, not them A’level nonsense.

Anyway, I now have an ultrascan of my uterus. =/

Lord, PLEASE give me the strength to take it slow. VERY slowly.

It’s just some little thing.

So, the most craziest thing happened to me today. An Englishman licked my ice-cream. It was the CRAZIEST thing ever. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

Tia, Sharon and I were at the ATM and we (Tia and myself) mentioned that we felt like having long island iced teas. Tia then said she craved a ‘sex on the beach’ cocktail. I then proceeded to say (very loudly, as I usually am.) that I liked sex on the beach.

The next thing I knew, this guy (blonde hair/blue eyes) with his bicycle was behind us asking what flavour the ice-cream I had in my hand was. (I bought the cone from the Turkish ice-cream place.) I said ‘mango’ and told him that he could get his own at the Turkish ice-cream place. He then said he really liked mango and asked if I could give him a lick of my ice-cream. So… I did. Cuz’ what the HELL do you answer to that? And he LICKED IT. Completely seductively. It was so crazy!

And he asked me if I liked mango. I told him I was partial to the flavour. o.0

Tell me something, I was just hit on by a guy from England, right? Hahahaha!

Anyway, I have lived today, people. How many people (in Singapore) can say they let an Englishman lick their ice-cream?? :DD

These words are all I have so I’ll write them.

Today, I learned that there are more methods of showing your middle finger. It’s actually really rewarding teaching the kids, except when the boys think it’s funny to show ‘Jie Jie’ how their middle finger looks solo.

And apparently, they’re getting really naughty too. One eleven-year-old told me his discipline master caught his classmate and told him to cut his hair. The boy then proceeded to retort back, ‘You jealous, ah’ because apparently, the poor DM was balding in the front.

Anyway, they’re still a joy to teach. :)

Here, I get mopey and all boring.

I guess I’m just really afraid of what an LDR entails. Tia said it’s something adventurous. In simple English, it’s probably crazy. Firstly, without him physically present here, I kinda get annoyed and even though he’s really sweet with his words, it’s not the same. Saying ‘hug’ and actually giving one is a thousand times worth of difference.

Secondly, the trust you place in the person is extremely huge. Because we’re thousands of miles apart, separated by many oceans, I can only assume whatever he tells me is the truth. And I can’t do anything but believe him. Same for him. It’s not like we can take a cab down if we think the other is being unfaithful. Or a liar.

Basically, those are the ‘only’ two issues. Of course, those are probably the two largest issues one can have in a relationship. Besides the issue of money, of course.

Yet, I really really like him. And I don’t think I wanna stop talking to him. But is all this really worth it? Maybe I should just wait a few months before getting a boyfriend.

Why is it I always have the stupidest problems with the guys I like. WHY DAMN IT. =/

What are you waiting for?

I think it’s getting a bit hard because I’m asleep when he’s awake and he’s asleep when I’m awake and we only get to talk to each other for a few hours a day.

Anyway, it was fun to go drinking with Tia yesterday. Watching the live band entertain the crowd was so relaxing, coupled with a long island iced tea and easy conversation with my wifey.

It was nice finally being able to stay out past midnight again. I haven’t done that in a while. Should really do it more often.

I think with her problems and my own, it was great having that someone to talk to. And even though we knew what laid ahead for us was nothing easy, we knew that we would support each other to the very end.

Haha! And Tia, if on the slim chance you read this, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my near-concussion two years ago. And about my family. :P You know I think you’re the most awesomest wife ever!

Let’s pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen

I had the most horrible dream last night. Which was (I guess) appropriate since I couldn’t stop freaking about it last night.

I dreamt that I got my results back. Firstly, the result slips came on those old exercise book papers. And it was handwritten.

I got A’s for math and chem. But then I got a ‘V’ for GP. I don’t even know what a ‘V’ is! But in the dream, apparently I knew it was a horrible grade. (Well duh… if A is the highest, a V can’t possibly be good..)

Anyway, I was so upset with that grade because I knew I definitely didn’t deserve a V. Apparently, this guy from Cambridge then helped me ‘call in’ and found out that I spelt a lot of things wrong. Like DENA instead of DNA and paln instead of plan. =/

And then I found out I got a ‘T’ for one of the other subjects. That would mean I cheated on the exam. Which totally didn’t happen and completely took me by surprise!

I remember being completely shocked and upset and just crying about my horrible results.

Anyway, I really just hope it doesn’t happen next week. o.0

I was smiling so much yesterday when Alex told me he wanted to support me through college. I mean, it came as quite a shock. And it’s really not an option to migrate over to the US. But the gesture was still so sweet.

I think this may go well. :)

And they told me I don’t need to worry

I think I’m starting to freak out about universities and results and scores and finances. And I just read this HORRID review on Manchester by this law school kid. Although, in all fairness, he seems pretty mad about everything in the world. So, you know. It’s probably just him.

Still, It’s horribly scary to know that I only have ONE week before the horrors that pained and overwhelmed me last year come RUSHING back to me on one slip of paper.

Oh dear God, I have such a horrible horrible feeling. Suddenly, I think I didn’t do well on anything and everything I wrote in Econs was crap. And Physics was definitely a killer and I’d probably get a C or D. OH DEAR GOD. A ‘C’.

And I think I completely screwed the GP essay, so THAT’S down the drain. And OMG CHEMISTRY. I probably flunked that too. I only have math to my name now. I think I should just pursue math. That’s it. I love math so much, right? So, that’s always a good choice.

I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore! Words just pour out of my mouth in rapid fashion, killing EVERYTHING in its path!

I think I need to calm down and not die.

Hopefully things don’t go as badly next week. :(

Scattered all around the floor.

So, I think I made my decision?

Then again, maybe it’s the whole idea of love nonsense thing again.

OH DEAR GOD I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

The world’s so wild, but you built your own paradise.

Wow. I am like Aunt Abby this week. Solving people’s problems and cheering them up.

It’s ironic cuz’ I’ve always pictured myself as a very emotionally inept person. I mean, I’m great with knowing when to show emotion and when not to, but dealing with people’s feelings has never been my strong suit. In fact, it was proven in my emergenetics profile I did when i was 16. I am 3% social. I think of people’s feelings the very last when it comes to dealing with problems.

Anyway, I’m glad I have driving tomorrow. I really need the practice. I think I forgot a lot of things already. =/

And…… I have to be very very careful.

Yup. That’s it!

I could really use a wish right now

So. I mentioned about the whole monkey zodiac thing.

And a few days ago, I posted about the idea of love.

And WOW does God work fast.

Well, too fast, too soon. No break.

Two guys from two different countries.

And I think I know my choice. But then again, what do I know?

So now, I’m just all woozy.

And kinda excited about the beginning of a relationship? Although it IS long distance.. urgh.

Take on me

Elaina read the zodiac monkey thing at parkway and told me this year was gonna be a good year. But that we would break a lot of hearts.

Very interesting… Indeed.

The dust has only just begun to fall,

Dear You,

When you cried over the phone, I really wished I was there to hug you. I felt so helpless when you were wailing and all I could do was verbally comfort you from what seemed like the other side of the world.

I was never very good with comforting words, so I really hope you felt a lot better when we hung up.

I know it hurts sometimes. And sometimes, it feels like nobody in the world loves you anymore. And you feel like there’s no one on your side anymore. But you have to understand, you are so loved. No matter what you think, or how others treat you, you have to know how lucky you are.

I know it may not seem like a blessing now, but give it some time. You’ll realise that you are so lucky to have a family like yours. No matter how cruel they seem to be. You’ll also understand how much they love you some day. It’s only when you truly love someone and feel completely comfortable with that person that your worst is brought out. Because you know they’ll still love you at the end of the day no matter how crazy everyone acts.

Whenever you feel upset, try writing a letter telling the people how much hurt you feel. And how much you want to scream and punch things. Then, when you feel better, either make a plane and fly it into the sky (so Jesus can receive your cry for help) or crush it and tear it and let all your anger out.

OR, try screaming really hard into your pillow. It helps. Seriously, it does. More than you think, actually.

Whatever you do, just remember that at the end of the day, you should be the better person (wonder who told me that when I was having problems with a certain guy…) and say sorry first.

I know it’s hard, but someone’s gotta do it, right?

But take it slow. Don’t need to start getting angry again, yeah?

Anyway, know that I love you and that I’ll be here whenever you wanna just talk or when you wanna get something off your chest. :DD

From your extremely good friend who loves you loads,

Stephy.

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone

I think I’m in love with the idea of being in love. And who can blame me? The propaganda that the TV and movies feed you sure doesn’t help.

Sometimes it’s hard to resist temptation, you know? The first guy that’s remotely nice to you and you immediately think he’s probably THE ONE.

I sure sound like a sap right about now.

But that’s the truth of the matter.

I guess when it comes to love, it’s a risk-it-all or die trying sort of business.

I guess it’s especially hard when you realise that none of the guys around you fit your description of the perfect guy. Or at the very least, a good guy that likes you for who you are.

And when you resort to trying to go online in search of guys, they all either turn out crappy or… crappily horny.

Maybe it’s the whole ‘Valentine’s Day’ spirit still lodged down there somewhere. I don’t know.

All I know is, some people are really lucky they found someone special, and yet, they don’t treat it as well as they should.

Horrible, horrible feeling.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.

Yeah. I should stop playing pool. For my own sanity.

Seriously.

Don’t tell me not to fly, I’ve simply got to.

So, I think I’m pretty racist.

Yeah. That’s not very good right.

Okay. So let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

So, I’m unemployed. And I bum around at home when I’m not tutoring or terrorising the streets of Singapore.

I play pool when I’m bored. It’s actually pretty fun, relaxing, plus I get to chat with people I don’t know, and sometimes I get to make stuff up about myself so that’s always great.

And well, a lot of Indians like to play pool too, apparently.

Which is great and all, but they like to talk to me. Which can get annoying.

And I mean, I just clam up when they tell me they’re Indian. So, you know, I’m officially racist.

But you know what? Everyone’s a little bit racist. Some people can’t stand Jews, some can’t stand the Irish.

So I’m not exactly ‘hot’ for Indians. Well, it’s a preference.

Doesn’t make me a bad person.

Does it?

HAHA. Oh, the things you blog about when you’re bored.

Oh right. And a 55-year-old man wanted to KISS ME!!!! YUCKSSS

On the day that you were born, the angels got together.

I’m getting better at driving. I can turn and move on my own without much help. Only a bit of help here and there when I start freaking out and forget to hit the clutch.

And I can park (albeit, only on the curbs.)

I really can’t wait to drive on my own. It’s so cool! =D

Currently, I’m being all nostalgic. I downloaded the Carpenters. Such classics.

I figured that while I do enjoy mainstream music, I really do prefer the classics. Plus, there’re so many new songs nowadays, it’s so hard to keep up. And, oldies rock. You gotta admit it.

So, I’m going to get my hair done for fun. Cuz’ I am that bored. And since I haven’t really been spending money on myself (besides the cash used for driving and you-know-what) I decided that I needed this little treat.

Tomorrow, I wanna go shopping and buy stuff.

I do enjoy being unemployed. It has its perks. =))

Yesterday once more

When I was young
I'd listen to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs

When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile
Those were such happy times

And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're startin' to sing
So fine

When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more

Go now, don’t look back.

I would just like to say, for the record, I move on fast.

Which means I was only in love with the idea.

So, that’s awesome, right?

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

In another life, I would make you stay.

So I guess it’s for the best.


Was fun while it lasted anyway.

And I shall move on from this confusing period and get on with my life!

Yesterday, Tia and I watched Black Swan. I first heard about it from LP who freaked out after she watched the trailer and realised it wasn’t a romance movie. So, here I’m thinking, ‘Oh dear God, why did I agree to this!?!’

So anyway, Tia and I bought the mandatory movie snacks (read: popcorn and soda) and settled down in our seats.

The movie was…… I don’t even know how to describe it. I mean, on one hand, really, bravo, Natalie Portman. Bravo. On the other… WHAT THE EFFING HELL WAS THAT??!!!

Tia and I settled on a movie description, finally. Dark, scary, psycho, and raunchy.

When it wasn’t dark and scary, it was raunchy and SUPER uncomfortable. (Well, it WAS M18 for a reason..)

There were no happy scenes, or mildly pleasing scenes, (and when I say ‘pleasing’, I don’t mean SEXUALLY!!!) and the whole thing was just weird and crazy.

I think the only reason why it got such great reviews was because critics were like, ‘OMG, IT’S SO DARK AND RAUNCHY, ITS GOOD!!!!’

But no. It was just dark. and raunchy.

Okay, so it’s not my kind of movie.. Whose kind of movie IS that, btw?! I would like to know so I can take a mental note of the kind of friends I hang out with.

Okay. MY movie review is done.

It was great hanging out with Tia. Telling all our little secrets and catching up, as always. It’s really fun lah.

And I had my first private tuition yesterday! I am an awesome teacher.

So, I am learning to drive and I hope to pass really soon. Cuz’ you know, it’s awesome and all.

Here we go, unemployment! Feels great, btw.

A teenage love in a parking lot

It wasn’t really my fault, right?

He started it.

So why do I feel like I’m the one who did wrong?

Just cuz’ I said those hurtful words?

But he started it.

=/

I sound like a 7-year-old.

This is so insane, right?

This is so crazy. And stupid. And effed-up.

Oh right. And I apparently attract a lot of Indians. Not that I’m being racist…. but I’m not even a bloody lawyer yet!!!

And I attract men who do a lot of hands-on work.

So that’s great too.

Everyone else is a dick.

And I’m going crazy. I really am going crazy. And no one can help me.

Does this mean I like him? Seriously? I barely know the guy! Maybe I just like the idea of him. Maybe I should just stop moping about.

So why do I feel like going to Switzerland to apologise?

Someone, please, restrain me!

Or stab me. Whichever is easiest.

And in another life, I would be your girl.

Well, ain’t that some shit?

 

Why is it every time I like someone, I end up feeling like I want to punch their faces in until it can no longer be recognised?

Why is it I always end up liking guys that make me feel soo frustrated, I want to yell at the top of my lungs until my voice turns hoarse and I can no longer make use of my vocal cords?

Why is it I REALLY know how to fucking pick ‘em?

So, here I thought, problem solved.

Of course, things are never simple. It’s an unspoken agreement made on my behalf. ‘Things cannot ever be that fucking simple.’

So yup. Story of my life. I’ll probably look back on this in a few months and laugh.

Maybe a few years.

The Sun will come out tomorrow

So I was sitting at the bar, and this guy comes up to me and says ‘My life stinks.’

Okay. This is great. Well, Joan was right about one thing. The guys I like will not be getting any younger.

So, here I am. With this great guy whose smart, funny, sweet and SWISS. And we like each other. And so what’s the problem?

Well, firstly.. I have never seen his face. And he has never seen mine. So that’s like one of those stupid masquerade masks things where you take off the wretched thing at midnight and OMG!

I should never have done it. I should never have been honest with him. I should’ve done what I did to that weird Indian guy whose conversation I still keep cuz’ it reminds me that men can be horribly desperate. (Which I SHOULD post here soon, cuz’ it’s REALLY good material.)

Well, it’s his fault too cuz’ he is unbearably charming and a GREAT father.

Oh wait. Father? What??!

Yeah. To top it all off, he is a single father, whose great love for his son just makes me want to fall deeper into the stupid rabbit hole.

And we just made a pact not to speak to each other until we can clear our heads and clarify…. something. (I don’t even know why we’re doing it. Seriously.)

OH! And here’s the best part! (Lean closer, people!)

We’ve only known each other for a week! And we’ve already done most of the things couples do. Like fight. And have really opinionated discussions and arguments. And talk about our lives and dreams and shit like that.

Yeah, we’ve fought. Small one as it was, it still symbolised something right? I mean, if this guy was not serious, then why would he yell at me? (Yeah, he started it.)

I think my lack of things to do have made me completely bonkers. What I need to do now is to just clear my head or something.

Or maybe just jump into the pool cuz’ I sure could use a soak right now.

Cuz' I'm living out the script of my life

My nineteenth birthday went well. As you grow older, I don't think you expect much out of birthdays. I'm just glad I got to spend it with people I loved. My family and my best friends.

Right now, I'm nursing a horrible cold and a sore throat. It sucks mainly cuz' I have my BTT tml and I'm dying here.

Okay! Updates!

I got conditional offers to study at Manchester and Southampton. However, I don't really know whether to accept those offers. For now, I'm just waiting for my results. And trying to find a job. Maybe.

I did have an admin job, but I quit after a week. It was just way too dull for my preference.

I honestly feel so horrid, I can barely form words enough to make for an interesting post.

So, just for kicks, I shall describe my nineteenth birthday in as much detail as I can muster.

On my nineteenth,

I woke up at 830 because my throat started hurting.

I went for mass at HFC and then went for lunch at NYNY with my parents, 2nd bro and sister-in-law.

I bought two pairs of shoes from BATA and went home.

Got changed and went to meet the gang at AMK mrt.

Took the bus to the night safari and ate at KFC.

Watched the 'Creatures of the Night' show.

Walked around the trails.

Was too scared to enter the bat cave cuz' I'm not really a fan of flying critters.

Took the tram ride (which is actually pretty cool)


The gang bought me Friends season 10! It's super hilarious and I absolutely love it.

I really wasn't expecting to get it.

And I still feel sick and super sorry for myself. :(

Oh well. good luck to me for my BTT tml!

I'll really try to blog more often, but I get really really lazy. And cuz' my blog and gmail occupy two different google accounts, it gets annoying to sign in and out.

Anyway, Happy CNY to all!

Looks that books take ages to tell.

So, my mum's friend got me a job in her company doing admin. It's relatively easy for good pay, and I have little to no complaints about it.

Except that it's admin work, and that's always fun for the first two weeks or so.

Let's see how long I'll last.

And kids love me.

I'm known as Jie Jie Glee cuz' I wore my glee shirt to work once.

It's really awesome teaching those kids.

But I hate Chinese.

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do.

Today was my first day at work.

It was relatively alright. Questions popped up here and there.

The worst was English. It's so hard to teach a language so innately built in yourself.

I tried to explain it using visuals, but I think they learnt like, 10%. Seriously. How you explain 'the faulty wiring set off an explosion'?

Here's to more money coming in soon! Cheerio!

If you told me to cry for you...

Rocky Horror was worth the hundred dollars. Just the experience alone is fantastic. Although no one threw much stuff in the end and there was less audience participation (AP) than I expected, it was truly an experience everyone should have. Now, I just want to save up cash and go to USA to experience the authentic thing!

Hanging out with Shufen was (as always) a lot of fun. She was so afraid that she looked like a slut! Silly thing.

I really do treasure my friendship with her. It's awesome to know that she'll always be there for me although she can get a little schizo sometimes. And I love how close we are.

Hopefully, work doesn't suck tml, eh?

I still believe in your eyes

I officially despise employment.

Even before I started.

So much for Financial Independence.

Well, this sucks.

I saw the sign.

I start work next monday! And although it's a night job and I'm still free during the day, I still get income! Which is like, WHOO!

Watched 'The Ghosts must be Crazy' with Jeff, Steve-o, Belle, Nat and Fudge.

The movie was alright, the usual Jack Neo nonsense... Hilarity galore without much substance.

It was great hanging out with people I didn't really know a few months ago. Who knew Family Guy could bond Steven and I? (And our elusive tutor, Ryan..)

The ride home was pretty hilarious. Jeff, Steven and I were afraid of awkward pauses (cuz' the three of us didn't really have a lot of common topics. We didn't even take the same subjects!) so we made a deal not to stop talking. It was really stupid. I would point to some random advert on the train ('Oh, look! Police!') and someone would just continue (Jeff: 'Oh yeah. You notice they're around a lot now.') And when the conversation would die down, someone else would come up with something random.

Mum's still not talking to me, by the way. Just to let whoever bothers to keep track know.

Well, staying at home has been fun and all, but I'm glad I got out today. It's been awesome. And you know what? I wish I was omnipotent. Then I could do whatever I wanted to. And whether or not there were consequences... well, screw them all. Life's a bitch.

I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough.

Well, this is the first time in a while that I didn't blog during the holidays.

Normally, my blog is filled to the brim with happenings during the Nov/Dec hols.

This year, I guess I was a little too preoccupied with the whole 'A'levels are over' nonsense.

Right now, I feel like taking a break from the whole world.

I feel like sitting on my bed and not have to interact with anyone.

Now that the most dreaded exams in my life are over, you'd think I can catch a fucking break.

Well, the truth is, with parents like these, no one bloody can.

You know, it's only when you turn 18, have finished all educational obligations for the year, and are officially legal in some parts of the world do you realise how fucking overprotective your parents are.

I mean, I play a bit of mahjong and suddenly, I'm a gambler. I drink a bit, and suddenly, I'm an alcoholic. OMG, C'MON!!!

My mum's CURRENTLY mad at me (like she's been for the past month or so for various reasons.) because I played mahjong with my brother and his friends.

I really can't take it anymore. I keep apologising and apologising... but it's like I will always be at fault as long as we're having an argument.

The only reason I thought they were open-minded and all that nonsense was only because I just never did anything that warranted any fucking open-minded-ness.

I really really don't like comparing myself to my brothers (or anyone else for that matter) but this is just stupid!

They keep giving me stupid standards to follow that NO ONE ELSE in my family has to adher to. Why? Am I really that precious? Do they really think I'm THAT stupid? Or gullible? Or just not trust-worthy.

Anyway, I'm sick and tired of being treated like I'm still 15. I know I still have a lot to learn from life, and I may not be very mature yet, but if I make a mistake, at least it was mine to make.

Not something I couldn't do because 'mummy didn't let me'.

I don't care anymore. I just don't.

I should just become a gambler, an alcoholic, a drug-abuser and all that stuff the government said was bad for you just to rub it in their faces.

Then, I won't be their little girl anymore. And the world would be good.