BACK not for good.

I know, I know.. i haven't posted in a VERY long time. Like, extremely. Thing is, I was too lazy.. plus.. it's quite annoying sometimes to write things on a computer.. OKAY, i was just lazy.


Anyway, the best thing happening so far was Confirmation camp.. of which i shall post my email to the YC later. Right now, it's rant time.

Honestly, my stomach is aching, and it's not because of the prata i had for lunch. Someone (let's call her K) told me something today that I just ran through in the shower and thoroughly processed. Result: Conufsion spreading through my entire body like wildfire.

Truth to be told, I wanted to talk to someone about this.. but my options were clearly limited, and option number 1, joan, was not yet back home. Other options seemed too.. I don't know how to describe it.. not enough? not understanding enough? I really didn't know who to talk to.. so i decided to put it on my blog. Okay.. NOT the best decision in my life, but i've made worse.

Anyway, since it's going international, i'm thinking I have to be VERY vague, which in my case is NOT the best solution because my insides are figuratively rotting and DYING from upset.

So here's the BIG question: What if things change? What if somethings happen and everyone just moves away from each other? I thought this was the best time of my life, but clearly, it's not going very well, as planned. I mean, I JUST figured out the WHOLE scheme of things recently after MUCH thought and planning, and then THIS happens?? What the HELL am i? A DRAMA case??

I really hate this. Truly and honestly. Thing is, I don't blame her. But she just messed up something in my life. She practically took my guts, pulled them out and starting grinding them into little pieces. She didn't mean it, trust me. But I can't help what I feel.

What can I do now? I really didn't know how to react at first. What was I supposed to do.. What COULD i say that would seem to console the both of us? I didn't do much. And even though I forgot the most part somewhat during the day, it came squiggling its stupid way back into my head. And TADAH!

Right now? I feel so confused. Utterly and desperately with some dumb cherry on the top. My mind is a muddle, I feel EXTREMELY lousy, and I want to cry.

But I can't, because I have tuition in an hour and I don't want my NEW teacher thinking I'm an idiot for puffy eyes and a blocked nose.

I can't concentrate on anymore, I can't take it for now. I REALLY need someone to talk to.

My heart is full of mixed emotions, I feel so sick I could throw up.

Why is this affecting me so much?

How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on my O'levels with this stupid thing twirling its way through my system?

WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME??!! I will always hate you for that.