An Inadequate Excuse

I never wanted to go let of him. We had spent the entire day together, and now, I just couldn't believe it was going to end. It had to be a dream, I thought to myself. There was no way something like this could happen to me. I was not fitted, simply, not worth it.

But apparently, I was. And for those few hours, even if it was for a few hours, I felt special to him. Special. I have always thought of myself as special, but for all the wrong reasons. I was special because I wasn't like other girls. I couldn't talk about clothes, mainly because I could barely fit into any. I couldn't talk about boys because it would probably be like insulting them. But that was it, wasn't it? Maybe it was my 'unique-ness' that attracted him.

And again, my thoughts spiraled into a never-ending string of stupid. I thought of his swept up mop of hair, his soulful eyes, the way he grinned at me lopsided like we had something secret no one else knew. And then I thought of the number of girls he had openly shown affection to. I seemed to be the only one. But that was what I had seen, and I wasn't with him all the time; Whether I wanted to be or not. Maybe it's just a game, I try convincing myself. But my heart seems to rather think that every boy who talks to me has some sort of crush on me. It is really ludicrous, but what is a girl to do?

This time, I knew for certain. It wasn't just a crush. And yet, I couldn't say I had fallen for him. I just wasn't that kind of person. A person who takes every single emotion as it is. I grab those emotions, tear them into pieces, and analyse each piece. A little obsessed? Yes. But that's the way I keep my emotions in check, and now, it seemed that they were losing control on their own and were slowly swirling around my heart sucking it into a vortex...

(An excerpt from a currently in-progress book, An Inadequate Excuse)