I want to break free

It’s almost towards the end of May.

In a little more than 3 months, I’m gonna be headed on a plane to England to begin a new chapter in my life.

I’m so scared. But I couldn’t be more excited as well.

There’re so many programmes I wanna join, I think I may overdo it. Like what I did for church, or J1 (although, most of J1 wasn’t by choice.)

Firstly, there’re the ‘compulsory’ societies I need to join, mainly the Singapore and Law ones.

Then, I want to learn French. So that’ll take another couple hours off my week.

After that, I would still love to join FuseFM, the Manchester Student Radio Programme because it’s ALWAYS been my dream to be a DJ.

And THEN, I just found out about this Manchester Leadership Programme. It’s basically this Leaders programme with coursework you need to complete and volunteering hours you need to put in. Which sounds terribly up my alley.

PLUS, THEY HAVE AIKIDO. WHICH SOUNDS FRIKKIN’ COOL.

I’m getting more excited by the day. I have still yet to get my visa, arrival packages or anything I may need.

I still need to buy a heck load of things before I leave, and I need to plan more outings with my friends before I leave for good!

GGARRGHHGHGHDEFUGJGIDIDJEKD

SO EXCITED. HAHAHAHA.

It seems like everybody’s got a price.

Okay. Today’s hot topic: The Singapore General Elections.

Why? Because, although I am not of the voting age, I feel like I still have a right to express my opinion about this year’s elections.

Plus, I’m a little bored.

SO ANYWAY…

As everyone knows, this year’s elections are crazily hot. As my dad so eloquently said just now, “We’ve never had to have a ‘cooling-off day’ before.”

Honestly, I could say a lot of things. About both the PAP and the opposition. However, I’ll skip the lengthy debates of which you can easily read elsewhere and come to the bottom line: The PAP should still be the reigning party.

Change is good. (Well, most of the time.) No one likes monotony. (‘Cept for a ‘blessed’ few..) But even the most radical person will tell you that too much change will only bring about anarchy.

Case in point: Hitler.

Another case in point: Stalin.

Okay. Fine. It’s not VERY fair to compare this situation with Communism or Fascism.

Let’s try something else, then. Let’s say you eat rice with fish and vegetables everyday for about… a month or two. Then one day, switch to eating only ice-cream. Your body will protest so much, you’ll see picket signs coming out your butt.

Okay. I need a point here. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, although the PAP has been getting a little complacent over the years, they’re still horribly stable as a block. Sure, it’s great to have a bit more opposition come in to ‘even out the playing field’, so to speak, but at the end of the day, I dread to think what will become of Singapore if the PAP gets completely uprooted at the end of this weekend.

A lot of new voters come from Generation X (those born in the 80s) and well, Generations X and Y have always been about ‘what’s new?’. Think about it. In only a decade, the number of new models of cell phones, computers, televisions, and games have been increasing on an exponential curve. The internet spreads news faster than you can finish this sentence, and the number of ways to express oneself has increased along with the number of types of new media.

People my age are obsessed with what’s ‘up-and-coming’ and everything more than a month old is considered passé. So, you bring in an upcoming election, throw in the ‘fuddy-duddy old men’ of the PAP, toss in some new ‘fresh ideas' and ‘fault-picking’ from the opposition, and well, you see the results on Facebook and Twitter.

And of course, it’s ALWAYS fun to vote for the ‘underdogs’.

What about me? Well, honestly, I don’t know if I’m pro-PAP or pro-opposition. I guess, as a pragmatist, I believe in voting for the party that can and will do stuff. And well, I’m not that eloquent in politics yet, so I won’t pretend that I know everything about what’s been happening.

So, there you go. That’s basically my take on the whole GE.

In other news, I drank two cans of red bull today because I wanted to get hyped up to go running. But then I got lazy. Someone say ‘ironic’.

They keep you laughing in the afternoon, so don’t touch that dial or leave the room.

I have nothing much to say, considering nothing exciting has happened much in the last few days.

I mastered parallel parking!

Andd… I’m gonna get paid money next week invigilating exams. (Read: I’m getting paid to do practically nothing.)

Andd… I’m watching a lot of Kenan and Kel now.

Right.

Peace.

We’re waking up, and right on time

The royal wedding was nice.

All the pretty dresses, the smiles, the beautiful women and smart-looking men.

I think it makes a lot of girls think about their happy ending though.

Whether they’d be lucky enough, like Ms. Middleton, to receive one.

Every girl wants to be a princess. It’s like, an innate thing built into our systems.

In other news, I started reminiscing about the times in primary school when my friends and I would write stories and share them with each other.

Those times were nice. :)

Wake you up in the middle of the night to say I will never walk away.

“So marks the end of three days filled with laughter, excitement, great company, and cute ang mohs everywhere"

I do love my best friends so. It’s always a great joy to be able to hang out with them all at once. And we managed to wrangle three days out of our busy schedules (well, one or two for some. but that was enough.) to spend time with each other.

The sun set in the most glorious fashion as Belle, Nat and I walked along the sandy beaches of Sentosa on Monday evening. We sat down to a dinner by the beach and even enjoyed watching some hunky surfing dudes conquer the waves at the wave house.

We had our nail polish party that night. Nat had her nails painted an eggish yellow with blue bottoms. Think of it like.. an upside-down french mani. I had mine painted in alternate blues (midnight and pastel) then polka-dotted my midnight blue nails with my french mani brush. Tia did M&Ms without the Ms. Joan already came with pastel yellow and puce diagonal halves. Anne did neon green nails. Even Belle did pastel green nails. But then, she got ‘itchy-finger’ and decided to ruin the yellow/pink toenails that Nat did for her. She painted and repainted over her big toe some many times, it looked horribly disgusting. We called it the ‘Gangrene toe’.

And then, we came up with the expression ‘BML’ (Belle My Life) to express our annoyance at Belle’s constant shenanigans. ‘Afraid to catch gangrene from Belle’s disgusting toe. BML.’

Universal Studios was fantastic. We sat on both BSG roller-coasters, ate a very large pizza for lunch, retook the carousel twice, took crazy pictures everywhere and ogled at the cute Caucasians everywhere! We got so tired by late afternoon, I almost slept on the Mummy coaster. I’m not kidding. My eyes almost closed.

One of the best parts about spending time with my girls is when we start talking about our futures. Like, who’s the godmother of whose children and what the result would be. And how we’d all be in 20 years.

It would be extremely awesome to take a look back at all the crazy stuff we did in 20 years. And that’s why I blog. :) 

Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world

I still can’t believe that I spent 40 minutes talking to a 30-year-old Australian guy last night over voice conferencing.

It was actually pretty cool… even though it was a little awkward at first because we’re basically strangers. HAHA.

Wow. I’m REALLY reaching out of my comfort zone.

But my name sounds fantastic said with an Australian accent.

And Australian accents are deathly hot. HAHA.

But no, nothing’s gonna happen. I’m done with all this relationship crap online.

Joan’s right. I need the reassuring caresses, the hand-holding and the hugs.

It’s the physical contact that speaks a thousand words more than an actual ‘thousand words’.

Now, I just need to tie up loose ends, and I’m gonna quit the game for good. I swear. Okay, it’s a strong maybe.

You’re triflin’, a good-for-nothing type of brother. Silly me, why haven’t I found another?

Forget about the price tag

Today was a pretty good Good Friday. I still remember the one I had last year. I even blogged about it. Today was pretty awesome compared to that day.

I went to visit my grandparents’ grave today. I should really do it often. A ball of emotion swept through me as I stared at my grandfather’s picture on his tombstone.

Anyway, I feel horrible now. I don’t even freaking know why. This is fucked up.

Here’s the situation, I’ve been to every nation

I realise how sheltered I am from the harsh realities of life.

After spending a week in Changkat Changi Secondary, I see so many different types of students. Those that want to learn but feel pulled back by their classmates, those that want to strive forward, but feel stunted by the education system. (Especially the 4T students who know they have little choice on their next route.)

Those that don’t feel like they even belong in this education system. This education system that seems to take care of only the smartest, fastest and strongest. It seems that everyone else who’s not as smart and quick would never be able to soar in this country.

I don’t understand how much pressure they need to put on these kids before they realise how stupid and redundant it all is.

Anyway, today, I saw three boys get suspended. And they didn’t seem upset. They were pretty happy to be able to chillax at home, actually. Which to me, is the moment you realise that the education system has failed for these children.

It’s a wonder that these kids, only aged 13-17 (some even 18/19), have opened my eyes to the world that you only get to see when you find yourself associating with these people.

Life is a mystery, Everyone must stand alone.

Should’ve known that you were trouble

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

But you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh

You are the only exception

It’s a lazy Saturday. After such a crazy week, I found respite in lazing around on my bed, Chick Lit in hand.

Being able to find solitude can be a horrible thing, though. It makes you think. Again and again and again and again… You get the point.

And I know that I’m supposed to feel, and not think. But I’ve always thought. Feelings being secondary in any problem. So how am I supposed to stop thinking? Definitely not easy.

Anyway, I like googling my name.

Yeah, okay… I’ll go finish my book..

I don’t think it’s fair for us to turn around and say goodbye

This was written three days ago. However, I decided to post *erm* more ‘important’ things.. So yeah. I just continued from halfway through the post. :)

Humans, in general, are a selfish lot.

The most self-absorbed bunch God ever had the pleasure to create.

And we happen to be made in his image. How apt.

If God was anything less than the omnipotent, omnibenevolent guy that he was, he would be cringing and cursing stuff right about now. (Well, actually, he would’ve started a while back..)

And don’t get me wrong here. I’m not trying to set myself apart from the rest of the human race and claim that I’m a complete saint. Oh no… I’m just as bad as the rest of them. Maybe even worse.

Ever wonder why we are all so selfish? Why it’s human nature to want the finest things to ourselves? Sometimes, it’s not even about materialistic gains. Sometimes, you see an old lady struggling for help. And you think, ‘Should I help her? But what if she doesn’t need help? Then I ask and she scold me then how. I lose face leh!’ Don’t know how many times I’ve encountered that situation. Where I spend minutes wondering to myself whether I should go over and help someone. By which, either A) the person has left/disappeared/done whatever was needed to be done, B) I don’t help and merely stare/look away like everyone else, or C) I go over and help.

Guess which option happens the least number of times.

Anyway, I am completely exhausted. Today has been activity after activity with little rest.

I’m gonna sleep it off and enjoy a lazy Saturday with nothing planned. I just love those days.

What a night, pulling up curb side in your car.

URGH.

Possibly one of the worst days in my life. I’m still recovering from the after-effects of being completely hammered yesterday. My parents are mad at me for missing work. What makes it worse is that my dad got me the job. So it makes him look very very bad. And my grandmother is mad at me too cuz’ I hurt my parents.

And THEN, I drunk text Alex. For some God awful reason.

And I tell him that I love him. Even though I don’t. Which isn’t a very smart thing to do. In fact, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the stupidest thing you can do when you’re drunk, what I did is so out-of-scale, it’s not even funny.

And now he’s mad at me too. Along with my whole household.

GAHHHHH. WHY THE FUCK DID THEY PUT LADIES’ NIGHT ON A WEDNESDAY!!

*cries*

Anyway, I haven’t even talked to Alex about his ‘declaration of love’, and I go along and declare my own ‘love’ for him.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Today is definitely one day I would like to erase from history.

I’m gonna add that to my list of wishes.

It’s gonna take a lot to take me away from you

Okay, you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m gonna say what I want here, and no one should give me shit about it.

You want the truth?

I think I like him. A lot. And the only reason why I said I fucking didn’t care anymore was because I was still mad.

And yes, it doesn’t make him any less of a dick. But the truth is, I light up when he messages me, I grin when I get his email. And I don’t sleep until at least 12 because I know he’ll be awake then. Yes. So call me crazy. And stupid. And fucking retarded.

But that’s the truth.

I keep trying to tell myself that this is an online thing. And that it won’t work. And that he could be lying through his throat and balls and no one would be none the wiser.

But at the end of the day, I’ve ALWAYS been a hopeless romantic at heart. I crave for the guy that whispers sweet nothings in your ear, telling you that he would do anything just to be with you, even if it means he getting sunburned in Sunny Singapore.

And yes, it could be full of shit. And yes, it could mean nothing to him to say it. But when your life isn’t going as smoothly as you want it to, you take what you can get and you pump up the small things into huge things and make a big fucking deal out of it.

But yes, I’m going to Manchester. And I’m gonna probably meet someone better.

And that’s the only reason why I didn’t say yes to him.

Even though, technically, I put the idea into his head.

But I don’t know anymore. I give up. I’m going to bed. And it’s only 11.