Looks that books take ages to tell.

So, my mum's friend got me a job in her company doing admin. It's relatively easy for good pay, and I have little to no complaints about it.

Except that it's admin work, and that's always fun for the first two weeks or so.

Let's see how long I'll last.

And kids love me.

I'm known as Jie Jie Glee cuz' I wore my glee shirt to work once.

It's really awesome teaching those kids.

But I hate Chinese.

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do.

Today was my first day at work.

It was relatively alright. Questions popped up here and there.

The worst was English. It's so hard to teach a language so innately built in yourself.

I tried to explain it using visuals, but I think they learnt like, 10%. Seriously. How you explain 'the faulty wiring set off an explosion'?

Here's to more money coming in soon! Cheerio!

If you told me to cry for you...

Rocky Horror was worth the hundred dollars. Just the experience alone is fantastic. Although no one threw much stuff in the end and there was less audience participation (AP) than I expected, it was truly an experience everyone should have. Now, I just want to save up cash and go to USA to experience the authentic thing!

Hanging out with Shufen was (as always) a lot of fun. She was so afraid that she looked like a slut! Silly thing.

I really do treasure my friendship with her. It's awesome to know that she'll always be there for me although she can get a little schizo sometimes. And I love how close we are.

Hopefully, work doesn't suck tml, eh?

I still believe in your eyes

I officially despise employment.

Even before I started.

So much for Financial Independence.

Well, this sucks.

I saw the sign.

I start work next monday! And although it's a night job and I'm still free during the day, I still get income! Which is like, WHOO!

Watched 'The Ghosts must be Crazy' with Jeff, Steve-o, Belle, Nat and Fudge.

The movie was alright, the usual Jack Neo nonsense... Hilarity galore without much substance.

It was great hanging out with people I didn't really know a few months ago. Who knew Family Guy could bond Steven and I? (And our elusive tutor, Ryan..)

The ride home was pretty hilarious. Jeff, Steven and I were afraid of awkward pauses (cuz' the three of us didn't really have a lot of common topics. We didn't even take the same subjects!) so we made a deal not to stop talking. It was really stupid. I would point to some random advert on the train ('Oh, look! Police!') and someone would just continue (Jeff: 'Oh yeah. You notice they're around a lot now.') And when the conversation would die down, someone else would come up with something random.

Mum's still not talking to me, by the way. Just to let whoever bothers to keep track know.

Well, staying at home has been fun and all, but I'm glad I got out today. It's been awesome. And you know what? I wish I was omnipotent. Then I could do whatever I wanted to. And whether or not there were consequences... well, screw them all. Life's a bitch.

I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough.

Well, this is the first time in a while that I didn't blog during the holidays.

Normally, my blog is filled to the brim with happenings during the Nov/Dec hols.

This year, I guess I was a little too preoccupied with the whole 'A'levels are over' nonsense.

Right now, I feel like taking a break from the whole world.

I feel like sitting on my bed and not have to interact with anyone.

Now that the most dreaded exams in my life are over, you'd think I can catch a fucking break.

Well, the truth is, with parents like these, no one bloody can.

You know, it's only when you turn 18, have finished all educational obligations for the year, and are officially legal in some parts of the world do you realise how fucking overprotective your parents are.

I mean, I play a bit of mahjong and suddenly, I'm a gambler. I drink a bit, and suddenly, I'm an alcoholic. OMG, C'MON!!!

My mum's CURRENTLY mad at me (like she's been for the past month or so for various reasons.) because I played mahjong with my brother and his friends.

I really can't take it anymore. I keep apologising and apologising... but it's like I will always be at fault as long as we're having an argument.

The only reason I thought they were open-minded and all that nonsense was only because I just never did anything that warranted any fucking open-minded-ness.

I really really don't like comparing myself to my brothers (or anyone else for that matter) but this is just stupid!

They keep giving me stupid standards to follow that NO ONE ELSE in my family has to adher to. Why? Am I really that precious? Do they really think I'm THAT stupid? Or gullible? Or just not trust-worthy.

Anyway, I'm sick and tired of being treated like I'm still 15. I know I still have a lot to learn from life, and I may not be very mature yet, but if I make a mistake, at least it was mine to make.

Not something I couldn't do because 'mummy didn't let me'.

I don't care anymore. I just don't.

I should just become a gambler, an alcoholic, a drug-abuser and all that stuff the government said was bad for you just to rub it in their faces.

Then, I won't be their little girl anymore. And the world would be good.

So dance like it's the last night of your life.

It seems so surreal that the past two years of burying my nose in books have been reduced to three weeks of unbelievable, completely-exaggerated torture.

Then again, time seems to pass so fast, I'm sitting on a park bench in the middle of the pathway they call life wondering what ever happened to the second-hand on the clock.

And of course, when the torture ends, the credit card comes out and I'm swiping it at so many different outlets, I can't keep track.

Then I shrug and smile sheepishly as my bill comes in a sharp, flat white envelope.

In other news,

I plan to redesign my blog skin.

Watch as I bulldoze my way through the Christmas holidays!

It takes two.

I lost my baby today. The best present I have ever gotten. Such a useful tool. It was my own to use, personalise. I lost it to a guy who would never appreciate it like I did.

I can't believe it's gone. It's all my fault. Why did I do it??

Brick by brick, we can build it from the floor.

I am so exhausted so I'll probably call it a night.

Before that, however, I wanted to write a little something that I want to remember as the years go by.

I was a bit desolate of late and went to consult Joan. Today, I went to look at my grades and realised that I did pretty alright I guess. DEFINITELY needs improvement, but I don't feel demoralised anymore.

Over SMS, I told my dear BFF that my grades spelt 'BE SAD'.

She told me it was probably a message from God.

I was confused as to why God wanted me to continue living in desolation.

Her reply was that God wanted me to look at my grades, feel the regret for a bit, then move on to score really well for my A's. He wanted to write 'GOOD JOB', but that was not possible. He had to be creative.
 :)

I love Joan. :)))

She used to be a pearl.

I don't know why I'm crying. The tears just keep running down my sullen cheeks.

I think it's because, after 18 years, you'd expect my parents to stop acting like no one else exists.

My dad. He can be such a monster. No one talks to him because they'll either cry or blow a fuse.

I don't know what his problem is. Sometimes I feel like I have to stand up for him because everyone's completely pissed at him and I don't like that cuz' he's still my dad. And he does all these things like pick out the boneless parts of the fish for me and pick me up from various places. And I also try to remember that he's always there for me and that he loves me so much.

So why do I feel like he's changed. Like he's so mean to everyone now. He constantly blows his top off. He made my brother yell. No one has ever made my brother yell. My brother does not yell.

Why do I feel like sometimes, I don't have a daddy I can talk to. And he hurts my mum.

And she cries. And he continues not to see that it doesn't matter whether he's right or not. It's how everyone feels. And they feel like shit. And they keep fighting. And my mum said she wants to leave him. If she could, she would.

I think the only thing keeping them together is the catholic faith. And it's not even like a 'the faith keeps us together' thing. It's a 'I'm catholic. They said no divorces. Damn.' thing.

So what is the point of staying together if you hurt so much? I'm not questioning God here... but I wish he could help. I'm just so tired of constantly putting up a front. Brother said to talk to him. But I'm scared. He doesn't see me as a grown-up daughter, I'm still a kid. In his eyes. I'll never be anything more.

I keep praying to God for things. I don't even deserve them. I'm probably one of the worst catholics in the world now. And I still keep asking him for stuff. It's like I think he's santa claus.

I can't face anyone anymore. I'm trying... but I keep giving in to the bad things. And I'm still hurting for all the pain. And my family isn't as strong as it used to be. And I'm so scared everything will just crumble. And I will have no more of anything.

I'm so scared. You don't know how scared I am. I want to talk to someone... but I don't think I deserve that pleasure.

We can go if you want to, we can leave your friends behind.

So I decided to give a short piece today. In case I don't get to. Ever.

School was pretty fun. I mean, sure, I spent, like, ONE good productive hour in it, but it really wasn't that bad.

I took the attendance today, which made me feel quite important. :DDD (Oh Gosh, how the small things please me..)

ELEVEN of us came today. Which was like, WOAH. But it was actually SO much more fun having a small class.

We took over a TA class and made them scram (HAHA) and then played music while finishing our cards for the teachers.

Got displaced. Because apparently.... lessons are still going on... (IT'S STAFF DAY PEOPLE!!) But it didn't matter much. We went round giving out our cards.

First was Miss Wong. We crashed her session with her class and presented our card. And when she came out of the class, my mouth opened and I went, "Happy Birthd-" And of course, everyone in her class heard. Because the amplitude of my voice is unfortunately comparable with those of jet planes. And after Miss Wong went back into the room, echos of the 'Happy birthday' song could be heard.

After that, my class sang Happy Birthday to all the teachers. (Ms Kwan, Mr Low and Ms Li.) And they called it the Law of Steph. Which states that One must sing Happy Birthday for a teacher on Teachers' Day. The assumptions are: 1. It must not be a teacher's actual birthday. 2. The teacher is present to hear it.

I had fun annoying ZY, as usual. Taking apart his wallet to his dismay.

The concert was.... Well, as far as school concerts go, I probably had better. But the point was, cute boy. :DD 'Nuff said.

Anyway, I really really like my class. I think I don't mention it enough. From my initial apprehensions, I now really have a class that I feel so belonged in. And that I love. I haven't had that since Primary 6 Frangipani.

A special shoutout to Huang Huiling who is turning 18 on the 7th of September. I know you love us. We love you too. Enjoy the scrapbook! :) (All the hard work was worth it when she teared in joy. :D)

And hugs to my girls (Janice, Ping, Vonne and Wen) and the annoying boys who have apparently made me the centre of bullying since Vonne wasn't there. (ZY, Henry, Oliver, Che Xuan.)

I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound.

Joan and I were discussing about our futures. It's fun to talk about what may happen in 10 years or so. Maybe the little patter of feet will grace our ears.

Anyway, it's the national day holiday tomorrow, so I decided to stay up a little late and do up this little 'Godparent' chart for memories' sake.

Isn't this awesome?