I'm leaving on a jet plane

It's a day away to China!

Tomorrow, at this time, I'll be butt-shipping to China. Via plane lah.

However, from then till now, I have a play to get to, stuff to do at Parkway, The bus time... And since I packed all my jeans into my bag, I have nothing to wear...

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WEAR A GODDAMN SKIRT.

Maybe just some pants or something. If I can dig through my closet.

It's times like this, one is thankful for jeans.

Only a few more hours..

Oh the anticipation..

And the Bridge! (:

Run to me whenever you're lonely

Beijing in 3 days! On the list before then? A play... And band.

Have to wear my white specs because technically, they're my 'main' pair... And I had to pair the spare (my brown thin frames) into my hand carry.

Finished packing all my necessenties (and some UNnecessenties) into the trolley bag.

Building Anticipation for the trip... I STILL hate planes and will forever hate them. Just can't shake off the air-sick feeling.. Especially during take-off and landing.. But usually, the rest of the trip is tolerable.

If anyone wants anything, I'll be getting gifts for people!

And I shall try to sleep on the plane.. If the temptation of bridge doesn't get to me first..

I'm SO excited for the trip, but the project just keeps knocking and knocking... sheesh..

And I'm outta here. (:

How's that for summarised?

Nobody gets too much heaven no more

Couldn't go online yesterday.. the connection failed me again and again. Settled for starting my Sims craze again... well, not really start.. it's hard to call it a craze when you play it according to mood swings. Is it? I really can't tell you..

Went for Ping's BBQ on Saturday which was utterly HORRID. I'm kidding. It was FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN. There... 5 funs for a horrid. Haha. Oh gosh, I have no idea what I am going on about..

Met Mel and Zing at Serangoon MRT. At this point, I wanna apologise to Mel because I really think telling EVERYONE about stuff that you say isn't very nice. I do it because it is really very cute! Nothing against you darling.. haha..

Hui Rou, Ting, Laura, Yan Yao and Janice were there as well.. Cramping in the playground was great, splashing in the pool (Haha, Mel..) and the video-taking which would not interest you-tubers at all.. heh. Kept eating and eating. Firstly, I thought I wouldn't eat so much, which I normally don't.. But we ended up eating when we laughed too much and felt all the food digest like a speeding bullet. And eating. And eating. The Fishball craze.... followed by Chicken.. and lastly, Sausages.

I don't have any pictures, although, if you ask nicely, Janice might give you some.

Then caught 135 with Yan Yao and Mel. Poor Mel dropped her wallet! I was practically freaked out, but Mel seemed extremely calm. If it was to stop herself from freaking out too, or because this wasn't the first time, I don't know. Anyway, decided to take 24 back home anyway. (loaned her 55c) Stopped 2 stops away from the MRT because silly me thought taking a cab from there would be more worth it.. again, the forces were against me. Because it was a REALLY ulu place, and my black outfit blended so well with the surroundings. So I just took any bus back to the MRT and walked home. I feel so stupid sometimes doing these kind of things... But I did save at least 2 to 3 dollars.. So that's something.

Today was my first day at Stan Chart working as the packing crew. For $20, we stuffed things in a bag, ate, shopped, ate, slacked in the hall, ate, played number games, ate, swept the floor and ate. For 20 dollars. Not alot of money.. But I think it was worth it. Bought my Chocolate cream Frap from Starbucks and my present for Mother. I think it's lovely. Still have a bit of the day's money left after buying soft dough cookies. Gonna use it for tomorrow. Sharlyn, Elena, Delicia and Yong Xian were there. Thank goodness for them, or I would've been SO majorly alone. I want the T-shirt!

Going to Beijing in 6 days... REALLY, REALLY dread the project.... It's SUCH a mood-killer... Rrrr..

And, I beseech you, the BIG GUY up there, stop giving me recurring dreams that are BETTER off classified as NIGHTMARES.

I make believe you care

So I play, I'll wait
'Cause you know that love takes time
We came so far
Just the beat of a lonely heart
And it's mine
I don't want to be alone - Alone, the Bee Gees

Today was full of exercising! And it was so funn!! IF you cut out a bit here, a bit there.. Cycled and walked SOO much, my blisters had blisters. ECP is damn fun, I wish we could do it again. ((:

I think I had a dream about him again. I forgot what it was all about though. Even fact, I didn't remember when I woke up. Just the same nagging feeling I get when he pops up. And then I vaguely recalled seeing him somewhere... problem was, haven't seen him in a while. So i figured must've been a dream.

Anyway, truth is, I kinda forgotten all about him till today. That never lasts though. Enjoy it while it lasts, I always say.

I want a bike for christmas. If I still believed in Santa Claus, I would make him a list (with it, 20 bucks just so he'd see things my way.. hey. I think even St.Nick had flaws about him.) with BIKE written on top. In fact, my list would look a little like this:

(people like doing this on their blog for some apparent reason... like, if the people who read it would give it to them[said people who fall between ages of 10-20], or if their parents 'somehow managed' to have a look. Either way, I'm thinking, why the hell not? If other people find it helpful and to their advantage, I can try as well! Might as well get something out of it. )

1) A bike. (I have established my reasons.)

2) A Lenovo N100 with Intel Core Duo processor, at least a tetrabyte of memory, 2.5GHz processing speed, Surround sound system (from THX, no less.) and most importantly, sleek silver plastic covering that makes it durable and shock resistant. The RAM must be big too, of course, at least 2 gigs worth. (I KNOW my electronics.)

3) Modem speeds so fast, I blink slower than my laptop reacts.

4) An Ipod Video or a Creative Zen. (How commonplace. ): )

5) A good holiday job. (That interests me.)

6) The ability to lose the pounds. (Well, the strong, sheer willpower, rather.)

7) Basically to fufil my dream of owning an electronics store. With cameras, MP3s, PDAs, Laptops and LCD Plasmas for me to nick off.

8) And books. Short stories, romance (with substance), adventure, thrillers. You name it, I'll read it. Well, most of it. Some I might throw at you for sheer fun.

There! A cleverly, devised list. For the world to enjoy. Well, that really WAS exciting! Now I know why people did it.

I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean

It's official. I hate her. She and her stupid bitching ways. I can't say much, word gets 'round pretty fast these days. Anyway, some people may know whom I'm speaking of. Or not. Either way, she really got on my nerves. Just got on, sat on them and remained there till the end of time. It's just like her really, only I couldn't stand it anymore. Normally, it's tolerable, I don't condone her actions, which would be sadistic, but this time, just felt like stabbing her and smiling. It's not that I would get berated, people might stand and clap if that happened. Like a movie where at the end, the male and female leads finally get together. Happy ending, wouldn't it be?

Anyway, looks like the musical of my life is slowly reaching a point where the commonly heard lyrics will be 'Oh, what a shame.' and 'Dear, dear, how could this happen?'. Especially with the recent announcement about O.F.M. and oh, have I forgotten the ever-so-popular lyrics 'Girl, your life is ohhh-verrr!' Clap twice and pronounce me doomed. It's teenage time in the house of the Girl. Bullshit.

I don't feel like going tomorrow either. It kinda sucks that I have to pretend to be happy for some people when I don't like them very much. Of course, the feeling is mutual there, but we're too polite to point it out. Well, I am, anyway. Other parties make no fun in guessing what they feel about me since they wear those particular emotions on their sleeve. Might as well laser the words 'Fuck off' on my forehead. Maybe people'll actually heed some advice.

On the bright side, some people I miss and want to spend the day with are gonna be there, but I just have the feeling that with those other people, I might not have that much fun. But since you asked nicely, I'll put on a fake smile and breeze my way through the day, sieving all those unwanted comments. For you guys.

Reality aside, I'd finished 2 books since Chasing Charlie Duskin. The Man from Perfect (the usual romance book, with humour and a good plot, and without actual descriptions of things I don't wanna read. If you know what I mean.) And the latest book, 'Lucy Blue, Where are you?' No, not a children's poem book. A nice read actually, relaxing and not so mind-blowing. About a girl and a 13 hour drive with a stranger she knew nothing about. Well, something like that. I'm still deciding on the next book, should I continue on 'Teen Ink', a book I read in between mind-boggling pages of 'Where the truth lies'? It's 'Chicken Soup for the Teenage soul'. Exactly like it actually, but apparently with a difference I've yet to find. It's just one of those books you read abit, then put down because one can only deal with so much 'inspiration' without hurling. Well, technically, the stories in it may not be inspirational... There's your difference! Or another teen issue book i picked up? Or just some other book I thought I would find interesting but have no mood to read in the near future... The possibilites are endless...

And as I comtemplate all my recent happenings, I just can't wait for Beijing and Church Camp. The silver linings in my huge dark cotton-looking bundle of precipitation.

And this is how the story ends for today.

She want that lovey dovey (lovey dovey)
that kiss kiss (kiss kiss)
In her mind she fantasize bout gettin wit me
They hatin on me (hatin on me)
they wanna diss diss (kiss kiss)
because she mine, and so fine
thick as can be - Kiss Kiss, Chris Brown feat. T-pain

I've got this icebox where my heart used to be

I just heard this quote off a piece of mail. It takes one minute to be impressed, one hour to be friends, one year to love, and a lifetime to forget. Operation F.M. down the goddamn drain. My life could be over emotionally as I know it. What now, huh? Denial? Like the past 3 years? Sure, that works.. for how long? Being a teenager sucks shit. Want a repeat of that?

Anyway, I woke up to a bad start this morning. My brother was in the toilet, which meant I had to use my mum's bathroom. (not a particular favourite of mine.) While changing, I stubbed my toe against the bed. And after I'd finished, it started to rain. Dragged my laptop into my bag and made my way to the bus stop with a seemingly too-small umbrella. (or maybe the umbrella's not the problem, huh?) The bus was going to take long, according to the schedule, so I decided to walk. Against my instinct. That's when the downpour hit me like Mike Tyson doing rounds. I was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY drenched and I was so concerned for my laptop. It had seen better days, this not being one of them. Met a catechism friend at the mrt(managed to do that while looking like I'd just came out of a fight with a moody lobster.) whose name I'd forgotten (I'm SOO SORRY.) And so I gave him a big smile (to the best of my abilities at the point of time.) while he acknowledged me with a sort-of 'act cool' nod. I'm not being mean, but it looked that way, and if it wasn't meant to be like that, again, I apologised. Anyway, I think his name was Kenneth. Like my brother's. That's a bad name to have. In my opinion. Again, I'm so sorry I forgot his name! I really feel quite bad about it. (thinking of how that would make ME feel.)

Thought the whole workshop would be a bore. It kinda was. (No offence to Joshua who tried to make it more interesting.) But Clarissa, Rachel and gang were a joy to have around. The food show was GREAT. I really wanna go to Hongkong! And I just noticed how all hongkeys (hehe.) sound the same! I SWEAR. The Lady Chef sounded like Auntie Elsa (ex-neighbour) and Lydia Sum! I hope my travelogue with Clarissa turns out great. We have this wonderful idea that I think rocks. haha.

And poor rachel got busted with 'lao' hero! Her face was extremely red! I love those guys, think I'll have TREMEDOUS fun in Beijing.

Apparently, the school is hooking up with wireless (something I didn't think would happen till I asked Mr. Collin for fun this afternoon.) So, it SHOULD be free. Unless otherwise.

You didn't hear it from me. (:

Finished another book today. Chasing Charlie Duskin. One of the usual teen reads, except this one made me water many, many times. It's like I always cry when I'm reading, but when it comes to movies, the waterworks have shut down. And here I thought I was more of a visual person.

Tomorrow is SNORE SNORE SNORE day. I don't actually snore. (My cousin doesn't believe me. 'Every plus-sized person snores!' Well, whaddyya want me to do? Learn?)

(This was added 15 mins later.)

FUCK MY BROTHER. STUPID, INSOLENT, IMMATURE PIECE-OF-SHIT THAT HAS EVER BEEN MY DISPLEASURE TO BE BORN BY THE SAME WOMAN. DIPSHIT.

It's like dreams coming true. In a dream.

I haven't been online in a while. When I mean a while, it means my laptop hasn't been touched by me since Friday night. Yeah sure, one day of avoiding the computer, big whoop!(as dear elaina might say.) But somehow, it feels like so long ago.

Maybe reading 'where the truth lies' just prolonged the seconds... the book was sometimes interesting to the point where i couldn't bear to put it down without groaning out my displeasure, and yet, sometimes a little monotonous that i sped read through that particular point. The plot itself already promised scandals galore to readers, and i sure wasn't disappointed. But it wasn't as if every corner and word in the book focused on these scandals alone. There were a few fleeting moments, scattered and far-in-between, that were really down-to-earth, and even touching per say. Holmes really is a good writer.

Saturday's band was not bad and quite 'fun' as quoted by Lian Ping. Well, the only reason why it was fun for her was because of the lack of scoldings she had gotten. Well, I'm happy for her. Whether it should be an occasion for my happiness on her account is entirely a different topic. Lunch was spent waiting tiredly as we 'tah pao-ed' food from the coffee shop and eating merrily at the void deck. 'Lunch is my favourite part of band,' said Ping happily, still munching on her noodles. When I'd commented that it wasn't technically band, she replied that along as the band was involved, it was counted.

At night, I went for mass at OLPS which was followed by quick dining at the nearest food outlet located at Bedok. In a detailed account, we ate chicken rice at the hawker centre. I almost died because I happened to leave my book unread at a particularly 'juicy' moment and was 'forced' to bear an hour of walking around bedok doing 'shopping'. In the end, I paid for the taxi ride home because I didn't want to waste any time I had to read my book by 'walking'.

I absolutely can't wait for the trip, whether or not the project we have to do (which cost more than $2000 apparently) has put a damper on my spirit.

And I really can't wait for 'havoc' to begin! (:

I had a picture of you in my mind.

Well, I haven't blogged in 3 days, because I felt I've been blogging too much. Yeah sure, no such thing as blogging TOO much, but what the hell, that's me eh?

Actually, well, honestly more than actually, rather, I've felt that I don't even know the purpose of my blog anymore. Sure, to vent is priority numero uno, but everyone does that, don't they? Kinda makes my blog feel like a clover in a never-ending field. One-in-a-million as the saying goes. A head in the crowd.

Whatever it is, I'm glad people still visit it, and I thank them.

Wednesday was extremely neutral. I say it's neutral because it was both horrible and exciting at the same time. Well, not AT the same time, rather, the same day. The exciting part was the fun briefing we had at the AVT about the beijing trip, Dhwani is my roomie, and Rachel promised 'Havoc' right at the moment which Mr. So (our 'tour guide' so to speak) clearly announced there was to be no nonsense from us.

The horrible part was band. Well, normally, it's fine. But it was just extremely horrible there and then. Ping says it will get better, especially since it wasn't a good day to begin with, so i won't go all out to say that I hate it. Just horrible is all. Not a good day, simply.

Going home was the worst part. I had the bags from CNA, my own bag, and the damn umbrella to lug home. From 2 metres away, I managed to called out to Dione n Jessie to get a cab. That's the nth time I've taken a cab. God forbid I shall feel fit enough to one day announce that, no matter what, I shall take the damn bus and shimmy my way home.

Thursday was the day I finally played contract bridge with Joan. She is SLOW. Haha, no offence on my part, she really was. I swear, we played with almost a dozen people, because they kept leaving. Bridge is fun, contract or not, although the former needs some getting-used-to.
It was also the day I went shopping with 2nd Brother and Mum. We went electronic-shopping, my FAVOURITE kind of shopping to do. And my brother, in what seemed to be an attempt to look cool, looked at a potential desktop and nodded with a sort of smugness going 'Well, this desktop we shall KIV.' And when I raised my eyebrow(to the best of my abilities) and gave him a confused look, he replied with the same smug look. 'Keep-in-view, of course.' I HAD to chortle at the attempt.

The important thing was, we got a HP desktop. My mother being surprisingly entertaining in the process.

Mum: What is this wireless keyboard and mouse thing?
Me: That means you don't need to connect it to anything to use.
Mum: That means need wire is it?

And when it came to my brother commenting on how he needed a new MP3,

Brother: I need an MP3 lah!
Mum: I have 2 news ones what! (refering to those 256Mb, $50 models.)
Me: (grinning like an idiot and trying not to laugh.)
Brother: Looking at Steph's face, I'd rather not.
Mum: Why? I have 2 new ones what! Right, Stephie? I have right?
Me: (nodding and still grinning.)

My mum can be so cute sometimes. (:

Friday, a.k.a. today, I went Expo-ing with Mother. We went to the book sale going on. It was fantastic! I was in pure heaven for 2 hours, with so much books to choose. In the end, I didn't buy all the books I wanted because some of them were too costly. But, I figure, libraries are good for those occasions.

We had to lug them books back because 2nd Brother took the car, and my slippers were killing me, because I wore the hard-soled ones. I'm currently reading 'Where the truth lies' after which, I shall be watching the movie adaptation.

Tomorrow is a Band Day, Gosh, I hope it's much better. So why do I have a feeling it will bomb?

"Didn't they say that I would make a mistake
Didn't they say you were gonna be trouble
People told me you were too much to take
I could see it, I didn't wanna know" - Picture of You, Boyzone

And I can't find the other half

Well, my laptop is FINALLY fixed. After a long long time. And I'm so content! Not to mention what would probably be happening in the near future..

Leaving you with a picture teacher alvin took...

Send me the youth mass photos soon! (:

Isn'tthe angle of which light was captured onto the glass panel just brilliant? A natural work-of-art i would say. (:

My gosh.

I only have one thing to say.

MY LAPTOP IS SCREWED UP.

Stupid, Friggin', Fucking Laptop...

Omg, I really feel like taking it and smashing it against the marble table!

The Battery's almost dead now..

DAMN IT.

Bloody Hell.

Like I've never seen the sky before...

"Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time." - Moulin Rouge, Come What May

Know what? I feel oddly content. Ok, not content, per say. Maybe.. Indifferent? Fine, So they mean absolutely different things. Sue me.

I'm been listening to the same wardrobe of songs, but they're getting a little tedious. Well, a little. And today just wasn't really very interesting... Not really..

Same ol', same ol'.. Went to mass in the morning. Few things surprised me, most things didn't. Anne bailed out after she came down with a virus and refused to pass it to me. Bloody, noble girl. Just when I WANT sickness...

Went home after Wanton Mee at Geylang. Sometimes, when I read people's blogs, I think how lucky they are that they get to go to Fancy, expensive-no-less places to chow. It just inspires (well, pushes) me to work harder to live a life I want. Not fancy dining, or living, just a life where I don't look at people and think "I can't afford that. Don't even think about it." But where I know I can AFFORD the Shangri La buffet but think, "nah, it's a waste of money anyway."

I want the same for my entire family so badly. I want the childhood that was ripped from me so suddenly, I didn't know what was happening till it was over. I want wanting toys for christmas that other kids got even though I knew I wasn't going to play with them after a month. I want no more suffering my mother went through, pain that I can only hear about, and not feel, because it was just so intense. I want my mother to never have to lift a finger again. I want my brother to get his wishes of settling down soon because I know he is working so hard to do that. I want my other brother to succeed in his music career. I want to give my family anything and everything I can just because I love them so much. I want the life we deserve and no more pain.

Wow... when I run off-track, I REALLY run, huh?

Well, anyway, my computer is on the fritz again.. No surprise there..

You know how some people don't know what they wanna do for the future? I don't want that. But is that really what I should be doing? I really don't know.

This is the great thing about my blog. I run off-track like, again, and again, and it's ok. Because it's not some stupid essay. It's just me. And my run-away imagination.

Goodnight to all, and to all a goodnight! (Well, it's supposed to be 'merry christmas'.)

Everytime you look my way

Got this from Joan's blog. Thought I should post it up. Seems that alot of my pictures were taken with them... Shows how cam-whore-ish they are. MWAHAHA.

I'll sorely miss you guys though... Smile and Be happy always! Shit happens, so suck it up. (:

Gonna sleep now. Heard that mother? Hehehe..