Let Me Count Thy Ways

There's no school tml for me, but I would like to wish all the HMT students good luck. Anyway, I either have very quiet readers or none at all. Cuz no one's been tagging... Anyway, it's good and bad either way. That means I can prob crap away without fear of losing any readers, and it also means no one finds my blog good enough.. oh well.. either way... I'll accept things the way they are.

So far, Operation F.M. has been quite successful. And then I question why I started it in the first place... then I say it's for my own good. Well, I hope I know what I'm doing anyway.. I could end up hurting a few in the process. Don't want that happening..

I recently downloading a couple of songs.. Quite new, quite not-so-new. Either way, they're very enjoyable. Fade Away by Olivia is the best calming song ever. So jazzy in a sense, and smooth... it's also easy on the ears, great for breaks, or something to listen to before a nap. And it's so.. even... I mean, you know how some songs jump from being so quiet to becoming so incredibly loud all of a sudden.. this one's quite soft, i guess, but just so classy! Haha.. I'm advertising something for free okay, make use of it. Oh! I know the perfect words to describe it! Bar music. I can almost imagine myself back in the Equatorial Hotel, sipping on a Shirley Temple and listening to this song. Ohh the life..

It's the meet-the-parents thing tml, and honestly, I don't know if I'm more afraid of my mum meeting Ms. Tee or Ms. Tee meeting my mum. They may SEEM to mean the same thing, but trust me. They are different.

And I'll either get my computer fixed tml, or get a new one. WHOO. Well, I hope I do anyway, with my mum, it's never certain.

Have I even mentioned Contract Bridge yet? It's fantastic! At first, it was awesome, and then I realised there were a lot of things i didn't know.. hence, I found it confusing and not enjoyable. But now, I've learnt quite abit of strategy playing, and i LOVE it! Honestly, it's alot better than the original one, because more thinking is involved and the original sometimes makes me irritated because my partner has no idea that she is. OF course, apparently, that's the fun part, but it does get irritating after a while. Contract bridge is still the BOMB.

And Hearts is another game I learnt. So strategic! Sometimes it's confusing if someone is trying to avoid the hearts or trying to get them all. Again, learn it to love it.

My new passion comes from cards. Anyone wanna teach me a new game? I catch on fast. (:

"You see, I know it's just a crush, and a crush will never last, no. No one's forcing it boy."

It's just the beginning of things.

Well, Day Numero Duos of my Operation Forget and Move On has been unsuccessful thus far. It was a little easier remembering what caused the operation to begin in the first place, but forgetting has been so hard. This is like some sick epic movie. In a few years, I would have the ability to stand up and say 'Getting over you has been the most difficult thing I've had to do.' IF i ever get to say it that is.

It's not helping that the sudden change of attitude was the trigger in which caused it. It's just instinct feeling you know? It hurts so terribly. This WILL be the most emotional time of my life. I hope it IS anyway, I doubt I can take anymore of it. And to think the change happen within a span of less than 12 hours...

I really tried today. But environment and circumstances prevented me from doing anything about my emotions and I ended up thinking about it alot. Didn't help that the environment was a huge cause for my problems.

And well, hopefully this arrangement will last for a while...I think what happened today was a blessing in disguise in a way... if the morning didn't happen, then it would be great. Incredibly hard and painful, but great nonetheless.

I really don't know what I'll do. If ever there there was a mortal version of the oblivion curse, I'll be the first in line to get it.

I just want to forget, is that so hard?

Should I totally erase this part of my life? Yes. The Answer is, I should.

Goodbye.

Hey, your friends are together, side by side and year by year,
The road was filled with twists and turns.
Oh, but that’s the road that got us here.
Let’s move past the bad times.
But before those memories fade…
Let’s forgive, but not forget the love from all the mistakes we made.
-Come so far, Got so far to go. (Elijah Kelly, Zac Efron, Nikki Blonsky - Hairspray Soundtrack)

We've come so far.

Loving you is easy cause you're beautiful...

making love with you is all I want to do...

Loving you is more than just a dream come true...

And everything that I do is out of loving you..

-Loving You by Tynisha Keli. Animation by animationlibrary.com

********

I guess all good things must come to an end sometime. It was a good run anyway... Guess I had lots of fun (and suffering) in the process. Now just to figure out how to forget and move on...

That's gonna be the hard part. I need lots and lots of willpower. Which I obviously have none of.

Oh well... Off to hell for me! I just hope I come out of it in one piece... unscatched if I'm lucky.

*******

I just love my new matress.. it was about time I got one anyway... Now to try and get a good night's sleep after a few failed times.

And Happy hasn't been around for some time... maybe that's why I feel so sad..

*******

"Stay with me while we grow old and we will live each day in the spring time."

Some lyrics are just so corny you want to laugh. And yet, sometimes it's like an uncanny relation to your emotions.

Deep, huh?

Ignore and Walk away.

Ok. This post will be hidden because it will make no sense to many people. I just need to vent out some random things that aren't important. Have a nice day and remember, If it feels all cold in the world, you just left the window open.

OMG! Can you just stop making a fool of yourself??? It's like no one really cares that u exist lah!! GOSH, you are absolutely annoying you know??!! HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. of course it would sure HELP if SOMEONE WOULD give you a HINT or TWO.

And I AM NOT GAY. WTF is WRONG with you??!! GOSHH!!! You were the IDIOT flirting with me in the FIRST PLACE!! i TOLD you i wasn't PRETTY. BUT IM NOT GAY. i bet you think i'm a man don't you?? GOSH... you SICKEN me!!!

FUCK YOU too!! No one has EVER talked to me like that and no ONE WILL. You think you're SUCH a big shot don't you??!! Well, BITCH IS YOU.

GOSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH... WHY DO I KEEP MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF???? IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT I AM SUFFERING?? I STILL HAVE TO BEAR WITH IT FOR ANOTHER HALF YEAR.. AND MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN THAT. I SOMETIMES WISH THIS COULD ALL STOP.

I feel SOO MOODY NOW. i hate MALES so MUCH. 'ohh shiittt. u r gay. bye' Fuck you buddy. Fuck you.

THERE. FEELING MUCH BETTER.

I hate dragonflies, don't you?

Mood Swing

Operation Clean-up is so much fun!

"Throw it away... forget yesterday..' HAHA! Poor Vic!

'We should get Jerseys..' 'Cliched!' 'AND I KNOW THAT IT'S SO CLICHED...!'

'What song should I sing?' 'School Song.' -after short pause- 'We cannot all be heroes...'

And screaming with the water squirting thingy! Nuzul! Hahaha...

Sometimes Class is absolutely crazy and enjoyable.

It's just one of those days you never wanna forget...

I love you guys! (:

I got 4th in class! I share that place with Fan and Elaina. The results itself is not up to standard...but I think I could do much worse..

And only 2 more days till chinese ends... what a killer.

The little things that make you weep

I felt quite moody today. There's a reason. I mean, there should a PLAUSIBLE reason right?

Why is it the same person that I share laughs with almost made me cry today?

It was really hard holding it in. I almost broke down in the end. What stopped me? Sheer willpower. Not to let them have the glee of watching me.

I don't want to hide my blog posts. I think the world should share in my misery. Fuck them anyway.

At least my other friends used to be honest with their feelings. I don't know whether they're shitting me or not.

As you can see, this is a great contrast from yesterday. I swear, I'm going crazy any moment now.

Why is being a teenager so hard? And why can't people just be honest? I don't CARE if you dislike me, I'll complain, don't fret, but at least I'll know. GOD, i HATE it when people just ACT like they still want me around even when deep down, they'd rather wrestle with snakes. OH TRUST ME, I'll give them the fucking snakes ANY DAMN DAY.

I really don't get it. I'll never change. I know they won't either, and I accept that. Can't they accept me? No. The truth is just that. I fucking HATE this! Now I'm questioning MY OWN esteem when I should be smacking their smirks off.

I swear, if I could count the number of people I consider my true and honest friends, I need only one hand. One damn hand. The others are just shadows I hang out with for pride purposes.

Pride and Reputation can be overpowering after all. I got that from a Fan Fiction.

I swear, someTHINGS are not worth 10 years. Not even one.

I just wish I could be a better niece and miss my auntie more.

Maybe I would have had someone to talk to. Even if she irritates me to no end.

But that's just life.

And the people not worth my time and effort are those that make me question my existence on earth.

If i remember this, I'll never make friends again.

Wake me up in 10 years please, when this whole shit nightmare is OVER.

-------

On the bright side, I'd be outta here in a year more or less. I shall spend more time on books and not worry shit about these idiots ever again.

And I'm going swimming with Raman later. What will I ever do when she leaves? I don't want to think about it.

Soup of Cream and Potato Wedges with Cheese.

I think today was really enjoyable.

That's right elaina, I ENJOYED it. so SUE me.

Using Joan's words, This was the most fun I've ever had at parkway.

Poor belle and her internal bleeding. And i really THINK we've officially joined the Youth Council! I ain't kidding!

I LOVE the YC!! With Audra(aka. Audwa or Audea), Manny (the Man.), Andrew(not-the-'boss' of choir), Annye (i don't know which spelling it is.) and the other people like Joshua (TEO.), Sabrina and Valerie! But they're YFs.

And we were late for lunch because of liturgy.. they went burger king to eat and we ended up buying sushi from giant. The sushi is NICE. and cheap. like REAL cheap.

Went to the secret hideout... can you believe how cold it is? Actually, the corner wasn't so cold. Taught the boys bridge. It is seriously such a fun fun fun game! I swear, I'll never get tired of it..after that we really couldn't tahan the cold anymore and left.

Went to CSC to bowl. With bumpers! They're my new best friends. Ok, I suck at bowling. Like, majorly. But bumpers are cool! They are SO AWESOME. Joan agrees with me. We're the bumpers team! And joan is a happy kid. I'm just a noob using bumpers.

With BUMPERS i challenge elaina to a bowling game! And i'll use the bumpers to help me score my spares! WHOO! Bumpers are the new LOVE.

Woah. I said bumpers like, many times. Bumpers. That was for added emphasis.

And the potato wedges are nice! with cheese! WHEE. I scored a 72 for bowling! I ROCK. ((:

We had make-your-own popiah night! It's been a REALLY long time since we've had popiah night! Popiah night is soo GREAT. I have great popiah-making skills... You should compare my popiahs to the rest of the family. My plate is so clean by the end of the night, it's like i never used it.

Honestly, good day. And free bowling too. No, i am NOT some girl whose 'mind was driven by the evils of money' as dear elaina says. HAHA. It's a free game! (well, games.) Who wouldn't want it?!

I want to be born in the year of the tomato!

Cause this was Built to Last

You know what? I hate males.

No, I'm not a hard core feminist or something like it. Like Doris Lessing said, shouting about men is just self-indulging.

15 years living in a male-dominated family does change one's perspective though. Like, GIGANTICALLY.

My brothers can be SUCH HUGE pains, you know. like MAJORLY MAJORLY just-wanna-tear-off-their-heads-and-stuff-them-in-boiling-oil annoying.

They have absolutely little-to-no respect for me, because apparently, little sisters don't deserve any.

Well, that's just them isn't it? The stupid neanderthals that is the human male just makes you wanna kill yourself because of their lack of sensitivity and minds.

"Oh, don't complain when I'm helping you set up your keyboard, I don't like it."

YOU don't like it?? You were the jerk who took out my keyboard in the first place, and for SOME reason, dismantled it in your own ROOM.

And of course, there's the accusation of me being SELFISH because, apparently, I ASKED why he wanted to use my laptop.

IM SORRY! I didn't know what I asked was SOO rude! And here, I thought that was a PERFECTLY fine question.

Right now, NOT liking males so much. I have SOO much problems in dealing with the opposite sex. Is it because I'm not trim or something? Is that some sort of factor?

Like taking me for granted. Thinking I'll ALWAYS help because I'm 'nice'.
I mean... he's probably thinking "Oh, she has a crush on me! I'll just use her and then completely DISS her! That's alright!'

It's bad enough everything just seems to fall out of place in my life, I tell myself he's not worth it. And then, a week later (or sooner.) I'm practically running to the moon for him. I hate that.

Oh, woe is me. The irritating bitches making my life a living hell which are the teenage hormones. A girl can't catch a break, OH NO... that'll be out of protocol. Unorthodox.

Maybe I'll just end up like one of those old maids that get cats. I hope not. I don't have a particular fondness for felines.

I know one thing. To like someone like me, you need incredible tolerance. That's something not many people I know have. So, basically, most people in my life are just tolerating me. That kinda sucks, doesn't it? Knowing you don't really have much friends who like you for who you are.

Maybe that's why I have problems with boys.

Play that funky music

I can't believe I did that. How could i be soo stupid?!

Honestly, I just wish someone would kill me now. I have not much regrets, I've led a good enough life, I've had a good run. So just kill me.

I mean, OMG, will you? Sheesh.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

This will haunt me forever. As if I don't have enough on my plate as it is.

I hate myself.

I hate THAT AARRGGH.

I hate for AARGH to do this to me.

AARGH, I hate you. You heard that? I DESPISE YOUR EVERY FIBRE OF BEING THAT HAS EVER BEEN MY DISPLEASURE TO WALK ON THE SURFACE OF THIS EARTH.

Why Couldn't I have chosen someone else??! WHY, GOODNESS, WHY?!!?

***

On a higher note, The shepherd's pie dinner was exquisitely delectable.

That's all for today.

The Eye of the Tiger

I miss Happy so much!! I think he is absolutely soo adorable!

The thing is, he likes to sniff too much. And i think he's too horny because he humps things.

Anyway, There's catechism tomorrow.

And I want to join the YC. Or the YF. Whichever.

Gosh! I feel so lazy! I don't want to blog!!

My exam results are in. So far, I don't know what to make of them. BUT... i haven't failed anything. Yet. (STUPID, STUPID CHINESE.)

Seven Nation Army

I just love life sometimes. Doesn't everyone? It seems to drift by.

I'm having a normal day. It's these days that really count.

Just posting random pictures, because these moments are unforgettable.

Have a great day darling!

My Knight in shining armour

Have you ever thought of the one that would make your other half? You know... the one that would complete your life..make you whole... yada yada...

Sometimes it seems like such a complex subject. Like all you ever want is to find someone who appreciates you as much as you do them. But then you start thinking, what if my flaws are too huge to overcome? What if no one will ever accept them? What if I never find that one?

It's a scary subject to pursue. The countless number of romance movies and books don't help us along the way, as much as we all hope it does. And no, it's not as if we'll never find it. Just a matter of how long.

How long. Two words can mean so much. Just so profound. Just that. There really is no explanation. No one will be able to satisfy you with the truth. What is the truth? Another one. So much to be answered, and yet, none will be. Not yet.

Just like rainbows in the sky. Sure, there's the whole scientific explanation. But what if I asked you in the simplest of manners? Would explaining the truth be enough? Would one understand? What if I just want a simple answer? Not one to burn out my brain, or one for me to ponder over during boring sessions.. Just. Simple. Would lies cover that? Would the mere fabrication of fantasies tell me that all I need to really understand is in fact not real. Or that whatever seems so pure in its form is so complicated that years of research are needed to really decipher it.

The two subjects aren't really that different are they? They speak of the same. The mystique and wonder of something pure. The enigma of which is so difficult to comprehend, everyone spends millions trying to pry it open, no one really suceeding.

Or maybe some have. But it's more of a 'I took so long to find it, now you go find it yourself' method. Or maybe everything is just so complicated around it that no one even stops to think that maybe, just maybe, it's just not THAT profound.

It's something that causes some to lose sleep over. Something causing many to lose direction and all sense of purpose. Because that's what it wants. Just you. Nothing else. You don't drag along your entire household to a party right? It's the same. Isn't it? Pure. That's just it. Not mixed in with anything else in the world. Sometimes these things cause you to wonder.

Will I ever find true love?

Well, that's not the question now, is it?