A teenage love in a parking lot

It wasn’t really my fault, right?

He started it.

So why do I feel like I’m the one who did wrong?

Just cuz’ I said those hurtful words?

But he started it.

=/

I sound like a 7-year-old.

This is so insane, right?

This is so crazy. And stupid. And effed-up.

Oh right. And I apparently attract a lot of Indians. Not that I’m being racist…. but I’m not even a bloody lawyer yet!!!

And I attract men who do a lot of hands-on work.

So that’s great too.

Everyone else is a dick.

And I’m going crazy. I really am going crazy. And no one can help me.

Does this mean I like him? Seriously? I barely know the guy! Maybe I just like the idea of him. Maybe I should just stop moping about.

So why do I feel like going to Switzerland to apologise?

Someone, please, restrain me!

Or stab me. Whichever is easiest.

And in another life, I would be your girl.

Well, ain’t that some shit?

 

Why is it every time I like someone, I end up feeling like I want to punch their faces in until it can no longer be recognised?

Why is it I always end up liking guys that make me feel soo frustrated, I want to yell at the top of my lungs until my voice turns hoarse and I can no longer make use of my vocal cords?

Why is it I REALLY know how to fucking pick ‘em?

So, here I thought, problem solved.

Of course, things are never simple. It’s an unspoken agreement made on my behalf. ‘Things cannot ever be that fucking simple.’

So yup. Story of my life. I’ll probably look back on this in a few months and laugh.

Maybe a few years.

The Sun will come out tomorrow

So I was sitting at the bar, and this guy comes up to me and says ‘My life stinks.’

Okay. This is great. Well, Joan was right about one thing. The guys I like will not be getting any younger.

So, here I am. With this great guy whose smart, funny, sweet and SWISS. And we like each other. And so what’s the problem?

Well, firstly.. I have never seen his face. And he has never seen mine. So that’s like one of those stupid masquerade masks things where you take off the wretched thing at midnight and OMG!

I should never have done it. I should never have been honest with him. I should’ve done what I did to that weird Indian guy whose conversation I still keep cuz’ it reminds me that men can be horribly desperate. (Which I SHOULD post here soon, cuz’ it’s REALLY good material.)

Well, it’s his fault too cuz’ he is unbearably charming and a GREAT father.

Oh wait. Father? What??!

Yeah. To top it all off, he is a single father, whose great love for his son just makes me want to fall deeper into the stupid rabbit hole.

And we just made a pact not to speak to each other until we can clear our heads and clarify…. something. (I don’t even know why we’re doing it. Seriously.)

OH! And here’s the best part! (Lean closer, people!)

We’ve only known each other for a week! And we’ve already done most of the things couples do. Like fight. And have really opinionated discussions and arguments. And talk about our lives and dreams and shit like that.

Yeah, we’ve fought. Small one as it was, it still symbolised something right? I mean, if this guy was not serious, then why would he yell at me? (Yeah, he started it.)

I think my lack of things to do have made me completely bonkers. What I need to do now is to just clear my head or something.

Or maybe just jump into the pool cuz’ I sure could use a soak right now.

Cuz' I'm living out the script of my life

My nineteenth birthday went well. As you grow older, I don't think you expect much out of birthdays. I'm just glad I got to spend it with people I loved. My family and my best friends.

Right now, I'm nursing a horrible cold and a sore throat. It sucks mainly cuz' I have my BTT tml and I'm dying here.

Okay! Updates!

I got conditional offers to study at Manchester and Southampton. However, I don't really know whether to accept those offers. For now, I'm just waiting for my results. And trying to find a job. Maybe.

I did have an admin job, but I quit after a week. It was just way too dull for my preference.

I honestly feel so horrid, I can barely form words enough to make for an interesting post.

So, just for kicks, I shall describe my nineteenth birthday in as much detail as I can muster.

On my nineteenth,

I woke up at 830 because my throat started hurting.

I went for mass at HFC and then went for lunch at NYNY with my parents, 2nd bro and sister-in-law.

I bought two pairs of shoes from BATA and went home.

Got changed and went to meet the gang at AMK mrt.

Took the bus to the night safari and ate at KFC.

Watched the 'Creatures of the Night' show.

Walked around the trails.

Was too scared to enter the bat cave cuz' I'm not really a fan of flying critters.

Took the tram ride (which is actually pretty cool)


The gang bought me Friends season 10! It's super hilarious and I absolutely love it.

I really wasn't expecting to get it.

And I still feel sick and super sorry for myself. :(

Oh well. good luck to me for my BTT tml!

I'll really try to blog more often, but I get really really lazy. And cuz' my blog and gmail occupy two different google accounts, it gets annoying to sign in and out.

Anyway, Happy CNY to all!

Looks that books take ages to tell.

So, my mum's friend got me a job in her company doing admin. It's relatively easy for good pay, and I have little to no complaints about it.

Except that it's admin work, and that's always fun for the first two weeks or so.

Let's see how long I'll last.

And kids love me.

I'm known as Jie Jie Glee cuz' I wore my glee shirt to work once.

It's really awesome teaching those kids.

But I hate Chinese.

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do.

Today was my first day at work.

It was relatively alright. Questions popped up here and there.

The worst was English. It's so hard to teach a language so innately built in yourself.

I tried to explain it using visuals, but I think they learnt like, 10%. Seriously. How you explain 'the faulty wiring set off an explosion'?

Here's to more money coming in soon! Cheerio!

If you told me to cry for you...

Rocky Horror was worth the hundred dollars. Just the experience alone is fantastic. Although no one threw much stuff in the end and there was less audience participation (AP) than I expected, it was truly an experience everyone should have. Now, I just want to save up cash and go to USA to experience the authentic thing!

Hanging out with Shufen was (as always) a lot of fun. She was so afraid that she looked like a slut! Silly thing.

I really do treasure my friendship with her. It's awesome to know that she'll always be there for me although she can get a little schizo sometimes. And I love how close we are.

Hopefully, work doesn't suck tml, eh?

I still believe in your eyes

I officially despise employment.

Even before I started.

So much for Financial Independence.

Well, this sucks.

I saw the sign.

I start work next monday! And although it's a night job and I'm still free during the day, I still get income! Which is like, WHOO!

Watched 'The Ghosts must be Crazy' with Jeff, Steve-o, Belle, Nat and Fudge.

The movie was alright, the usual Jack Neo nonsense... Hilarity galore without much substance.

It was great hanging out with people I didn't really know a few months ago. Who knew Family Guy could bond Steven and I? (And our elusive tutor, Ryan..)

The ride home was pretty hilarious. Jeff, Steven and I were afraid of awkward pauses (cuz' the three of us didn't really have a lot of common topics. We didn't even take the same subjects!) so we made a deal not to stop talking. It was really stupid. I would point to some random advert on the train ('Oh, look! Police!') and someone would just continue (Jeff: 'Oh yeah. You notice they're around a lot now.') And when the conversation would die down, someone else would come up with something random.

Mum's still not talking to me, by the way. Just to let whoever bothers to keep track know.

Well, staying at home has been fun and all, but I'm glad I got out today. It's been awesome. And you know what? I wish I was omnipotent. Then I could do whatever I wanted to. And whether or not there were consequences... well, screw them all. Life's a bitch.

I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough.

Well, this is the first time in a while that I didn't blog during the holidays.

Normally, my blog is filled to the brim with happenings during the Nov/Dec hols.

This year, I guess I was a little too preoccupied with the whole 'A'levels are over' nonsense.

Right now, I feel like taking a break from the whole world.

I feel like sitting on my bed and not have to interact with anyone.

Now that the most dreaded exams in my life are over, you'd think I can catch a fucking break.

Well, the truth is, with parents like these, no one bloody can.

You know, it's only when you turn 18, have finished all educational obligations for the year, and are officially legal in some parts of the world do you realise how fucking overprotective your parents are.

I mean, I play a bit of mahjong and suddenly, I'm a gambler. I drink a bit, and suddenly, I'm an alcoholic. OMG, C'MON!!!

My mum's CURRENTLY mad at me (like she's been for the past month or so for various reasons.) because I played mahjong with my brother and his friends.

I really can't take it anymore. I keep apologising and apologising... but it's like I will always be at fault as long as we're having an argument.

The only reason I thought they were open-minded and all that nonsense was only because I just never did anything that warranted any fucking open-minded-ness.

I really really don't like comparing myself to my brothers (or anyone else for that matter) but this is just stupid!

They keep giving me stupid standards to follow that NO ONE ELSE in my family has to adher to. Why? Am I really that precious? Do they really think I'm THAT stupid? Or gullible? Or just not trust-worthy.

Anyway, I'm sick and tired of being treated like I'm still 15. I know I still have a lot to learn from life, and I may not be very mature yet, but if I make a mistake, at least it was mine to make.

Not something I couldn't do because 'mummy didn't let me'.

I don't care anymore. I just don't.

I should just become a gambler, an alcoholic, a drug-abuser and all that stuff the government said was bad for you just to rub it in their faces.

Then, I won't be their little girl anymore. And the world would be good.

So dance like it's the last night of your life.

It seems so surreal that the past two years of burying my nose in books have been reduced to three weeks of unbelievable, completely-exaggerated torture.

Then again, time seems to pass so fast, I'm sitting on a park bench in the middle of the pathway they call life wondering what ever happened to the second-hand on the clock.

And of course, when the torture ends, the credit card comes out and I'm swiping it at so many different outlets, I can't keep track.

Then I shrug and smile sheepishly as my bill comes in a sharp, flat white envelope.

In other news,

I plan to redesign my blog skin.

Watch as I bulldoze my way through the Christmas holidays!

It takes two.

I lost my baby today. The best present I have ever gotten. Such a useful tool. It was my own to use, personalise. I lost it to a guy who would never appreciate it like I did.

I can't believe it's gone. It's all my fault. Why did I do it??