When all I needed was the truth.

Suddenly, I've become part of the past...

And everyone knows I'm in over my head with eight seconds left in overtime..

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage...

You find another friend and you discard.

Over my head - The Fray

OneRepublic is soon becoming the band to listen to when I'm emo.
That means I'm pretty much listening to it everyday now.

I felt a whole lot better this weekend. Even though the games recee was a bit of a mind-drainer, my darlings made it up to me as usual just by being there.

Sleeping over with the girls and just talking away about anything and everything was exactly what I needed. I felt so happy last night.

"I got angry at you. So I what you?"
"Slap."
"Another word. Sounds something like it!"
"Slah-p."


Taboo with Azriel has to be the most entertaining thing. Somewhat.


J: "I was wondering if you went to your room."
N: "I DID go to my room."
A: "Huh. Then where did you go?"


Belle is deaf.


S: I can't balance very well! I'm not wearing flats!
A: I thought you were wearing your new shoes...
S: I am..
A: I thought they were heels..
S: They ARE..
A: Then why you say you wearing flats?


See above comment in italics


S: Belle's cold sore's so big, it should have its own personality. I like 'Frank'.
J: 'Norman's a nicer name.
S: Frank!
J: Okay. Frank Norman, okay?
S: Yeah! Sounds awesome!


This is how we named Belle's cold sore.


S [to anyone who came along]: Have you met Frank Norman?


Cuz' I'm mean. :)


N: You must excuse me, my bathroom's quite small. (she means the one in her bedroom)
A: Don't complain! I don't have one at all.
J: You don't have a bathroom at home?


Cuz' Belle's very cute sometimes.

And now that the weekend is over, I can look forward to the week.

Which means I'm not really looking forward to much.

At least we had our fun.

I love my girls.

The hope is we have so much to feel good about.

Don't you know I suffer

I'm facing depression as of now.

I don't wanna do anything.

I wanna quit band. I wanna quit camp. I wanna quit acapella.

I wanna sit at home and relax.

Maybe even do some studying.

I don't even wanna get involved in so many things ever again.

I've learnt my lesson.

I won't do it again.

Please, Lord. Don't punish me. I knew not what I was getting myself into when I signed up.
Nothing is fun now, Lord. I don't need fun, actually. I need joy. Nothing brings me joy anymore, Lord. I'm wallowing in a sea of self-pity and I feel so pathetic that I need to blog and 'complain' about my over-commitments to everything but I can't take it anymore, Lord.
I want to share my gifts with the world, but does it have to come at such a heavy price?
Everyone wants my 100%, Lord. I don't have that. I can't give it to anyone. And everyone gets hurt in the end.
Is it worth it, Lord?
Is it worth the pain and effort just to give everyone only about 50% of what I can offer?
Sometimes I give even less.
I'm disappointing so many people, Lord.
People who used to count on me; people who saw someone in me and decided that I was worth the time.
Now, they probably realise it was a big mistake in relying on me.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Please, Lord.
I dont' want to hurt anyone anymore.
Be with me as I complete what I have to do.
Give me the strength, the patience, the guidance.
Let me learn. And learn well.

And I promise I'll never do something as stupid as this ever again in my life if I ever can help it.

With eight seconds left in overtime

I'll NEVER survive without a maid. I've spend YEARS shaking my head and tsking at others who can't seem to fend for themselves.. only to discover that I'm exactly like them.

Oh happiness.

My household can't even survive one DAY without a maid. Shouting and frustration presented themselves at so many junctures today, I can't even keep count.

And I'm watching New Moon tomorrow with Chuck. :))))

And someone stole my bike. :(((

So yeah, we're going down

I want this.

I got these.

Life is all about material wants and needs.

HAHAHA.

Camp Comm will kill me if anyone reads this.

:DDD

Paint a picture of the perfect place.

I'm a happy girl.

I got 2 pairs of gladiator wedges. In MY size. the PERFECT pair of shoes that I have been looking for since JUNE.

I'm a happy girl.

I went for a mani-pedi today and got light pink fingernails and purple glittery toes.

I'm a happy girl.

I finally got my new earphones.

I'm a happy girl.

I got aviators.

I'm a happy girl.

I'm a little appeased about not going to Indo now.

God wanted me to get my wedges.

I think.

They are perfect. :)

Right, left, right.

I want to marry Ian Somerhalder.

I shall be Mrs. Stephanie M. Somerhalder.

He shall love me and we shall have our 3-storey little beach house in Miami with the 3000 sq-feet backyard and porch swing.

He shall buy me an Audi R8 after I give him his third son. (After having a son and a daughter.)

Actually, I'd rather marry Damon Salvatore and raise a family of vampires.

And get those nifty rings that make us daywalkers.

I wanna be a vampire.

Then maybe I don't have to take a ferry or plane to get to the places I want.

And everyone would like me more cuz' I'd make one hot vampire.

And vampires are oh-so TO DIE FOR. Don't you think so?

The Queen of Spades

Someone is plotting my death the minute I step out of this country. This must be the only reason why I seem to be stuck on this little island.

Anyway, Joan and Pete cheered me up last night after the devastating news broke. Joan made me laugh over the phone talking nonsense and giving me anecdotes about her brother which were so cute. Pete was Mr. Retarded with MSN.

Peter says:

*maybe that's it!
*you're stuck in singapore.
*so you discover the cure for cancer.


Stephanie ♥ Psalm 95:7-8 says:
*yup.
*probably.


Peter says:
*errr....
*do you know where to start? :D


Stephanie ♥ Psalm 95:7-8 says:
*no clue.
*do you wanna help?


Peter says:
*nah.
*I've got exams to study for.


Stephanie ♥ Psalm 95:7-8 says:
*oh okay.


Peter says:
*yeah.


Stephanie  ♥ Psalm 95:7-8 says:
*i'll just mope around the house..


Peter says:
*butbut...
*cancer!


Stephanie ♥ Psalm 95:7-8 says:
*and maybe it'll be hidden under some pot or something.


Peter says:
*OMG.
*you're right.
*you're a genius!

And I had a nice dream. It was probably due to the Malaria pills.

He was thanking me for visiting him at home or something.. I pretended to fall asleep.

There was something about this game called 'RRT' that only gays play or something.

Okay.. My dream may not make much sense, but it cheered me up even more.

I wish a lot of things could be simpler. For one, I could go to China. And getting over him would be a snap. And I wouldn't lose a friend.

And he would stop acting like he does now.

I think it's getting a bit irritating.

It don't matter what you see.

I felt like I got ran over by two trucks.

Today I was Miss Cranky Bitch. I apologise to anyone who got the brunt of it... so basically, I'm sorry Mummy and Daddy.

Anyway.

I've finished packing.

And Operation F.M. is back on track... Although the progress will be extremely slow.

Extremely.

To Indonesia I go!

Everybody knows where we're going.

It was so embarrassing.

Just cuz' I wanted something I couldn't have.

Shouldn't have done it.

How am I supposed to take those steps if I continue to tread backwards?

I literally became someone I don't wanna be.

Awful.

Yuck.

Let's just hope no one noticed but me.

I want your disease

I realise I'm not ready.

Oh shit.

Bad Romance

All the leaves are brown
and the sky is grey
I've been for a walk
on a winter's day

I'd be safe and warm
if I was in L.A
California Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
well, I got down on my knees
and I pretend to pray

You know the preacher likes the cold
he knows I'm gonna stay
California Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

All the leaves are brown
and the sky is grey
I've been for a walk
on a winter's day

If I didn't tell her
I could leave today
California Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

Are we all wrong?

Mother just killed my entire day. Like that.

It was perfectly pleasant. Almost nice.

A few words killed it. Just utterly destroyed it.

I love my mother? But I wonder HOW IN THE WORLD she effing finds the PERFECT moments to make my life an EFFING living hell.

I am THIS close to screaming FOUR LETTERS out AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.

Anyway, that's settled...

Today, I pretty much realise how insignificant my life is.

I know how 2012 was supposed to make you feel like 'woah'... but it really made me feel like if the world ended now... I don't know if I have much to show for it.

An O'level cert collecting dust in my closet? Mediocre grades in a top JC? An obvious lack of willpower shown by my diet? No experience in relationships?

Nope.. nothing.

I don't suppose I should be afraid should the Lord have his second coming... It's just such a waste.

And it is NOT easy being human. IF you're listening, my dear Father. ('Course you are..)

Anyway, I figured it's not worth moping over some guy. I have a full life to live. Why should I live it for anyone except myself?

And if I want to help other people just to make myself feel good?

So what? It's not like the other party doesn't benefit.

So, you know what? Screw everything. I'm gonna start living for me.

Maybe I'll start tomorrow.