She used to be a pearl.

I don't know why I'm crying. The tears just keep running down my sullen cheeks.

I think it's because, after 18 years, you'd expect my parents to stop acting like no one else exists.

My dad. He can be such a monster. No one talks to him because they'll either cry or blow a fuse.

I don't know what his problem is. Sometimes I feel like I have to stand up for him because everyone's completely pissed at him and I don't like that cuz' he's still my dad. And he does all these things like pick out the boneless parts of the fish for me and pick me up from various places. And I also try to remember that he's always there for me and that he loves me so much.

So why do I feel like he's changed. Like he's so mean to everyone now. He constantly blows his top off. He made my brother yell. No one has ever made my brother yell. My brother does not yell.

Why do I feel like sometimes, I don't have a daddy I can talk to. And he hurts my mum.

And she cries. And he continues not to see that it doesn't matter whether he's right or not. It's how everyone feels. And they feel like shit. And they keep fighting. And my mum said she wants to leave him. If she could, she would.

I think the only thing keeping them together is the catholic faith. And it's not even like a 'the faith keeps us together' thing. It's a 'I'm catholic. They said no divorces. Damn.' thing.

So what is the point of staying together if you hurt so much? I'm not questioning God here... but I wish he could help. I'm just so tired of constantly putting up a front. Brother said to talk to him. But I'm scared. He doesn't see me as a grown-up daughter, I'm still a kid. In his eyes. I'll never be anything more.

I keep praying to God for things. I don't even deserve them. I'm probably one of the worst catholics in the world now. And I still keep asking him for stuff. It's like I think he's santa claus.

I can't face anyone anymore. I'm trying... but I keep giving in to the bad things. And I'm still hurting for all the pain. And my family isn't as strong as it used to be. And I'm so scared everything will just crumble. And I will have no more of anything.

I'm so scared. You don't know how scared I am. I want to talk to someone... but I don't think I deserve that pleasure.