Is there something we are waiting for?

I haven't touched my blog for a long while. The reasons vary, none of them important. I don't know why I decided to reopen this transparent vault that has dutifully shown every single drop of emotion I display.

Let's start with the quite-popular '1 Litre of Tears'. It was formally introduced to me by dear Anne while we were still in Secondary School. However, I was never much of a Japanese pop culture kind of person, much less one that indulged in shows that leaked you of your body's natural liquid.

Let's skip to the part where I 'stole' almost everything from Alex's HDD. My curiosity piqued at the familiar-sounding title and I immediately asked Alex about the show. He warned me about the imminent bout of tears that would fall; I cared not to listen. I rarely cried at movies, save Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook, so why not just take a gander?

Now, we shall pause at that particular scene and I will bring you to the start of my week. I set my alarm at 7am and woke up at 930 instead. So what, you shrug in nonchalance, it's the bloody holidays and you wake up a little past the usual. No big deal. Yeah, it WAS no big deal. Except I wasted the whole day not studying because 'I didn't feel like it'. Okay fine. It's one day. I shouldn't get so worked up over it, right?

Only, this disgusting feeling lasted until Wednesday. Three days of not touching a book. Some of you may be gasping in pure disbelief right now. 'WHAT! NOOOO...' Yes, my mid-terms are fast approaching, and I'm not buried five feet deep in books served only to push my grades to an acceptable above-average?

I honestly don't know how to answer any of those. Really. I could give you a really good reason if I wanted to. 'I was feeling rather sick. Really couldn't do much.' But that would be pathetic. Period. The truth was, I was about to slowly sink into pseudo-depression. Slowly, but surely. I would mope about the house, a constant naggy 'C'MON! STUDY, YOU LAZY SHIT!' rang in my ear again and again. It didn't help, of course. My mind is like both mother and child. It screams 'Get out your math!' and then groans with a 'Okaaaay... Just let me play one game of tap tap.' And of course, stuck with my slow sink into mope-town, the child gets a landslide win.

So today, after an embarrassing two hours of tuition where I managed to prove to my teacher that I was giving him $440 a month for nothing, I decided to 'hit the books' (mother said) 'after one or two episodes of '1 litre of tears' '(the child bargained).

Of course, the pseudo-depression still kicking in, and the child still having a strong grip on his win, I ended up finishing everything. (If you didn't realise, I unpaused the scene from five paragraphs ago.)

It turned out to be one of the best choices I made this week. The story is amazing. Simple and easy to follow, and yet, it grips your heart and doesn't let go. Not even 3 hours after finishing the last 5 minutes. The emotions displayed are so real. Sometimes relatable, sometimes sympathy-inducing. I literally spilled one litre of tears watching the entire thing.

Okay. And here's the part where my blatant advertisement for the movie and my mope-y week link...

I realise how lucky I am to be able to get depressed over a couple of stupid papers. Papers that I would never again have to see in my life after this year. (Unless I become a teacher, God forbid.) There are always people worse off than you. No matter what situation you find yourself unable to claw your way out of. You may be the world's most lazy ass. So what.

And another thing, I keep forgetting how incredibly gifted I am. No, I am not being an arrogant shit. Heck, everyone is incredibly gifted. No shit. But we all forget. We lift our weaknesses to a god-like status, on the other hand and point it out to everyone else who cares enough to listen.

'I'm fat.' So what? You are an awesome friend, so many people care for you it should be a sin, and you are pretty smart when you bother to apply yourself. Why harp on one bad thing when God's pratctically screaming 'LOOK HERE! GIFT! GIFT!'?

I still don't know the reason for my pseudo-depression. Really, I don't. Maybe the time of the month is fast approaching. Maybe. Whatever the reason, I need to keep reminding myself that my life is not my own. You may think that you get to decide whatever it is you want in life. You learn that it's true only to an extremely small extent. You get to decide how much you wanna study, doesn't mean you decide what grades you get. (Yes, teachers blurt that in your face, but do you really think that's true?)

So, yes. I don't know how much of that anyone understood. Hell, I don't even know if I understand all of it. Call it a good rant at worse. Happy studying for those stuck in the phase called the 'Advanced Levels'. Happy holidays for the rest. If you belong to neither group, oops.

I'm going to study now. After a quick session of Facebook. Promise!