This has gotta be the good life

There's this thing on facebook called 'Things I've done in 2009'. I wanna do my own original list.

THINGS I'VE DONE OR THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME IN 2009

x Spent my first New Year's with the YC at Queen's Rally. (The night before was spent with my darlings.)
x Had a realisation that I really really liked someone. A lot.
x Got surprised by my best friends, my classmates and my church friends on the best birthday yet.
x Entered into TJC.
x Made great friends. (The Daffodils)
x Got real close to my classmates (Vonne and gang)
x Joined Council Nominations
x Dropped out of Council Nominations
x Joined Tennis and Band
x Made awesome band friends.
x Got involved in 5 church commitments.
x Got involved in SYF
x Broke down due to pressure, more than once.
x Awesome Stage Band (Played 'Marie')
x Awesome after-concert Band BBQ at my place
x First horrible results in many years.
x First compulsory remedial in many years.
x Skipped Chinese class
x Passed Chinese
x Dinners and days spent with my darlings
x Easter Vigil with my best friends
x Bought my first MC
x My first visit to a polyclinic
x Was Games Head for Camp Comm
x Struggled between band and camp for a month.
x Joined OCIP
x Cambodia trip got cancelled in August (H1N1)
x China trip got cancelled a week before departure (H1N1)
x Indonesia trip got cancelled night before departure (Ferry sank)
x Designed awesome banner anyway.
x Good Fiesta concert
x Awesome church camp
x Lessons learnt from organising camp
x Friendship almost ruined
x Friendship stronger as a result
x Heart got broken
x More than once
x Got closer to a lot more people.
x Made lists.
x Sang for Feast Day Dinner (Church A capella group)
x Laughs that never stopped
x Tears that formed oceans
x Mahjong only got better
x Project Work killed everyone
x Promo results were relieving
x Got my first Apple product
x In love with my Ipod
x Will be spending NYE with my darlings. (Upset that Nat's out. :(((( )

I will wait for the arrival of the New Year with joy.

A'LEVEL YEAR. :(((((

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer.

Lesson: Do not leave a facebook status unattended, especially if it's loaded.

Consequence: You don't wanna know.

Gosh, I feel so bad. :(

In the still of the night.

Tonight was awesome. Except one thing.

The acapella team is so great. And we really put in our utmost best. And I was so proud of everyone. Everyone. And tonight would've been just great. Except it was ruined at the last part.

I think little kids are so adorable. Clara was so cute, and Jade has a crush on Daniel. HAHA.

My lists are awesome cuz' people have a reason to be nice to me. HAHA. (Okay, it doesn't work. Really.)

Even though church didn't come through and give us any proper tables, in the end, it didn't matter cuz' I had a lot of fun with the gang.

Except my night so didn't end well.

Because of her, of course. It's like, she's become more in-your-face recently.

During dinner, I almost wanted to tell Joan that she was 'pretty okay, I guess.'

Then, of course she had to be herself. So, I mean, wow. I don't wanna say I hate her or anything, cuz' it really takes up a LOT of energy.. But she is soo not on my friend list. At all. Really.

Don't even know why it's affecting me so much. I'm doing so well on my own.

Probably decided to add spice to my apparently-not-seasoned-enough life.

Because that's who she is right?

Bitch.

Your body is a wonderland

Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing, ring-ting-tingle-ing too
Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you
Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling "You Hoo"
Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you

Fact One: Didn't have a very good Christmas Eve.
Fact Two: My family made it so much better.
Fact Three: My cousin and nieces are extremely cute.
Fact Four: It is possible to have too much turkey.
Fact Five: Staying up until 0530 is not the best idea ever.
Fact Six: I am not addicted to mahjong.
Fact Seven: Do not have Carlsberg as your first beer.
Fact Eight: I turn 18 in 1 month and 12 days.

Wishing all my readers and everyone out there a blessed and joyous Christmas!

I love you Jesus, deep down in my heart.

I came across a fallen tree

I feel like my heart got wrenched into half again.

Honestly? I don't know what hurts more.. the fact that it's final and this is it, or the fact that of ALL of people in the entire freaking universe, it had to be her.

I wish I had a magic wand. And I could change pathways so his would steer as far away as possible from hers. Actually, if I was gonna wish for things, I would just wish that his path would collide with mine.

No, actually, if I was wishing for things, I would wish that I was busy the whole of June and I didn't have the time to meet him. That day. Just kills me when I think about it.

I don't know what to do now. Because I don't think I'll ever accept it.

I think I need to stay away from all this. It's too much. A lot of things are happening at once. I don't want to put myself in the middle of anything right now.

I know he doesn't deserve me because his standards are obviously much lower than previously thought.

Actually, I feel a bit insulted.

After this sunday, contact with him will be as minimal as humanly possible.

MINIMAL.

We're digging right in your fears

This whole camp thing affected my friendship with Belle so much.

I never thought I wouldn't be mature enough to separate friendship from 'business' when it came down to stuff like this.

After project work, you'd think that you'd be prepare for a lot of 'work issues'.

Boy, was I proven wrong....

She's always been a little muddle-headed, but she makes up for it by being an awesome friend, able to listen to your problems and understand, and support you in whatever you do.

For the past few weeks, the only thing that seem to come out tops was her muddle-headedness.

It was scary because for a SPILT second, I felt like our friendship was gonna fall apart.

The split second was enough.

I didn't/don't ever wanna lose her as a friend because she means so much to me.

Yesterday was a wake-up call cuz' I realised how much I was letting it affect me. To the point that I didn't wanna talk to her anymore.

Joan and Anne were there to make sure I didn't do something stupid like that.

And she DID come through for me in the end.

Surprised as I was, I felt so utterly guilty.

I never stopped loving her as my best friend.

And I hoped that our common love for God and our friendship would be strong enough to pull through tougher situations.

But it's cool. Cuz' after this, I just know that the bonds have strenghtened.

And Christmas is coming. :)

For those days we felt like a mistake.

It's really hard to comprehend what is really expected of you when you're only 17.

At one end, you're mature enough to be able to make the right decisions, you're supposed to start taking ownership of certain things. Supposed to bank on those responsibilities that you weren't exactly taken seriously for until now.

And yet, people still treat you like you don't matter. Like you're still too young to understand what goes on in this spherical little globe we call 'the world'.

I'm not complaining that there is this... 'gauge' of sorts.

It's just that it gets so tiring to be flitting from one end of the 'stick' to the other. And it becomes so irritating when you THINK this is the part when you're supposed to..... and it turns out that 'nope. sorry. wrong extreme. try again.'

Horrible, isn't it?

And then there's another part to this story. The whole 'everyone has it, so..... why aren't I....?'

Maybe that's why I'm getting so much new stuff now. Cuz' I can't get what I really want.

Then again, what IS IT that I really want?

That's always a toughie, huh.

I just told Vonne and gang that this year was a pretty good year on a hold. They said that this year was pretty extreme. I couldn't agree more.

2009 is an extreme year. I could be absolutely contented one minute, and then my entire perspective on what is known as 'my life' would change.

If only...

Why should I continue hoping though? It's obvious that there is only one path available for me at this point.

Yeah.

That's life for you..

It's complicated.

We were waiting for each other.

okay. So I realize that it is not easy to type with an itouch. And that it is not easy to blog with it too. So basically, i'm pretty happy with my Christmas present.. I mean, I really never expected to get the iPod touch ever. Even though I was saving up for it.. I was thinking that I would only ever have enough for a nano.

So yes.

I'm a happy girl. :)

and well, I need to rethink my priorities, cuz they're gonna affect the way people see me. And then what? I can't have people thinking that my priorities are completely screwed up right?

On another note, I like it that my touch has an auto-correct function.

I spent an entire day trying to figure out how it works, especially with the whole apps store crap. And now, it's my baby.

I'm gonna call it Mia.

We were waiting for each other.

We'll have the heart not to lose it.

I can't wait for Christmas!

I LOVE MY AUNTIE! :DDD

And we'll have the scars to prove it.

All the planning, the tears, the craziness.

It eventually comes down to something. Most of us wish it would be something good.

I'm lucky that it was.

This weekend may have been extremely tiring and crazy, but it was worth it.

I wanted to cry when camp ended. What I missed, however, was the joy on the campers' faces when they played my games. I was too busy to stop and notice it.

If I saw it, I would've cried. Then and there.

I cried during the PnW session because it was then that I realised that everything that I've done, everything I've planned, sacrificed, cried for, stressed for.. It was for the campers. For God.

I only REALISED it then. That I did ALL this because I really loved God. And I wanted all my campers to do the same. I wanted THEM to love God as much as I do.

And that was probably the reason I took up the 'job' of being Games Head for camp. The reason which I forgot along the way, during the planning and the running up and down, not being able to concentrate on any one thing.

Reading my affirmations lit my face up. Campers wrote to me, which was surprising cuz' I didn't think I'd get a lot of affirmations this year.

I'm glad I decided to take on the role this year.

I'm glad I got the experience and the amount of lessons I've learnt from this.

I'm glad that my very capable games comm, Azriel, Ryan and of course, my darling Belle, was there to make sure I didn't die.

Azriel, for his constant reassuring that everything was going to be okay. Even though I didn't believe him for the most part, everything DID turn out okay. He's my seer. I love him. :)

Belle, because she did as much work as I did. Even though she didn't completely almost go bonkers like I did, she was there to ensure I didn't break down. She handled everything I couldn't. Even though I got mad at her a lot because of the little things, she came through for me. Without her, I wouldn't last through camp.

I also need to thank the whole of camp comm. They were there from the beginning, and in my opinion, we all really did work well with each other.

Alex, because he was the one making sure I was always on the right track. He had so much stress and yet still managed to be there whenever I needed him. And the talks we had, whether good or bad. :)

Pete, because he did all the grown-up thingies that I didn't/couldn't/didn't know how to do. Like come up with all the timings for the programme so that we all had something to work with. And listening to me rant about all my problems. And making sure I didn't go berserk.

Nana, because she had to deal with my logistics nonsense and watch me go over the budget, again and again. And for being extremely nice about it. And for not getting angry when I didn't come through for her. And basically for being so cute during camp and always being there and being such a darling. Without her, my games would have nothing to work with.

Sharon, because she provided all the help she could after pubs was done. And all the advice she gave from being games head last year helped SOO much.

Manny, because he kept making sure I had a smile on my face the whole time. And because he's my older brother, being annoying and caring all at once. :)

I will definitely do this again.

But not any time soon.

I'm too tired.

I just slept for 16 hours. :)

xoxo

Saving the best for last.

I don't know anymore. I keep thinking that it's bound to get better, but I don't know..

Really.

Don't need another perfect line

Vampire Diaries reopens next year.

I'm like, WHAT THE HELL.

This is not cool.

Anyway, I have this wedding to attend tomorrow, so...

Yeah.

Life's a blast now.

Really.

I'm not swimming in to-do list after to-do list.

Really.

Do you remember the times?

My brother has always been the sweet one, always thinking about others first.

That's one of the reasons I love him, even as I roll my eyes at another one of his attempts to try and make the world a better place for the rest of mankind.

He's the one making sure everyone's feelings get considered, especially since my other brother and I have no qualms about feelings and the whatnots that get hurt.

**

I keep dreaming...

And it's always about the same person.

Just different scenes.

It's crazy.

I think I need more sleep.

**

I have a love-hate relationship with band, I swear.

Sometimes, it's just easier to not care about it.

**

And, oh look.

Gossip Girl just got THIS much more interesting.

And predictable.

LAUGHS.

They got their mind on the money.

I need to find a way to concentrate on Economics.

The only thing I keep thinking of is how much I need to do for camp and how little time there is to do it.

Basically, I wanna concentrate fully on camp.

And nothing else.

So basically, I wish I didn't have a band concert next week.

And band camp on thursday.

Because band camp is another way of saying 'I wanna keep you in school to practice until 11 and tire you out so you can play horribly for the concert.'

Actually, I'm getting extremely sick of band. I still love playing, and I know I'll miss the songs I can play once there's no more band, but it's the other things that make me sick.

Make me wanna throw up.

If it wasn't for the horrible fact that the Singapore Education system requires you to maintain a CCA, I'd quit.

I wanna play. I really do. But all this stress is not worth it.

Plus, it seems like I only have one or two true friends in the band now.

Thank goodness it ends next week.

I can't wait for band camp...

..... to be over.

On another note, I decided to use today to do all the stuff that I'm supposed to do before I spend the rest of this week tiring my lips out on my instrument.

And I haven't finished.

Joy is my middle name.

If this blog is supposed to reflect my emotions in life too, you'd think I was a horribly scarred kid always in the midst of her period.

So I present to you the irony of my life. :))

(People ask me how I can stay so cheerful most of the time. Now you know why. :) )