Sure, why not? Everyone else thinks so. This just adds icing to the cake. I guess I should not be surprised. Oh well, I think I feel quite emotionless now.
When I said I hope I never get hurt. Well, screw that now, huh.
Just thought I could have something real for a change, is all.
Sigh.
This is a girl. This is her blog. That's pretty much the gist of where you are now on the internet.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Oh look, ma, a peanut!
Is it okay to sigh over and over and over again in tremedous happiness?
My mood went from absolutely over the moon.. to indifference.. to some sadness (and a bit of jealousy) to wonderful bliss again.
I really don't know.. the last time this happened, i kinda got hurt quite badly.. of course no one really knows the whole story..
Anyway, I'm so over that.. and i'm so glad this happened. Hopefully, I made the right choice this time!
To those who know what I'm talking about, I'm really glad I told you guys, cuz the last time was painful and oh-so-lonely. Now, I have shoulders to cry on! (: (Although I hope I never have to use those shoulders.)
Oh, I really hope something happens. I really do.
My mood went from absolutely over the moon.. to indifference.. to some sadness (and a bit of jealousy) to wonderful bliss again.
I really don't know.. the last time this happened, i kinda got hurt quite badly.. of course no one really knows the whole story..
Anyway, I'm so over that.. and i'm so glad this happened. Hopefully, I made the right choice this time!
To those who know what I'm talking about, I'm really glad I told you guys, cuz the last time was painful and oh-so-lonely. Now, I have shoulders to cry on! (: (Although I hope I never have to use those shoulders.)
Oh, I really hope something happens. I really do.
Monday, March 24, 2008
My Con4 Camp Experience: A letter to the YC
Hey guys! I feel the need to share my POV! (point-of-view.) Since I'm one of the two teens in the YC that were also part of the teens in the camp. (Erm.. did that make sense? I seem to make no sense with my words sometimes.. btw.. what does Y-CIA or YC CIA stand for?)
Anyway, I honestly felt really indifferent towards camp. This was mainly because I don't exactly like the Saturday teachers and Andrew and Manny kept stressing that the YC could only help out and not organise the camp and i didn't know to what extent the helping out would be and whether camp would be fun or just like the YISS sessions.. well, you get my point.So yeah.. the period of which we were on the bus almost reaching Choice Retreat Centre, Steph (i THINK..) said 'We're gonna give you guys numbers now so remember them.' and i was thinking 'oh crap.' So fantastically smart us decided to split ourselves with the other clique so they would HOPEFULLY number us in the same group. of course who knew there were supposed to be 14 groups. (at point.. i kinda wonder why since there were like.. 60 of us only.)
And when in the lunchroom, the only reason why it was hard for you guys to get us settled was because EVERYONE was trying to find a way to exchange numbers.. group numbers.. not handphone ones... (there! i admitted it! i was in a way, guilty as well. ): ) Okay, here's the reason why. (if you haven't guessed yet.) The Sunday girls (yes, nat, belle and i included.. surprise surprise.) are the loud, opinionated 'TOO-DAMN-enthu' group. The Saturday girls are the KC, bimbo, boy-crazy ones. And the boys.. well, i don't really know what their problem is.. maybe they don't have one. So we (the girls, mostly) were afraid of mixing. It was like mixing pepper with ice-cream. Dangerous.
So anyway, in the end, the groups were still all confused up. (I promise that I was really trying to be cooperative because I saw how Sharon and Steph were very upset and I felt truly bad.) And I was in the group with Sam Chan and a couple of the saturday girls. We were supposed to be grouped up with the saturday boys but they ran off somewhere. Lunch I feared. I somewhat knew Amelia (manny's cousin) from Camp Incredible, but still...Anyway, it turned out much better than I expected. our group really clicked, even breaking out into laughter which was NOT what i expected. I even somewhat found cleaning up fun because we ALL did the dishes together and were quite icked at the digusting oily dishes in the sink.
OKAY, moving on... the first session was quite alright. The songs got stuck in my head for a while and we kept singing 'I am a C' in the shower. The group sharing was alright too.. my group shared quite a bit.. there were awkward moments of silence but it was short and few, thankfully.The adoration of the Lord was the best part. I don't know why, but I love that feeling when Jesus seems to be smiling at you and his presence just seems so obviously there. Okay, I know why. Anyway, I remember the time I experienced that in Camp Incredible, I cried. This time, I just felt very peaceful. And a little happy. (but not so much so like Liana.) We ended off playing games with the boys. The only reason that happened was because we got to know them more in our groups, so actually, it was Steph and Sharon who kinda gave that little push. (clap clap clap.)
It was really fun hitting people and screaming names. You should try it. And we ended the day off feeling really happy and not a bit regretting our decision to come here.
The second day was much better, as you guys have mentioned. I think we really settled down both in camp and in our groups. The session felt less draggy and more interactive, the people felt more easy-going and less 'emo-like'. The session after lunch, when Francis started to talk about our parents, it was really intense for some people. I remember feeling quite happy about my parents, and couldn't really grasp that others did not feel the same way. When alot of people started crying, I started to wonder if I was lacking something.. (kinda like Francis yearning for that holy spirit feeling.)
Anyway, the praying over made those troubles slip away and I felt peaceful again. Just before we were supposed to get ready for mass, the whacko group (i mean the game.. not the characteristic) found someone's itinerary paper.(Trust me, I felt really bad because Manny had said we were not supposed to look at it when we had asked him before.) So that's why a lot of people weren't surprised when our parents showed up.
After mass and all that, francis made us build the bridge over the sunday, saturday nonsense. I went over to some quiet girls in the saturday class that i merely exchanged pleasantries with before. Then, Pete kinda knocked some sense into us. Which i felt was totally true AND needed. I mean, some of the girls were still reluctant to move and even though I felt quite upset that they were being too stubborn, I guess in a way, I still have that prejudice in me. (A built-up feeling of 3 years takes more than 3 days to brush away, sorry.)
After all, I guess we're all still his children. And even though things might stay the way it was before camp, camp would never be forgotten.I think i may have kinda went overboard there with all them words.. So i shall sum it up. EVERYONE will totally agree with me when I say that no one regrets the YC helping out. (the extent of which is about maybe 80 to 90%?) I guess even though I've been with the YC for like.. less then 2 months, I thought I had seen all there was to see about the group.
But when I saw Aloy kinda getting mad on the first day then telling us we were the best group he facil-ed in a while, and when I saw Steph and Sharon for the first time getting stressed up and STILL persevered on with helping us, and Pete's speech that had everyone feeling super ashamed of themselves (yours truly, included.) I guess I know now that there's more to the YC. I SO don't regret joining super too early. and I SOO hope there's more to come.
You've been Whacko-ed by,
Steph Michelle.
Anyway, I honestly felt really indifferent towards camp. This was mainly because I don't exactly like the Saturday teachers and Andrew and Manny kept stressing that the YC could only help out and not organise the camp and i didn't know to what extent the helping out would be and whether camp would be fun or just like the YISS sessions.. well, you get my point.So yeah.. the period of which we were on the bus almost reaching Choice Retreat Centre, Steph (i THINK..) said 'We're gonna give you guys numbers now so remember them.' and i was thinking 'oh crap.' So fantastically smart us decided to split ourselves with the other clique so they would HOPEFULLY number us in the same group. of course who knew there were supposed to be 14 groups. (at point.. i kinda wonder why since there were like.. 60 of us only.)
And when in the lunchroom, the only reason why it was hard for you guys to get us settled was because EVERYONE was trying to find a way to exchange numbers.. group numbers.. not handphone ones... (there! i admitted it! i was in a way, guilty as well. ): ) Okay, here's the reason why. (if you haven't guessed yet.) The Sunday girls (yes, nat, belle and i included.. surprise surprise.) are the loud, opinionated 'TOO-DAMN-enthu' group. The Saturday girls are the KC, bimbo, boy-crazy ones. And the boys.. well, i don't really know what their problem is.. maybe they don't have one. So we (the girls, mostly) were afraid of mixing. It was like mixing pepper with ice-cream. Dangerous.
So anyway, in the end, the groups were still all confused up. (I promise that I was really trying to be cooperative because I saw how Sharon and Steph were very upset and I felt truly bad.) And I was in the group with Sam Chan and a couple of the saturday girls. We were supposed to be grouped up with the saturday boys but they ran off somewhere. Lunch I feared. I somewhat knew Amelia (manny's cousin) from Camp Incredible, but still...Anyway, it turned out much better than I expected. our group really clicked, even breaking out into laughter which was NOT what i expected. I even somewhat found cleaning up fun because we ALL did the dishes together and were quite icked at the digusting oily dishes in the sink.
OKAY, moving on... the first session was quite alright. The songs got stuck in my head for a while and we kept singing 'I am a C' in the shower. The group sharing was alright too.. my group shared quite a bit.. there were awkward moments of silence but it was short and few, thankfully.The adoration of the Lord was the best part. I don't know why, but I love that feeling when Jesus seems to be smiling at you and his presence just seems so obviously there. Okay, I know why. Anyway, I remember the time I experienced that in Camp Incredible, I cried. This time, I just felt very peaceful. And a little happy. (but not so much so like Liana.) We ended off playing games with the boys. The only reason that happened was because we got to know them more in our groups, so actually, it was Steph and Sharon who kinda gave that little push. (clap clap clap.)
It was really fun hitting people and screaming names. You should try it. And we ended the day off feeling really happy and not a bit regretting our decision to come here.
The second day was much better, as you guys have mentioned. I think we really settled down both in camp and in our groups. The session felt less draggy and more interactive, the people felt more easy-going and less 'emo-like'. The session after lunch, when Francis started to talk about our parents, it was really intense for some people. I remember feeling quite happy about my parents, and couldn't really grasp that others did not feel the same way. When alot of people started crying, I started to wonder if I was lacking something.. (kinda like Francis yearning for that holy spirit feeling.)
Anyway, the praying over made those troubles slip away and I felt peaceful again. Just before we were supposed to get ready for mass, the whacko group (i mean the game.. not the characteristic) found someone's itinerary paper.(Trust me, I felt really bad because Manny had said we were not supposed to look at it when we had asked him before.) So that's why a lot of people weren't surprised when our parents showed up.
After mass and all that, francis made us build the bridge over the sunday, saturday nonsense. I went over to some quiet girls in the saturday class that i merely exchanged pleasantries with before. Then, Pete kinda knocked some sense into us. Which i felt was totally true AND needed. I mean, some of the girls were still reluctant to move and even though I felt quite upset that they were being too stubborn, I guess in a way, I still have that prejudice in me. (A built-up feeling of 3 years takes more than 3 days to brush away, sorry.)
After all, I guess we're all still his children. And even though things might stay the way it was before camp, camp would never be forgotten.I think i may have kinda went overboard there with all them words.. So i shall sum it up. EVERYONE will totally agree with me when I say that no one regrets the YC helping out. (the extent of which is about maybe 80 to 90%?) I guess even though I've been with the YC for like.. less then 2 months, I thought I had seen all there was to see about the group.
But when I saw Aloy kinda getting mad on the first day then telling us we were the best group he facil-ed in a while, and when I saw Steph and Sharon for the first time getting stressed up and STILL persevered on with helping us, and Pete's speech that had everyone feeling super ashamed of themselves (yours truly, included.) I guess I know now that there's more to the YC. I SO don't regret joining super too early. and I SOO hope there's more to come.
You've been Whacko-ed by,
Steph Michelle.
BACK not for good.
I know, I know.. i haven't posted in a VERY long time. Like, extremely. Thing is, I was too lazy.. plus.. it's quite annoying sometimes to write things on a computer.. OKAY, i was just lazy.
Anyway, the best thing happening so far was Confirmation camp.. of which i shall post my email to the YC later. Right now, it's rant time.
Honestly, my stomach is aching, and it's not because of the prata i had for lunch. Someone (let's call her K) told me something today that I just ran through in the shower and thoroughly processed. Result: Conufsion spreading through my entire body like wildfire.
Truth to be told, I wanted to talk to someone about this.. but my options were clearly limited, and option number 1, joan, was not yet back home. Other options seemed too.. I don't know how to describe it.. not enough? not understanding enough? I really didn't know who to talk to.. so i decided to put it on my blog. Okay.. NOT the best decision in my life, but i've made worse.
Anyway, since it's going international, i'm thinking I have to be VERY vague, which in my case is NOT the best solution because my insides are figuratively rotting and DYING from upset.
So here's the BIG question: What if things change? What if somethings happen and everyone just moves away from each other? I thought this was the best time of my life, but clearly, it's not going very well, as planned. I mean, I JUST figured out the WHOLE scheme of things recently after MUCH thought and planning, and then THIS happens?? What the HELL am i? A DRAMA case??
I really hate this. Truly and honestly. Thing is, I don't blame her. But she just messed up something in my life. She practically took my guts, pulled them out and starting grinding them into little pieces. She didn't mean it, trust me. But I can't help what I feel.
What can I do now? I really didn't know how to react at first. What was I supposed to do.. What COULD i say that would seem to console the both of us? I didn't do much. And even though I forgot the most part somewhat during the day, it came squiggling its stupid way back into my head. And TADAH!
Right now? I feel so confused. Utterly and desperately with some dumb cherry on the top. My mind is a muddle, I feel EXTREMELY lousy, and I want to cry.
But I can't, because I have tuition in an hour and I don't want my NEW teacher thinking I'm an idiot for puffy eyes and a blocked nose.
I can't concentrate on anymore, I can't take it for now. I REALLY need someone to talk to.
My heart is full of mixed emotions, I feel so sick I could throw up.
Why is this affecting me so much?
How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on my O'levels with this stupid thing twirling its way through my system?
WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME??!! I will always hate you for that.
Anyway, the best thing happening so far was Confirmation camp.. of which i shall post my email to the YC later. Right now, it's rant time.
Honestly, my stomach is aching, and it's not because of the prata i had for lunch. Someone (let's call her K) told me something today that I just ran through in the shower and thoroughly processed. Result: Conufsion spreading through my entire body like wildfire.
Truth to be told, I wanted to talk to someone about this.. but my options were clearly limited, and option number 1, joan, was not yet back home. Other options seemed too.. I don't know how to describe it.. not enough? not understanding enough? I really didn't know who to talk to.. so i decided to put it on my blog. Okay.. NOT the best decision in my life, but i've made worse.
Anyway, since it's going international, i'm thinking I have to be VERY vague, which in my case is NOT the best solution because my insides are figuratively rotting and DYING from upset.
So here's the BIG question: What if things change? What if somethings happen and everyone just moves away from each other? I thought this was the best time of my life, but clearly, it's not going very well, as planned. I mean, I JUST figured out the WHOLE scheme of things recently after MUCH thought and planning, and then THIS happens?? What the HELL am i? A DRAMA case??
I really hate this. Truly and honestly. Thing is, I don't blame her. But she just messed up something in my life. She practically took my guts, pulled them out and starting grinding them into little pieces. She didn't mean it, trust me. But I can't help what I feel.
What can I do now? I really didn't know how to react at first. What was I supposed to do.. What COULD i say that would seem to console the both of us? I didn't do much. And even though I forgot the most part somewhat during the day, it came squiggling its stupid way back into my head. And TADAH!
Right now? I feel so confused. Utterly and desperately with some dumb cherry on the top. My mind is a muddle, I feel EXTREMELY lousy, and I want to cry.
But I can't, because I have tuition in an hour and I don't want my NEW teacher thinking I'm an idiot for puffy eyes and a blocked nose.
I can't concentrate on anymore, I can't take it for now. I REALLY need someone to talk to.
My heart is full of mixed emotions, I feel so sick I could throw up.
Why is this affecting me so much?
How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on my O'levels with this stupid thing twirling its way through my system?
WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME??!! I will always hate you for that.
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