And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind.

It’s amazing how much difference a few weeks make.

What I thought I felt has completely been dissolved into mere memories toppled off with bad feelings of ‘What-the-fuck-was-I-thinking?’

It’s funny, though. The difference between the actual event and the presumed one is greatly vast.

It’s really crazy the feelings that run through my nerves when I think back on what I used to feel, as opposed to the revulsion that courses through my veins now.

And he is so full of shit, it makes me wonder whether I was thinking with my ass a month ago.

It’s hilarious. I can’t help but laugh. A month ago, I would’ve been blogging about how sweet he was when he said this and blah, blah, blah…

Now, I read everything he says and I roll my eyes and/or think ‘Yeah, fucking right.’ in acid tones.

I don’t think he realises that the moment he did what he did, I lost all trust in him. I don’t even respond to his ‘nicknames’ anymore. I tried telling him last night, but I don’t think he got it.

I honestly don’t know how he gets the gall to pretend that everything’s really okay. Guys are so fucking clueless.

The best part about all this, though, is that I don’t really wanna stop talking to him. I think, mainly, because I don’t have much else to do. At least, for now.

We’ll see again, I guess.

For now, it’s still nice to have someone think I’m that awesome.

I am turning into such a bitch. =/

In another life, I would be your girl.

I just had an extremely satisfying shower. My hair is all conditioned and my skin smells like flowers. :D

And my granny’s here! She’s so cute and all. (And I always get the money from her that I TRY to reject because it’s like this thing that we do.) But now, my room’s gonna smell of her oils and old people. Which would be cool. Except for the fact that it’s not, really.

Yesterday, Belle, Tia and I went to ‘recee’ Zouk’s mambo night. We arrived at 9.20. Horribly early, considering we were one of the first few parties to arrive, and no one was dancing/drinking yet.

And no one mambo-ed. At least, not until past midnight, which was the duration of which Tia and I stayed until. Honestly, thumbs up should be given for the horribly cheap drinks. (I paid like, less than $20 for three drinks! more than half the amount I would have to fork over in Timbre or any other bar I’ve been to.) And the music they played over in Zouk’s main club. Classic upbeat songs that made Tia and I sway continuously in our seats. I was honestly itching to hit the dance floor. Except, the UV lights in the club took us all by surprise. And not in a good way. Plus, there were no cute ang moh boys. They were either already taken… or kinda that much older. How sad.

Oh well.

We’re still going next week. It’s still cheap. I do agree with Tia, though. I’m not really a fan of the drunk girls slurring swears in the toilet in the midst of throwing up. Nor am I a fan of wild boys swearing in hokkien, like, everywhere.

I think these are signs that I am not a fan of the party scene. I do love drinks though. And hanging with my babes. But.. that’s like, it.

In other news, I finally got a reply from Alex. Which has opened a can of worms. I kinda wish he didn’t bother. At all. Thank goodness for the fact that the can of worms he opened is small enough to be controlled.

On one hand, I really don’t care about online chatting anymore. It got old. And kinda boring. And well, I’m tired of the kind of people you meet there. They’re all the same. With the exception of their screen names. Which would probably BE the same if it was allowed.

“Imabigdick_3000”

But, well, I did have fun talking to him. And I really don’t see the harm in continuing to talk to him as a friend (and nothing more.) I mean, it’s not like I'd take the next plane to Michigan. (with the long flight and layovers, it really is a turn-off.)

Of course, my dear friend, Elaina, would probably kill me. And I wouldn’t get the puzzle.

I should get a puppy. I would name him ‘puppy’. And then, when he grows into a bigger dog, I might call him ‘bigger dog’. Cuz’, you know, he’s my dog. And I can.

Take a bite of my heart tonight

Honestly, I can’t decide on a lot of things right now.

I wish I could get someone to make all my major decisions for me.

It just seems like a lot of pressure on my part to make the decisions that fit me the best. Each choice having its own consequence and impact.

Recently, I downloaded my 150 game pack into my laptop. Which honestly, with the exception of Tradewinds, just lagged the whole computer.

I also downloaded Drake & Josh, having somehow developed a craving for it over the past few days. It does bring me happiness. HAPPINESS.

And now, I’m majorly regretting my decision to work in a neighbourhood school. Who am I kidding? I’m a sheltered convent girl who grew up in a middle-income family with a maid. I honestly know nothing about poverty, hardships or having to work and study at the same time.

So going into a neighbourhood might be too much of a stretch for me. I mean, how am I supposed to relate to these kids?

In other news, I gave what I thought was a pretty resounding speech to Shufen who fell asleep in the middle of it. =/

And that’s been my life for the past few days.

Tomorrow, I mambo the night away with my girls.

Maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll blog about it.

When busy streets amass with people

I haven’t blogged in a while.

Before I do, however, I would just like to say, for the record, that stick-on tattoos are a horrible idea.

Hmm… I’m going to leave Singapore for Manchester in a few months.

And I plan to use this as a way to dictate events that happen to me while I’m away.

So do expect more stuff on this blog in the near future.

Also, I think I just had one of the world’s shortest relationships.

And honestly? I thought I got away unscathed.

But I guess as with my infatuations, you only know when you meet another guy.

Oh well.

I think I only did what I did because I was very bored.

Anyway, I’m going try for relief teaching now.

Oh God. I am so boring.

It’s all about the wordplay

So, I had a crazy week.

To start it off, Alex asked me to be his girlfriend.

Which I said yes to because I didn’t see the harm.

And although we’ve talked about it, I think we’re now both confused on whether we’re a couple or not. HAHAHA.

Andd… I finally talked to my mum. So i’m most probably going to UK.

I already applied for accommodation at Manchester. :D

I NEED TO PACK FOR TAIWAN. DAMN YOU PROCRASTINATION.

Alone

I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!

I FEEL MY HEART BREAKING INTO TINY PIECES.

I FEEL MY DREAM BEING WASHED AWAY.

I FEEL MY WHOLE WORLD COMING TO AN END.

I FEEL LIKE IF I DIE NOW, EVERYTHING WOULD JUST GO AWAY.

EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER.

I WOULD BE FREE FROM ALL THIIS PAIN.

Hopelessly devoted to you

I love how he makes me feel when I’m super upset and need someone to talk to. He’s surprisingly always there at the right moments, time difference be damned.

But we still need to talk. And I don’t care how uncomfortable it gets for him.

I wondered what went wrong so that she had to roam the streets.

“Fuck southeast asian academics. Its too hard and demanding and you all are smarter than the rest of the world ever will be anyway.”

I think God put Alex in my life for a reason.

FUCKING GOING CRAZY.

You and I both loved.

So I think I'm gonna break up with him. Except, is it counted as a break up if we never were official?

Anyway, it's for the best. He's graduating soon and I don't wanna be the bitch that made him spend more time with me instead of his books. And we've only known each other for a week and a half so it's better that we break now.

So why do I feel so rotten inside?

What the hell is it about him that makes me feel like I've known him forever and I wanna be with him?? I'm crazy, right? It's not like I've even met the guy in person.

So why is it so damn hard to let go?

You tell me your blue skies fade to grey

I honestly cannot wait to start school. Firstly, all feelings of laziness would mostly leave. Secondly, I would get to meet new friends. And lastly, I wouldn’t feel like shit most of the time.

Take a chance and don’t ever look back.

I was happy with the results I got today.

No, not them A’level nonsense.

Anyway, I now have an ultrascan of my uterus. =/

Lord, PLEASE give me the strength to take it slow. VERY slowly.

It’s just some little thing.

So, the most craziest thing happened to me today. An Englishman licked my ice-cream. It was the CRAZIEST thing ever. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

Tia, Sharon and I were at the ATM and we (Tia and myself) mentioned that we felt like having long island iced teas. Tia then said she craved a ‘sex on the beach’ cocktail. I then proceeded to say (very loudly, as I usually am.) that I liked sex on the beach.

The next thing I knew, this guy (blonde hair/blue eyes) with his bicycle was behind us asking what flavour the ice-cream I had in my hand was. (I bought the cone from the Turkish ice-cream place.) I said ‘mango’ and told him that he could get his own at the Turkish ice-cream place. He then said he really liked mango and asked if I could give him a lick of my ice-cream. So… I did. Cuz’ what the HELL do you answer to that? And he LICKED IT. Completely seductively. It was so crazy!

And he asked me if I liked mango. I told him I was partial to the flavour. o.0

Tell me something, I was just hit on by a guy from England, right? Hahahaha!

Anyway, I have lived today, people. How many people (in Singapore) can say they let an Englishman lick their ice-cream?? :DD